Choose Love

Hello, dear ones!
This Sunday I will be speaking at the Skagit UU Fellowship at 10:30. The topic is “Choose Love.” You are invited to attend in person or via zoom. 
The fellowship hall is located at 500 W Section Street in Mount Vernon, Washington (right behind the post office). Here’s the zoom link:  https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83222201810

It would be lovely to see you this Sunday and celebrate Love together!

Love, Karen 

Let’s…

Choose Love over hate.
Choose Love over fear.
Choose Love over selfishness.
Choose Love.

because…

Fear is not the boss of me.
Hate is not the boss of me.
Selfishness is not the boss of me.
Love is my boss.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Go Out There and Work Your Magic!

My dear Humoristian hooligans –

Today may your confidence in the power of kindness bring assurance to the lonely and scared. May your unassailable joie de vivre transform the bitter, the bossy, and the bullying. May the stodgy, stuffy, and stingy be transformed by your irrepressible good humor. May you bring laughter to those in sorry need of a good guffaw. May those who mistake meanness for strength be edified by your example of unwavering good will and courage.

Go out there and work your magic, my friends!

Karen

I Woke Up Angry This Morning

I woke up angry this morning. Angry at the cruelty, and blatant racism, sexism, misogyny, and deceit playing out in front of us; angry at the people who seem to be fine with all of that; angry at the people who talk about “leftist extremism” while brushing off January 6th as a “rally” and ignoring the violence being done to children and other innocent people because they “look guilty” and happen to live in the wrong parts of towns in blue states; angry at an administration which seems to take delight in inciting violence and hate towards states and people it views as its “enemies”; angry at the federal agents who say “f***” the children and “now go home or you’re next”; angry at bullies; angry at the people who applaud the bullies; angry at the “friends” who have tried to guilt me into silence by calling me a “pot stirrer” when I’ve provided information counter to their political views; and maybe I woke up angry at myself, too, for feeling powerless to make the cruelty stop.

And so that’s how I left our house this morning – angry and grumpy.

We needed to go to Sedro-Woolley to run an errand, and, afterwards, ended up at a coffee shop for drinks and treats. After a while, when we still hadn’t gotten our order, I began to feel impatient and asked the baristas if maybe they’d forgotten us. We got our drinks soon afterwards.

Another customer had come in after us. She waited patiently at another table. She never asked if she’d been forgotten. She never looked agitated or perturbed. She quietly sat at her table, swinging one leg while she waited for her coffee. She had on the coolest rubber boots – she’d rolled them down at the top and there was this cool salmon-pattern revealed on the rolled-down parts. I had to ask her about them.

She told me the pattern was designed by the “Salmon Sisters” in Alaska. She’d lived in Alaska for a while, she said. I learned then that she’d worked for NOAA as a marine biologist, and now worked for the Washington Dept. of Fish and Wildlife. I told her my brother was a marine biologist, too, and had worked for NOAA for a time, and then another government agency, and had ended his career working for the State. We talked about fishing for a while – she told me something I hadn’t known – that if there isn’t enough fishing allowed, the fish population will exceed what the rivers supply in food, and the salmon population will begin to die out. She was interesting. And kind. She was interesting and kind and patient. And, when she finally got her order and was ready to leave, I thanked her for modeling kindness to me this morning. I told her I’d come in to the coffee shop feeling grumpy – which isn’t my usual self – and she’d helped bring me back to myself again. She smiled and thanked ME – which is, of course, what a kind person does.

Meeting my new friend reminded me of one of the most essential lessons life has taught me – that as long as we can love and show kindness to the people we encounter every day, we aren’t powerless – we CAN make a difference. Just like my new friend did for me this morning.

I’m still angry about the cruelty I see in our world. Maybe it’s right to be angry about that. But I don’t feel so powerless, anymore.

Thoughts on Love from Noemi Ban, a Holocaust Survivor

I had the great privilege of knowing Holocaust survivor Noemi Ban. I invited Noemi to come to my class and speak to my eighth graders about her experiences as a survivor of the Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp. Her sharing was powerful and inspiring. Afterwards, Noemi asked me if I could drive her home, and she invited me into her house. The first thing I saw when I stepped into her home was a photo of her family – her parents and siblings – taken before the Holocaust. Noemi told me it was the only picture she had of her family. Her father had found it in the rubble of their home after the war. The photo was precious to her. She’d lost her mother and siblings in the death camp’s gas chambers almost as soon as they’d arrived at Auschwitz.

