Thoughts on This Memorial Day

Thoughts on this Memorial Day:

In 1961 – when I was just four – our country went through the tensions of the “Bay of Pigs.” I don’t remember anybody explaining to me what was going on, but I remember my mom and dad exchanging secret looks. I remember knowing the grown-ups were afraid.

Two and a half years later, our president was assassinated. I was in second grade. An announcement came over the school’s loud speakers that all students should return to their rooms. I was alone, walking in the hall – I think I’d just delivered a message to the office or something. I could feel the urgency in the voice over the intercom. We all were sent home from school. The next week was Thanksgiving, and I remember my dad and my Uncle Emery (retired Army officer) weeping. I didn’t often see my dad or my Uncle Emery weeping. It was a dark time.

Five years later, Civil Rights leader, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., was assassinated and, a few months after that, JFK’s younger brother was assassinated. By that time, my dad had climbed Mount Kennedy with Bobby Kennedy and considered him a friend. The assassinations of MLK and Bobby Kennedy brought more darkness to our country.

In 1969, our country began drafting young men – most of them still teenagers – to fight in a war on the other side of the world. The draft ended in June 1973 – a year before I graduated from high school. I wonder how many of the young men I passed in the halls of my high school were ordered to Vietnam?

Conflict and war didn’t end with the Vietnam War. I don’t need to go through the list – you all know.

But when I was asking myself this morning to try to identify that time in my life that might be called “the good old days” – I realized that I’ve always lived in a world with tension and conflict, hate and killing. I was blessed to have a happy childhood with loving parents, inspiring teachers, and healthy adventures in the outdoors – but beyond my own personal circle, there was darkness.

My teaching major was history. As I studied world history, I remember having an epiphany that all the wars fought in the world have been connected – that we’re really still fighting the First Peloponnesian War. Greed for land, greed for spices, greed for oil, greed for money and power – all the wars are related – leaders sending young people off to kill and be killed so their leaders can get more of whatever it is they want.

The world has always had its heroes, too – the humble unknown people who go about quietly doing the right thing, sharing the good they have, creating beauty, treating others with kindness and compassion. I meet these people every day on my walks and trips to the store – heroic people who don’t even know they’re heroic – people who do the right thing because they can’t NOT do the right thing.

And I see the progress towards liberty and love that humanity continues to make. Nothing can stop the progress. Once we’ve moved forward, it’s impossible to go back.

We live in challenging times – some might say “unprecedented” – but that in itself gives me hope. The more blatant and brazen evil becomes – the more it exposes itself for what it is – the easier it will be to see it and overcome it. With love. With the courage of progress. With the quiet heroism of kindness. Nothing can stop progress. Nothing can stop the power of Love.

Gathering at the Shores of the Pacific

Lincoln City, Day One:
I’m thinking the world’s problems could be solved if we all just gathered on the shores of our earth’s oceans and looked out towards the horizon together – watched the waves rolling into shore, and shared agates with each other.

I saw the figure of a woman standing at the edge of the ocean, looking towards the waves. There was something poignant and dear about the way she stood there. Later she approached me as I looked for agates. She asked me what I was looking for, and I told her. She asked what an agate was, and I described what an agate would look like. I hoped that I would just look down and find one to give her, but that didn’t happen right away.

I told her I’d taken her photo and showed her the picture. I said there was something very sweet about the way she looked out towards the ocean. Kristi told me her father had died just last week, after being diagnosed with cancer ten days before. She said his passing had been sweet and tender. “He went home to Jesus,” she said. She said his passing had been different than other deaths she’d witnessed. It had been peaceful.

And just then I looked down and saw an agate looking up at me. I plucked it up and gave it to Kristi. “Here’s an agate!” I said. “This one is from your dad.” She smiled at the idea of that, and let me take her picture holding the agate.

A little later I met Todd and Donna searching the rock beds for agates and other treasures. I learned Todd and Donna had traveled all the way from Indiana to make their first visit to the PNW. They were such fun!

