I Came Back Restored

My trip to visit my son, his wife, and my granddaughter only lasted three days, but I was living in a whole ‘nother world inside of those three days. I came back restored.

Because I wanted to travel light and didn’t want to have to worry about carry-on baggage or trying to get all my electronics out of my backpack when I went through security, I didn’t bring my laptop or ebook. I didn’t listen to news, didn’t watch television, and, other than posting some quick pics from my cellphone, I pretty much stayed off of social media.

It was AWESOME!

The son and his family live in Venice, California, and we took long walks together over the canals and down to the beach, past vibrant murals and artsy boutiques. My granddaughter, little Linh, pointed out a white egret stepping along the edge of the canal and we enjoyed watching him as he foraged for lunch. And then Rigby the pup came up to us with a big smile and a wagging tail for a pet on the head.

We walked to the Erewhon Market and were greeted with a friendly smile at the door by Russ, who told me that the market has a lot of people named Russ there. “It’s like a Russ magnet,” I said. And he laughed and agreed.

On my last morning in Venice, Christina and Linh brought me with them to the Linnie Canal Park for a music program for toddlers. The four young women who led the program sang with the children, brought out instruments for them to play, and led them in fun dances. Music and dance and toddlers laughing together! That, my friends, is healing.

My son drove me to the airport, parked, and walked me in. I saw a couple of security guards standing at the bottom of an escalator and asked them where I needed to go. They smiled at me, and one of them asked me if I had any baggage to check (nope!) and asked to see my boarding pass on my phone. Then he told me I could just go right up the escalator, turn right, and get in the general security check line. I told him I knew there’d be people to help me at the airport, and thanked him. I asked him his name and he said “Alex” and then he asked me my name and I said, “Karen, of course.” He started laughing, and wished me a good flight.

My son and I hugged good bye at the bottom of the escalator and I made my way to the security line. I watched to see what the people ahead of me were doing as they got to the security conveyer belt. I took two bins and, trying to look like a I fly on planes every week, sorted my backpack and purse and jacket in the bins. I turned to the man behind me and asked, “Do I look like I know what I’m doing?” and he grinned and said I did. “I’m just copying all the people in front of me,” I confessed, and he laughed and said that’s what we ALL were doing.

When I got up to the security lady – a woman of about my age who’d been using a curt voice with the people in front of me – I pointed to my bins and asked her, “How’d I do?” She put her curt voice aside and smiled and told me it looked like I’d done a good job.

I was feeling hungry and went in search of food. I stopped at the Wahoo’s to order a quesadilla. The woman in front of me in line must have thought she was taking longer than she should because she turned around and apologized. Including the cashier, I said, “No! You’re both doing a great job!” And they smiled at me.

I ordered my quesadilla and waited near the pick-up counter. The cashier called out the number of the woman who’d been ahead of me, but I could tell she hadn’t heard it, so I yelled, “Forty-seven!” – which she heard. The cashier thanked me for yelling out her number, and I grinned and told him I was using my teacher voice.

When I boarded the plane I found there was an empty seat between my window seat and the man sitting in the aisle seat. I asked him, hopefully, if the middle seat had been empty when he’d reserved his seat, and he made a sad face and said no. “Dang,” I said, “Well, maybe it will end up being someone really lovely.”

Our seat partner soon joined us, and we all settled in for our flight. As our plane rolled down the runway, I could see a beautiful sunset blossoming on the horizon. I tried to take a picture, but then our plane turned and… I looked at the young man sitting in the middle seat and said, “The sunset’s amazing, but…”

He smiled in understanding, and finished my sentence for me, “It’s on the wrong side of the plane.”

Soon Eelco and I had introduced ourselves to each other and were in conversation. I learned he’s Dutch – so I, of course, told him my dad’s family had come from de Nederlands, and told him my maiden name was “Molenaar” – which he recognized as totally Dutch. We talked about skiing – he was going to visit a Dutch cousin in Montana to go skiing – and I told him my dad had been, among other things, a ski instructor. Then we talked about traveling – because if you’re a Dutch downhill skier you’re going to need to leave your country to do that. And we talked about languages, jobs, education, family (ahem, I might have mentioned Dad is in Wikipedia for mountaineering), traveling, adventures. I learned he was the same age as my son and we talked about how different the world was when I was born compared to when he and my son were born.

I dozed off for a bit then, and woke to find we were close to landing.