My friend, Diane Sue, who was a close friend of Noemi’s, told Noemi’s story in the book, Remarkable Resilience. I am feeling a sense of urgency right now to share this excerpt from Remarkable Resilience: The Life and Legacy of Noemi Ban:

“I imagine that my story has opened your eyes to the ease with which hatred can grow and destroy. Hate can be perilously insidious, beginning as a seedling that grows into a powerful tree, and, before we know it, we are surrounded by a dark and dangerous forest. Hate can destroy a person, or can destroy a civilization. Why is it so easy for some people to hate their fellow human beings? We asked that question when imprisoned in Auschwitz, trying to understand why the Nazis hated us when they didn’t even know us. Similarly, we may ask why some people hold so much animosity toward certain groups even in today’s world…

“I realize my reaction to what happened during the Holocaust could easily have been hatred. Many trauma survivors find it difficult to let go of their anger or resentment. I feel fortunate that I not only survived, but that I also avoided having my heart poisoned by hate. Those who hate can become bitter and lose their perspective on the beauty of life. I learned in Auschwitz what hate can do and I refused to do to myself what the Nazis did to me. If I focused on hating the Nazis, then I would still be their prisoner. And how can you live a peaceful life with hate in your heart? Some people wonder if I have forgiven the Nazis. Although I am working on it, I doubt I will ever be able to say that I have completely forgiven them. Nevertheless, when someone asks if I hate the Nazis for what they did to my family, I can honestly say I don’t hate anyone. I feel sadness, anger, and hurt, but not hate. There is another way to live life, and that was my choice—to live with love. “

As We Work Our Way Through These Challenging Times Together

Dear friends,

Here’s my quandary: I want to avoid sensationalism and doomsdaying here, but I don’t want to tiptoe around the very real concerns our world is facing – the evil that needs to be exposed, seen for what it is, addressed and healed. When I bring up concerns, my intent isn’t to overwhelm or burden you. My intent, when I share with you, is to feel the power of your fellowship as we work our way through these challenging times together.

Some of you have asked me, at various times, how I think we should be praying for our world. For me, I’ve found that the best prayer starts with Love. I feel Love’s presence with me – feel Love spreading Her wings over all the world – embracing and caring for each and all of Her children – without discrimination or boundary. I recognize that NO one is outside Love’s care – that Love loves no one less than anyone else. Love loves those we might call our enemies no less than She loves our allies. Love “maketh the sun to shine on the evil and the good; and maketh the rain to fall on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45) I recognize Love as the ONLY power – NOTHING has the power to usurp Love’s governing of Her own creation. I wait. I listen. I feel the presence of Love. I know the power of Love. And this brings reassurance and healing to my thought.

I like to think – I hope – that our collective love reaches those who might be feeling alone and scared right now. I know I have been the recipient of the collective love-power from my friends in the darkest times in my life – I’ve felt your love lifting me up. I’ve felt the power of that. And I want to share that same love-power with others in their “darkest times.”

I want my internet space to be a safe place for my friends. I have friends from pretty much every race, ethnicity, religion, political party, gender and sexual orientation on here, and I feel the need to protect my friends from bullying and cruelty when they are in my internet home. Bigotry, hatred, unkindness, and generalizations and stereotypes made about whole groups of people are not welcome here.

Thank you for your friendship.

Your kindness and love has made the world a better place.

Karen

In Mourning for My Country

I’d never heard of Charlie Kirk until his death. It doesn’t sound like he and I had much in common, politically or otherwise. But his death has put me in mourning – not for him, personally – as I said I’d never heard of him – but I’m in mourning for my country. I’m in mourning for all the schoolchildren killed by guns, and the resort to violence that has taken the lives of people on both the left and the right. I’m in mourning for the death of basic civility and respect for life. I’m in mourning for the death of decency in our political system.