Todd and I exchanged mountaineering stories. He said he’d climbed up to the top of a 13,900′ peak in Colorado while he was on a hunting trip, and the elevation had really gotten to him. I told him I’d climbed Rainier, Baker, Adams, and Hood in the PNW with no problems – but it was when I climbed Mount Harvard in Colorado that the elevation had effected me – I had to vomit in the nearest hole. He said he enjoyed hiking around in the Appalachians and I told him a friend of mine had just finished the AT this week! He described how he came off a short hike on the AT one time and someone had asked him if he’d just finished the Appalachian Trail. Todd started laughing then – he said he was wearing sneakers and had none of the equipment that would make him look like he’d just completed the AT, but it was fun that someone thought he had.

We all talked about the nice people we’d met in Lincoln City. We agreed that this was a nice break from all the division and politics going on right now and agreed we weren’t even going to talk about that stuff. We were simply people enjoying the ocean together. People enjoying other people.

A little further down the beach, little Buddy came scampering towards me for a hug and a scratch behind the ears.

Lincoln City, Day 2:

Agates and gnarly boulders, Banjo pup and her humans, Russ and Nan from Montana.

Russ recently left the forest service to go back to school to get his master’s in counseling. He told me a little of what had brought him to his new career choice, and I told him that the world really needs what he has to offer. Russ and Nan are good people, and Banjo is a good dog.

Lincoln City, Day 3:
Our last morning in Lincoln City. Made one last trip to the beach before hitting the road.

Met Melinda and Ray hunting for beach treasures. I was impressed by how nimbly Ray skipped across the boulders – he said he didn’t want to hurt any of the sea life. And look at the cool heart rock Melinda found!

Jennifer said she was from Nevada where there’s “just dirt” and she was so excited to be in a place where she could look for agates. She said she’d just found little ones so far. “You’re just about to step on one,” I told her, pointing to the agate just behind her foot. She plucked the agate up, a big grin on her face, and said, “The biggest one so far!”

Little Chocko pup was shy at first, but I held my hand out for him, and he came up for a sniff and a scratch behind his ears.

***

Agates and pups and people to laugh with. Life’s simple pleasures. Heaven lives in Lincoln City, Oregon.

Below: (clockwise from upper left): Todd and Donna, Buddy, Melinda, Jennifer, Russ and Nan and Banjo, Kristi.

A Happy Ending for a Neurotic Karen

I’m one of those people who lies awake at night worrying about stuff I said the day before. I worry about hurting people’s feelings unintentionally; I worry about people thinking I was serious when i was just having fun; I worry about accidentally offending people.

Last night I worried about something I’d said in fun to a bank teller earlier in the day. I’d been standing in line for ten or 15 minutes while the tellers worked with two other individuals ahead of me who had complicated transactions. I was the only one in line for most of that time. Then a woman with a crutch came in and stood behind me and let me know that she was there because it appeared someone had gained access to her account. This was serious. So when a teller opened up another line – one with a chair for someone to sit down on – I told the woman behind me to go ahead – her business was more serious than mine. She thanked me and took the seat in front of the teller.

I waited. I waited some more. A couple more people came in behind me. And now both the other tellers finished their business with the previous customers. I was excited. I was almost there!

Then one of the tellers grabbed her purse and left (I didn’t blame her – she probably was finally going to get lunch). So now I waited for the other teller to signal me. And I waited. And finally I said, laughing, “Is it just me? That other teller took one look at me and said, ‘I’m out of here!'” The teller smiled and said she was just clearing a space for me and I could come up now.

She was very gracious. I learned that the man ahead of me had brought in 7,000 pennies to be turned into $70 cash and that it had taken some time to sort all that out. I was impressed by the teller’s patience and composure. My transaction went quickly and I left.

But as I was driving home I started worrying. Had the teller realized I’d just been having fun when I asked, “Is it just me?” Had I come across as – oh, the horror! – a “Karen”?

I worried. I worried some more. I worried much longer than I’d waited in that line at the bank.

I had a break from my worrying when Clara Kitty nestled in beside me for some cuddles. I realized that if I was spending time worrying I wouldn’t be focused on the love I could give right then to Clara. So I scratched her behind the ears and she licked my hand and for a little while I just stayed in the moment.

But when I went to bed I started worrying again.