This is when the man on the other side of Eelco told him that I’d been hoping the middle seat would be open. “But,” I added, “I did say that maybe we’d get a lovely person in the middle.” And Brett, the man in the aisle seat, nodded in agreement that I had indeed said that. Now Eelco and Brett got in conversation and learned that they’d both been vendors at the Natural Products Expo West this week! Brett had been there to vend the cardboard containers his company sells; and Eelco had been there to show the glass containers his company sells. They might have even passed each other while they were there!

It is a small world, my friends.

My husband had parked the car and was waiting for me in the baggage claim area. It was so good to see him again! I had all kinds of stories I wanted to share with him about our grandbaby’s hugs, and the people I met on my trip, and the things I saw.

We live in a beautiful world full of new friends just waiting to be met, of laughing toddlers, and people who want to help us on our journeys.

I’m going to hang on to that as I move into the future.

Day One of a Trip to Venice, California

Scott drops me off at SeaTac. I follow a family with young children – they look like they know what they’re doing. Somehow I end up in front of them in the security check line. I turn around and tell them I was following them because it looked like they knew where to go and they started laughing. No, they tell me, they don’t know what they’re doing. I show them my passport, clutched tightly in my hand, and tell them I’m constantly checking to make sure I have it with me. The mom starts laughing and says she’s checking even as she’s holding it in her hand.

I sit next to a blond woman with a friendly smile, all dressed in pink. My instincts tell me she’ll be fun to chat with. And she is! I learn she’s a manager for Claire’s going to LA for training and we talk about traveling and trips we’ve taken.

I need to stretch my legs and go into the waiting area next to mine. I see an amazing sunrise through the window and go over to take a photo. I apologize to the young man sitting near me for getting in his space and he smiles and says it’s no problem and it is a nice sunrise. I ask him where he’s flying and he says Hawaii. A couple sitting across from him asks me where I’m going and I tell them Los Angeles. “La La Land,” the man says and I tell him I’m going to see my grandbaby. The couple get big smiles and nod their heads in the universal understanding of grandparents for grandparents.

The woman in front of me as we go up the ramp to board the plane starts singing, “I’m leaving on a jet plane…” and I finish for her, “…don’t know when I’ll be back again.” She turns around with a big grin on her face and says, “Exactly!” I follow her and her husband down the aisle and learn they are my seat mates! Cosmic!

As we fly south, we chat and I learn they’re flying to Chile and from there to other places and will be gone for a month. Of course, not long into our conversation I happen to mention my dad is in Wikipedia for mountain climbing and Cathy, who has an app that lets her connect to the internet, looks him up. We talk about weddings and children, trips we’ve taken, and places we’ve lived. When the plane lands I tell her I’m so glad I got her for a seat mate because you never know who you’re going to end up with and she nods and starts laughing.

I wave to the security guard as I head for baggage claim and he smiles and waves back. And there’s my son waiting for me! So good to be with him again!

Christina and little Linh join us at the Gratitude Cafe for lunch. Linh is just waking up from a nap, and it takes a while before she notices me and then she gets a big grin on her face. Oh joy!

Later Christina gives me a tour of Venice Beach. Little Linh is running ahead of us and, literally, runs into a woman with a baby stroller. And this is how we meet Raven and her beautiful little two month-old baby. Her baby, Ariana, was born prematurely – at just 30 weeks- and she’s really tiny – the big pink bow on her head is almost as big as she is. But Raven tells us that she’s more than doubled in size since she was born – she weighed two pounds at birth and now weighs five!

Raven is so fun – animated and full of love – and I ask her if I can take her picture. She laughs and poses for me while I snap my camera.

It’s only day one, and look how many cool new friends I’ve made!

To Lighten My Load

I went in search of joy –
trusting Love to lead me
to treasure beyond compare.
I found birds – cormorants,
ducks, swans, and geese –
calmly doing what birds do
and it brought me peace.
Joy!

I passed by places where
I’d spent time with loved ones
and happy memories filled
my soul and made me smile.
I remembered the love
and found the love was with me still.
Joy!

I passed a woman with a bag
of belongings on her back
and asked her if she needed a ride.
She pushed her bag in my car
and got into the passenger seat.
I asked her if she was hungry
and we went to the espresso stand
to find her something to eat.
The barista understood what we
were doing and gave my new friend
extra crackers and we smiled
conspiratorial kindness at each other.
Joy!