But here’s what’s keeping me going through my mourning: Every day I encounter people who still show kindness, who still show generosity. These aren’t celebrities and politicians – these are just “regular” people who have the courage to get out of bed every day and face whatever the world throws at them. These are our world’s real heroes. For our world’s kind people, I am grateful.

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I Told Him He Wasn’t Alone

(Originally posted June 15, 2016.)

About once a week I walk into town to buy a hummus roasted veggie sandwich and to see my friend, Frank, who works at the sandwich place. Frank is gay. We’ve never talked about his gayness or my not-gayness or anyone’s whatever-ness in conversation – I mean – it’s not like people usually approach a new friend, shake hands, and introduce themselves by their labels – “Hi, I’m Karen and I’m a progressive bleeding heart liberal heterosexual female Christian Scientist of mostly European ancestry (although there might be some Basque Reptile Alien in there, too) – and how about you? What are your labels?” – but, yeah, Frank is gay.

This week when Frank asked me how I was, I gave the usual, “I’m good. And how about you?” And he gave the usual, “I’m good.” But this time something made me stop and really look at Frank. And I asked, “Frank, how are you really?” Frank said it had been a rough week.

He said he’d been in a bar earlier in the week, and he’d heard people at the next table over saying – in deliberately loud voices so Frank could hear – “Yeah. Those people in Florida deserved it.” Frank had tried to remain civil to them – he and the bar-tender had had their own conversation – loud enough to be heard – about the terribleness of the tragedy. And the people at the next table spewed out some more hatred. And Frank wondered about them: Hadn’t they ever been targeted for being different in some way? Didn’t they know what that felt like?

I started tearing up. “Frank, where does that hate come from? I don’t understand it.” Frank shook his head sadly, and said he thought it came from ignorance – from people being afraid of what they don’t know. He said he leaves those people in the hands of the Lord – and he didn’t mean that in a vengeful way – but in a “God will help them” way.

I told Frank that I was with him. I told him that he wasn’t alone. And he thanked me and gave me a hug.

Later on I was thinking about what Frank had said – his wondering if those people had ever been targeted for being different – and it made me remember a time, years ago, when I’d been watching a local “town meeting” on television and I’d heard someone say that “All Christian Scientists should be lined up against a wall and shot.” It had been strange and disturbing to hear someone who didn’t know me wish me dead. It stuck with me. I learned something from that.

Anyone could become a target – hatred is a form of insanity, really, and it doesn’t have to make sense – maybe tomorrow it will be stubby people, or extra tall people, or people with green eyes, or left-handed people, who will become the targets.

I think when we take the time to get to know each other – to try to understand each other without judgment or condemnation – to listen to each other – when we take the time to get rid of our own ignorance – we are doing a lot to make the world a better place. It’s been said so many times, but I think it’s true: Love really IS the answer.

Thoughts on This Memorial Day

Thoughts on this Memorial Day:

In 1961 – when I was just four – our country went through the tensions of the “Bay of Pigs.” I don’t remember anybody explaining to me what was going on, but I remember my mom and dad exchanging secret looks. I remember knowing the grown-ups were afraid.

Two and a half years later, our president was assassinated. I was in second grade. An announcement came over the school’s loud speakers that all students should return to their rooms. I was alone, walking in the hall – I think I’d just delivered a message to the office or something. I could feel the urgency in the voice over the intercom. We all were sent home from school. The next week was Thanksgiving, and I remember my dad and my Uncle Emery (retired Army officer) weeping. I didn’t often see my dad or my Uncle Emery weeping. It was a dark time.

Five years later, Civil Rights leader, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., was assassinated and, a few months after that, JFK’s younger brother was assassinated. By that time, my dad had climbed Mount Kennedy with Bobby Kennedy and considered him a friend. The assassinations of MLK and Bobby Kennedy brought more darkness to our country.

In 1969, our country began drafting young men – most of them still teenagers – to fight in a war on the other side of the world. The draft ended in June 1973 – a year before I graduated from high school. I wonder how many of the young men I passed in the halls of my high school were ordered to Vietnam?

Conflict and war didn’t end with the Vietnam War. I don’t need to go through the list – you all know.

But when I was asking myself this morning to try to identify that time in my life that might be called “the good old days” – I realized that I’ve always lived in a world with tension and conflict, hate and killing. I was blessed to have a happy childhood with loving parents, inspiring teachers, and healthy adventures in the outdoors – but beyond my own personal circle, there was darkness.