This morning I decided to bring a home-made card to the teller, telling her how much I appreciated her kindness and patience yesterday. I wasn’t sure how this was going to work, exactly. I wasn’t sure if she’d even be at the bank, and, if she was at the bank, I wasn’t sure how I was going to manage to get to her counter. But I trusted that Love would sort all that out for me.

When I got to the bank I saw she was there! And the woman ahead of me in line appeared to be waiting for the OTHER teller because she stepped aside and waved me forward when the teller I wanted to see became available. How cool was that?!

I asked the teller her name – she said “Natasha” – and I told her I’d been impressed by how patient she was yesterday and how gracious, and I wanted to give her this card to thank her. I told her I hoped she knew I was having fun yesterday – I was worried that she’d thought I was serious. She started laughing and said she totally knew I was joking and she’d been grateful that I’d had a sense of humor about it all and wasn’t cranky like another customer might have been.

I felt a huge weight of worry lift from me! She had a sense of humor!!

I left the bank feeling like I was floating on Love. Empowered by Love. Powered by Love. I felt fearless and safe and impervious to bad stuff. I felt Love with me.

Journey Through Clinical Depression

My contribution to Mental Health Awareness Month:

In 2007 I began my journey through a massive clinical depression. At the time I was going through the depression I didn’t see an end to it – I was afraid I was going to spend the rest of my life in the darkness. I felt hopeless, helpless, and full of guilt and fear. I contemplated ending my life, lost my appetite, and felt like I’d lost myself, too. In desperation, I turned to God, to the power of Love, to guide me through the darkness.

I learned a lot during this time. I learned not to battle the waves, but to surf on top of them. I learned that if I could love I had a reason to live. I learned I could be happy even when I was sad. I learned to focus on now and move from moment-to-moment, step-by-step. At some point I recognized that the mortal mind posing as me wasn’t really any part of me – my real Mind was God, Love. Being able to separate the counterfeit mind from my real Mind was hugely helpful to me. How could I lose my mind when my Mind was God?

And when, in a year, I came out the other side into the light, I recognized my own strength, and the tender love God has for me, and for all Her creation. I came out of the depression with a fearlessness that I hadn’t had going into it. I felt reborn.

I think I needed that experience in my life – it helped prepare me for the challenges my world is facing right now. At the time it seemed like the worst thing I’d ever experienced. Now, looking back, I realize what a wonderful blessing it was to me.

I’m so glad I didn’t end my life all those years ago. Look at all the things I would have missed! – all the sunrises and sunsets and new friends and adventures and daughters-in-law and a grandbaby!

If you’re going through what I went through 17 years ago, please know there IS a way through. The light DOES come again. Please know that you matter. You are important to this world. We need all the love you have to give. We need your kindness. Know you can be happy even when you’re sad. Know you are loved.

Beautiful Humans in the Tulip Fields

It’s only 2:00 pm and I’ve already had, like, a month’s worth of tears, beauty, and magic in this one day.

I woke up at 6:00 and immediately felt impelled to leave the house and explore and connect. It felt imperative. I can’t explain that for anyone who’s never felt it – but I figure some of you will understand.

I ended up in downtown Mount Vernon. It was probably only 7:30 or so at this point, and the streets were empty and the shops closed. I wandered down the length of First Street until I found myself at the Co-op. It was open. I bought myself a mocha and a blueberry strudel and took them upstairs to a table to sit and think. I sat facing the painting of my old friend, John “Peace Wizard” Bromet, who died in 2023. And I started sobbing. Not so’s anyone could hear me or anything. But my face scrunched up and the tears rolled down my cheeks. I can’t tell you what I was feeling right then – I’m not even sure myself. I think I was feeling a sense of loss, but… I think John’s portrait also sort of bolstered me. It was like I could feel him there with me, smiling and encouraging me.

I finished my strudel and started the trek back to my car, with the vague notion that I should head for the tulip fields.

I ended up at Tulip Time. I was one of the first ones to drive through the gates this morning.

The tulip fields were beautiful, of course – I think I’ll make another post just with tulip pictures – but the people I met this morning at Tulip Town were even more beautiful than the flowers.

