Thoughts on Love from Noemi Ban, a Holocaust Survivor

I had the great privilege of knowing Holocaust survivor Noemi Ban. I invited Noemi to come to my class and speak to my eighth graders about her experiences as a survivor of the Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp. Her sharing was powerful and inspiring. Afterwards, Noemi asked me if I could drive her home, and she invited me into her house. The first thing I saw when I stepped into her home was a photo of her family – her parents and siblings – taken before the Holocaust. Noemi told me it was the only picture she had of her family. Her father had found it in the rubble of their home after the war. The photo was precious to her. She’d lost her mother and siblings in the death camp’s gas chambers almost as soon as they’d arrived at Auschwitz.

My friend, Diane Sue, who was a close friend of Noemi’s, told Noemi’s story in the book, Remarkable Resilience. I am feeling a sense of urgency right now to share this excerpt from Remarkable Resilience: The Life and Legacy of Noemi Ban:

“I imagine that my story has opened your eyes to the ease with which hatred can grow and destroy. Hate can be perilously insidious, beginning as a seedling that grows into a powerful tree, and, before we know it, we are surrounded by a dark and dangerous forest. Hate can destroy a person, or can destroy a civilization. Why is it so easy for some people to hate their fellow human beings? We asked that question when imprisoned in Auschwitz, trying to understand why the Nazis hated us when they didn’t even know us. Similarly, we may ask why some people hold so much animosity toward certain groups even in today’s world…

“I realize my reaction to what happened during the Holocaust could easily have been hatred. Many trauma survivors find it difficult to let go of their anger or resentment. I feel fortunate that I not only survived, but that I also avoided having my heart poisoned by hate. Those who hate can become bitter and lose their perspective on the beauty of life. I learned in Auschwitz what hate can do and I refused to do to myself what the Nazis did to me. If I focused on hating the Nazis, then I would still be their prisoner. And how can you live a peaceful life with hate in your heart? Some people wonder if I have forgiven the Nazis. Although I am working on it, I doubt I will ever be able to say that I have completely forgiven them. Nevertheless, when someone asks if I hate the Nazis for what they did to my family, I can honestly say I don’t hate anyone. I feel sadness, anger, and hurt, but not hate. There is another way to live life, and that was my choice—to live with love. “

A Force for Good

Diane Sue and I had met, once, years ago, at a gathering at a mutual friend’s house. We’d both worked for the same school district then – she as a counselor and me as a teacher. She was one of those people that I immediately connected with; one of those people that I’d never forgotten. She had heart.

A decade later, we reconnected again when Diane’s close friend, Noemi Ban, a Holocaust survivor, died at the age of 96. Diane knew that I loved Noemi, too.

I’d come to know Noemi when I’d invited her into my school to speak to our students about her experiences during the Holocaust. After Noemi had given her talk, she asked me if I’d drive her back to her home, and invited me to come in. The first thing I’d seen when I’d stepped through the door was a framed photo of Noemi’s family before the Holocaust – her mother and father and siblings. Noemi and her father had been the only survivors, and this photo – which her father had found in the rubble of their house after the war – was the only photo left of her family.

Noemi embodied love and forgiveness and strength. There was a powerful presence in her compact form.

After she died, Diane began to put together the story of Noemi’s life Noemi had asked her to write. When she was nearing completion of the book, Diane sent me a copy of the manuscript to get my feedback.

Here’s my response to Diane:

Dear Diane Sue –

It is two in the morning and I just finished the book and I’ve got tears pouring down my face. Wow. You and Noemi have created a masterpiece together. This book – her story – is so beautiful! You’ve captured Noemi’s essence beautifully.

I’m always a little nervous when someone asks me to read a manuscript – I’m never sure what I’m going to find waiting for me – but you are a wonderful writer! I’m so glad you stepped up to do this for Noemi – and for all the rest of us, too.

I’ll attach the manuscript with my suggestions highlighted in red – but these are just suggestions, and there is absolutely nothing you need to do with them.

Your writing is exceptional, and this book is perfect!

Love,
Karen

Diane published Remarkable Resilience in April 2022 and invited me to be a part of the Zoom book launch. I felt so honored by her request.

Diane asked me to join her for a walk in Bellingham not long after this. It was such a joy to spend time with Diane one-on-on, talking about our community and Noemi, education and the world. I remember apple blossoms were blooming on the wild apple trees along our walk, and everything was new and green. It seemed fitting that I should be walking with Diane on a sunny spring day when the world was starting to wake up from the winter.

Like Noemi, Diane is a powerful, but gentle presence. Like Noemi, she is a force for good.

It is a blessing to know her.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Noemi Ban: Book Launch for *Remarkable Resilience*

Diane Sue has written an extraordinary book about an extraordinary woman. Diane’s book, Remarkable Resilience, is about the life of Holocaust survivor, Noemi Ban. I had the great priviledge of meeting Noemi when she spoke to my middle schoolers about her experiences in Auschwitz. Diane Sue has asked me to join her, Noemi’s family, and others who had the priviledge of knowing Noemi, to talk about Noemi when she launches Remarkable Resilience with a zoom meeting on May 1st at 10AM (Pacific Time). All are welcome to attend this meeting. Here’s a link: https://zoom.us/j/8964525730

Our Memory

If delusion says, “I have lost my memory,” contradict it. No faculty of Mind is lost. – Mary Baker Eddy

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits… Psalm 103: 2

He hath made his wonderful works to be remembered:
the Lord is gracious and full of compassion. – Psalms 111: 4

Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not… Proverbs 4: 5

***

Through the years there’ve been several fictional films that have tackled the subject of false memory – The Manchurian Candidate, Total Recall, and The Bourne Ultimatum come to mind.  But this week I freaked out a little when a friend posted an article on Facebook that reported researchers had, in fact, discovered a way to implant false memories in mice: “Memory researchers from U.S. and Japan have, for the first time, implanted false memories into a lab animal… It’s already clear that people are able to form false memories. Think about that family tale about your getting sick at Disneyland—the one that’s been told so often, you’ve felt yourself ‘remember’ the event more and more over the years, even though you were way too young to truly recall it. Or, more seriously, think about how often eyewitness testimony fails, convicting people who are later exonerated through DNA testing… The team also performed further experiments that showed that the formation of true and false memories both set off a series of molecular changes in the brain that are very similar. So false memories may feel indistinguishable from real ones.” – http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-07/researchers-successfully-implant-mice-false-memories?src=SOC&dom=fb

The story gave a link to another story – this one titled Why Science Tells Us Not to Trust Eyewitness Accounts:”Many people believe that human memory works like a video recorder: the mind records events and then, on cue, plays back an exact replica of them. On the contrary, psychologists have found that memories are reconstructed rather than played back each time we recall them. The act of remembering, says eminent memory researcher and psychologist Elizabeth F. Loftus of the University of California, Irvine, is ‘more akin to putting puzzle pieces together than retrieving a video recording.” Even questioning by a lawyer can alter the witness’s testimony because fragments of the memory may unknowingly be combined with information provided by the questioner, leading to inaccurate recall.'”  http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=do-the-eyes-have-it

Yeah. Soooo….

How can we trust that what we think we remember actually happened? How can we protect ourselves from false memories? Contrariwise, how can we make our true memories – the memories that we cherish, or that have helped us learn important lessons – safe from tampering or disease? And how do we distinguish the false memories from the true ones?

Were you expecting answers here? 🙂

Nah. I’m just trying to figure it all out, too. But I guess I could share some thoughts I’ve had about it all…

As a history major, it’s always struck me as interesting how people can look at the exact same events and see them in such completely different ways. If you read a school textbook about American history written in, say, 1955, for instance, it seems to tell a completely different story than a textbook written about American history in 1985. And I find it interesting – and personally disturbing – that some events – The Holocaust, for example – are discounted, by some individuals, as never having happened at all. It seems important to me that we remember The Holocaust – the lessons learned from it, and the heroism of those who experienced it, and those who helped others survive it.

One of my favorite books is a book called The Giver, written by Lois Lowery. In the book one boy, Jonas, is chosen to hold the collective memories of his community so that the other members of his community don’t need to be burdened by them. This really stinks for Jonas, and for his community, too. To have shared memories – of both painful times and good times – is comforting, I think. It helps us know we’re not alone and isolated from one another, but connected in our common humanity.

We build our communities, and our own lives, on our memories – learning from our mistakes, remembering and celebrating all the good, keeping loved ones who’ve left us alive in our thoughts.

But what if a memory is holding us back – keeping us from loving, from forgiving, and from moving forward in our lives? That can’t be a good thing, right? Maybe there are times when forgetting is actually a part of the healing? Mary Baker Eddy, the discoverer of Christian Science, tells us several times in her writings to “forgive and forget”  and Paul writes in Philippians 3: “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Paul’s words make sense to me. There have been times in my life when a painful experience was so completely healed in my thought it was as if it never happened, and I’ve so completely forgotten it that I was surprised, later, to be reminded of it. One example of this is when my mom called to tell me that the mother of a third grade classmate had called to apologize for blaming me for things I’d never done. She was weepy as she told Mom, “Karen never did anything wrong. She always treated my daughter with kindness. I’m sorry that I was so mean to her.” What this woman was referring to was something that had happened 30 years before! I had completely forgotten about it. I was glad to hear that she and her daughter were doing well. Whatever lessons they’d needed to learn from that experience, they apparently had learned. Now they could forget all about it, too, and move on.

But to get back to the article on mice at the top of the page: What if the painful memory we have is a false memory to begin with – a memory implanted by scientific researchers or a hypnotist or that we’ve unknowingly created ourselves –  how do we discern that it’s false and jettison it? Speaking from personal experience, I’ve sometimes only discovered I was carrying around a false memory after a professor’s given a test and I gave the wrong answer, or after others showed me evidence – notes, letters, videoclips – that proved to me my memories were wrong. It’s always kind of an interesting moment when I realize I was carrying around a false memory. “Whoah! Look at that! I had no idea!”  And it’s always a relief. I can correct my thought then and move on.

Maybe, in the end, the only memories that are important to us are the ones that lead us to self-correction and reformation – and the memories that bring us closer to Love.

God is the only Mind. Our Mind is God. And we’re never for a moment, separated from Mind. That’s kind of reassuring, isn’t it? I mean… we can’t lose our Mind because where would it go? Mind is everywhere, fills all space, and we dwell in the consciousness of Mind. All we can know is what God, Truth, knows. All we can feel is what God, Love, feels. All we can be is God’s expression, manifestation, and reflection. There’s no part of us that can hold false memories, for all we can know is the perfect truth of perfect Mind.

“…you consult your brain in order to remember what has hurt you, when your remedy lies in forgetting the whole thing; for matter has no sensation of its own, and the human mind is all that can produce pain. As a man thinketh, so is he. Mind is all that feels, acts, or impedes action.” – Mary Baker Eddy

“…you will discover the material origin, growth, maturity, and death of sinners, as the history of man, disappears, and the everlasting facts of being appear, wherein man is the reflection of immutable good.” – Mary Baker Eddy

“When we learn that error is not real, we shall be ready for progress, ‘forgetting those things which are behind.'” – Mary Baker Eddy

“Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more”. – Isaiah 54: 4