My teaching major was history. As I studied world history, I remember having an epiphany that all the wars fought in the world have been connected – that we’re really still fighting the First Peloponnesian War. Greed for land, greed for spices, greed for oil, greed for money and power – all the wars are related – leaders sending young people off to kill and be killed so their leaders can get more of whatever it is they want.

The world has always had its heroes, too – the humble unknown people who go about quietly doing the right thing, sharing the good they have, creating beauty, treating others with kindness and compassion. I meet these people every day on my walks and trips to the store – heroic people who don’t even know they’re heroic – people who do the right thing because they can’t NOT do the right thing.

And I see the progress towards liberty and love that humanity continues to make. Nothing can stop the progress. Once we’ve moved forward, it’s impossible to go back.

We live in challenging times – some might say “unprecedented” – but that in itself gives me hope. The more blatant and brazen evil becomes – the more it exposes itself for what it is – the easier it will be to see it and overcome it. With love. With the courage of progress. With the quiet heroism of kindness. Nothing can stop progress. Nothing can stop the power of Love.

Why Do Hobbits Live in Her Shoe?

She was trying to understand the unfathomable –
trying to find a reason and cause for the hate and insanity
the greed and racism, willful ignorance and inanity.
And finally she realized she was looking at it upside-down:
Trying to find a source for a story that’s not true
is like trying to find the reason fairies exist
or hobbits live in her shoe;
It’s like asking why Road Runner and Wiley Coyote
are always in a fight;
It’s like trying to find the source for darkness
instead of turning on a light.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

(Photo by NASA.)

Where Does That Hate Come From?

(I stumbled upon this old post from 2016 and thought it would work well in 2025, too.)

About once a week I walk into town to buy a hummus roasted veggie sandwich and to see my friend, Frank, who works at the sandwich place. Frank is gay. We’ve never talked about his gayness or my not-gayness or anyone’s whatever-ness in conversation – I mean – it’s not like people usually approach a new friend, shake hands, and introduce themselves by their labels – “Hi, I’m Karen and I’m a progressive bleeding heart liberal heterosexual female Christian Scientist of mostly European ancestry (although there might be some Basque Reptile Alien in there, too) – and how about you? What are your labels?” – but, yeah, Frank is gay. This week when Frank asked me how I was, I gave the usual, “I’m good. And how about you?” And he gave the usual, “I’m good.” But this time something made me stop and really look at Frank. And I asked, “Frank, how are you really?” Frank said it had been a rough week.

He said he’d been in a bar earlier in the week, and he’d heard people at the next table over saying – in deliberately loud voices so Frank could hear – “Yeah. Those people in Florida deserved it.” Frank had tried to remain civil to them – he and the bar-tender had had their own conversation – loud enough to be heard – about the terribleness of the tragedy. And the people at the next table spewed out some more hatred. And Frank wondered about them: Hadn’t they ever been targeted for being different in some way? Didn’t they know what that felt like?

I started tearing up. “Frank, where does that hate come from? I don’t understand it.” Frank shook his head sadly, and said he thought it came from ignorance – from people being afraid of what they don’t know. He said he leaves those people in the hands of the Lord – and he didn’t mean that in a vengeful way – but in a “God will help them” way.

I told Frank that I was with him. I told him that he wasn’t alone. And he thanked me and gave me a hug.

Later on I was thinking about what Frank had said – his wondering if those people had ever been targeted for being different – and it made me remember a time, years ago, when I’d been watching a local “town meeting” on television and I’d heard someone say that “All Christian Scientists should be lined up against a wall and shot.” It had been strange and disturbing to hear someone who didn’t know me wish me dead. It stuck with me. I learned something from that.

Anyone could become a target – hatred is a form of insanity, really, and it doesn’t have to make sense – maybe tomorrow it will be stubby people, or extra tall people, or people with green eyes, or left-handed people, who will become the targets.

I think when we take the time to get to know each other – to try to understand each other without judgment or condemnation – to listen to each other – when we take the time to get rid of our own ignorance – we are doing a lot to make the world a better place. It’s been said so many times, but I think it’s true: Love really IS the answer.