In all the years I’ve lived in the Skagit Valley and have visited Tulip Town, I’d never before ridden in the Tulip Town trolley. But today I did! Mike drove us around the perimeter of the field and, sitting up high in the trolley, I had a vantage point I’d never had of the fields before. I waved to the other tulip tourists from the trolley, like I was on a parade float or something. And they waved back! It was cool.

As I was circling the field, I came upon a father trying to take a photo of his large family. I thought maybe he had a timer so he could include himself in the photo, but then I realized he didn’t – so I asked if I could take a photo of all of them. He agreed and handed me his camera. I learned that he and his wife and son were from Sammamish, and the rest of his family was visiting from India. One of the women had wrapped her whole head up in a scarf so only her eyes peeked out – and I learned that she’d just arrived from India yesterday where it was more than 100 degrees Fahrenheit. She was, understandably, cold. But she was also laughing at herself for being all wrapped up in her scarf. This family was fun. I welcomed the visitors from India to the States, and apologized for the cold. They all graciously posed for me in the tulips so that I could take a photo for myself of my new friends.

Just past the family from Sammamish and India, I saw a sweet pup smiling at me. Hallie’s human gave me permission to take her photo.

On the other side of the field I came upon a young man donned in a graduation hat and robe. HIs mom was with him to take a photo of him for his senior picture. Kaden was graduating from Bremerton High School, and he explained that what had brought him to the Skagit Valley for his senior picture were the tulip fields. He came from a military family, he said, and had lived all around the world – and he remembered the tulip fields that had been near Amsterdam when his father had been stationed there. I asked Kaden if I could take a photo of him, too, and he gave me the okay.

I went inside the Tulip Town gift shop, and browsed for a bit. I saw a woman trying to take a selfie in front of a display of red tulips, and asked her if I could take her picture for her. She nodded her head and handed me her cellphone and I snapped a picture, and then she put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me in for a photo of the two of us! That was pretty fun. I asked her if I could take a photo of the two of us with my camera and she nodded her head. When I asked her name, she used her cellphone to translate her words and explained that she didn’t speak English well – she was originally from China – and her name was Kelly.

And see? That’s what’s so cool about our tulip fields – we don’t have to travel around the world to meet people from different nations and cultures – people from different nations and cultures come here! Today I met a young man who wanted to be near tulip fields because he’d once lived in Amsterdam; I met a family visiting from India; and I met a woman who’d originally come from China.

I understand now why I’d felt impelled to leave my house this morning. Look at all the magic that was waiting for me “out there”!

Below: John “Peace Wizard” Bromet; Viral and his family; Kelly and me; Kaden in his graduation robe; sweet Hallie pup.

Karen Talking to Herself

Feeling unsettled.
What’s going on?
Scared of what might come.
Don’t think ahead. Focus on now.
Okay.
Can you breathe?
Yes.
Then do that. Be grateful for that.
Can you sing?
Yes.
Then use your voice and sing yourself a song.
Can you love?
Yes.
Then love. Love like there’s no tomorrow. Love like there’s only now.
Okay.
Feeling better?
Yes. Thank you, Karen.
Any time. I’m always here.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Why Do Hobbits Live in Her Shoe?

She was trying to understand the unfathomable –
trying to find a reason and cause for the hate and insanity
the greed and racism, willful ignorance and inanity.
And finally she realized she was looking at it upside-down:
Trying to find a source for a story that’s not true
is like trying to find the reason fairies exist
or hobbits live in her shoe;
It’s like asking why Road Runner and Wiley Coyote
are always in a fight;
It’s like trying to find the source for darkness
instead of turning on a light.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

(Photo by NASA.)

“I’m Here.”

I wake in the early hours of the morning –
all is still and dark. I try to identify my feelings.
I am scared. I’m scared for the people detained
unlawfully in prisons. I fear for those in danger
in lands at war, and in my own nation. I’m scared.

I reach my thoughts out to my God, to Love.

The voice says, “I’m Here.”

Like, “I’m here with you.”
But also like, “I am Here – that is My name.”
And I respond, “I’m here, too.”

And for just a moment I have a glimmer
of the God Who is Here – all-present,
filling all space, always, with no possibility
of separation between Creation and Creator.
I see nothing can separate any of us from Love –
not governments, nor presidents, nor kings,
nor war.

I feel a weight lift from me.
I feel the power of Love with all Creation
and know no one is outside
the power of that Power –
the power of Here.

I wrap myself up in the peace
of the early hours of the morning
and rest in the arms of Love.

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

Where Does That Hate Come From?

(I stumbled upon this old post from 2016 and thought it would work well in 2025, too.)

About once a week I walk into town to buy a hummus roasted veggie sandwich and to see my friend, Frank, who works at the sandwich place. Frank is gay. We’ve never talked about his gayness or my not-gayness or anyone’s whatever-ness in conversation – I mean – it’s not like people usually approach a new friend, shake hands, and introduce themselves by their labels – “Hi, I’m Karen and I’m a progressive bleeding heart liberal heterosexual female Christian Scientist of mostly European ancestry (although there might be some Basque Reptile Alien in there, too) – and how about you? What are your labels?” – but, yeah, Frank is gay. This week when Frank asked me how I was, I gave the usual, “I’m good. And how about you?” And he gave the usual, “I’m good.” But this time something made me stop and really look at Frank. And I asked, “Frank, how are you really?” Frank said it had been a rough week.

He said he’d been in a bar earlier in the week, and he’d heard people at the next table over saying – in deliberately loud voices so Frank could hear – “Yeah. Those people in Florida deserved it.” Frank had tried to remain civil to them – he and the bar-tender had had their own conversation – loud enough to be heard – about the terribleness of the tragedy. And the people at the next table spewed out some more hatred. And Frank wondered about them: Hadn’t they ever been targeted for being different in some way? Didn’t they know what that felt like?

I started tearing up. “Frank, where does that hate come from? I don’t understand it.” Frank shook his head sadly, and said he thought it came from ignorance – from people being afraid of what they don’t know. He said he leaves those people in the hands of the Lord – and he didn’t mean that in a vengeful way – but in a “God will help them” way.

I told Frank that I was with him. I told him that he wasn’t alone. And he thanked me and gave me a hug.

Later on I was thinking about what Frank had said – his wondering if those people had ever been targeted for being different – and it made me remember a time, years ago, when I’d been watching a local “town meeting” on television and I’d heard someone say that “All Christian Scientists should be lined up against a wall and shot.” It had been strange and disturbing to hear someone who didn’t know me wish me dead. It stuck with me. I learned something from that.

Anyone could become a target – hatred is a form of insanity, really, and it doesn’t have to make sense – maybe tomorrow it will be stubby people, or extra tall people, or people with green eyes, or left-handed people, who will become the targets.

I think when we take the time to get to know each other – to try to understand each other without judgment or condemnation – to listen to each other – when we take the time to get rid of our own ignorance – we are doing a lot to make the world a better place. It’s been said so many times, but I think it’s true: Love really IS the answer.

A New Review (And Let’s Talk About Amazon’s Weird Rating System)

I just got another review for Cosmic Connections: Sharing the Joy. I so appreciate the folks who take the time to write reviews for my books. If you’re a writer, I think you’ll understand. I don’t write for money or fame. I write to connect – to help people know they’re not alone. Positive reviews help me feel that connection we have to one another.

Amazon has a weird rating system. I have six ratings now for Cosmic Connections – five of them are five-star ratings and three of those have reviews with them. I also have one one-star rating. The one-star rating doesn’t come with a review or an explanation or even a name. But somehow that one-star rating holds more weight than the five five-star ratings. That one one-star rating is worth 25% of my whole average. I’ve asked Amazon about this, but have gotten no response.

So if you read my book and liked it and wanted to write a review for it, I think it would be way cool to flood Amazon with positive reviews and see how they get around THAT.

Here’s the latest review – Mama Bear writes:
“This book is so positive, so uplifting and so authentic. The author shows us how a simple act of kindness, a smile and a little love can set the tone for a person’s day. I’m ordering the next 2 books in this series soon. I highly recommend these books!!”