And as I drove my passenger to her
next destination she told me that God
had sent her on her journey today
with a message she’d had to deliver
to someone up the road.
And it came to me then that she’d
been a message delivered by Love
to ME today to help lighten my load.
Joy!

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

I Went in Search of Joy Today…

Magic!

I went in search of treasure today – looking for the things that bring me joy. I parked down near the Alaska Ferry Terminal in Fairhaven and walked up to 11th Street. Stopped in at Village Books and bought myself an anthology of Mary Oliver poems – joy! Then walked back down to Fairhaven Coffee, hoping I’d find Kenzie barista-ing to give her a copy of my latest book (she’s in it) – and she was there! Kenzie is studying to be a social studies teacher – and I was a social studies teacher for a good chunk of my career – so we talked shop for a while – joy! I walked up to the trail to the dog park and walked through the rookery – remembering when those nests were full of squawking tuft-headed babies – the memories brought me joy! Then I walked down to Marine Park and sat on the block where my 100-year-old dad had once sat and remembered our time together there – joy!

I took Chuckanut home. I passed a woman walking on the side of the road with a big bag full of her belongings. I pulled over to ask her if she needed a ride. She described where she needed to go in Burlington and I told her I could take her there, so she got in the car and I headed towards Burlington. On the way, I asked her if she was hungry. She said she’d had a banana today. I told her I could buy her something to eat at the Otter Bean Espresso down the road.

Ali was working at the espresso stand today, and I introduced her to my guest and explained that I wanted to buy her a meal. Ali’s face lit up. She went through the food options for my guest, who ended up choosing a cup of chili and a mocha. When Ali handed my new friend’s chili to her she let her know she’d added some extra crackers. Ali and I smiled big smiles at each other and I thanked her – joy!

I brought my new friend to her destination and then continued on to Fred Meyer’s for some quick shopping.

I ran into my old friend, Kim, from Youthnet there and we exchanged greetings. Then, as I was leaving, I saw Kelly, the parent of one of my former eighth graders, coming towards the store. Kelly was literally glowing with joy. She said she was there to work on fundraising for Meals on Wheels. She said working with that organization was something that meant a lot to her – it felt good to be part of it. Joy!

What an amazing day Love gave me today – so many gifts! So many opportunities for joy!

Love Has Been Preparing Us

Mary Baker Eddy wrote in Science and Health (p. 107): “God had been graciously preparing me during many years for the reception of this final revelation of the absolute divine Principle of scientific mental healing.”

What did this “gracious” preparation look like? Well, let’s see… she was widowed at the age of 22, when she was pregnant with her only child. Her son was taken from her when he was four and she didn’t see him again until he was grown. Her second husband was a philanderer and they divorced. She suffered from debilitating illness from an early age. And at the age of 45 she slipped on an icy sidewalk and was so severely injured the doctor declared she was dying.

Maybe God has been “graciously preparing” all of us for what we’re facing now. Think back to all the challenges you’ve faced – the times you were terrified, the times when things seemed hopeless – and then remember the Father-Mother Love that brought you through. Remember the healings. “Hold fast to that which is good.” (Thessalonians 5:21).

I think Love has been preparing all of us – each in our own way, each with our own lessons, giving each of us our own gifts to use right now.

Dear Friends Who Support the Current Administration

Dear friends who support our current administration –

I feel the need to clarify my feelings and thoughts about what is happening in our country right now. Some of you have accused me of hating our president, and have been puzzled about why I want to pay taxes on what you call “wasteful spending.” Here are my thoughts:

1) No, I do not hate our current president. I do, however, hate what our current president is doing to our country.

2) I actually feel good about paying taxes that support our federal workers, our federal infrastructure, and the well-being of my fellow Americans. For example: I don’t mind paying taxes to support our veterans; those who need medicaid to stay alive; the air traffic controllers who get us safely to our destinations; the rangers who maintain our parks, and rescue our kiesters from our misadventures; the FEMA workers who help our loved ones rebuild their lives after natural disasters; the scientists and researchers of NOAA who help us deal with climate change; or the farmers who, through USAID, provide food for those who are starving. I do not consider any of this “wasteful” spending.

I do not, however, feel good about paying taxes to give tax cuts to billionaires, or to subsidize their private companies.

Karen

There Was Another Time When I Was Terrified

There was another time – almost exactly eight years ago now – when I was terrified and felt like I was facing challenges impossible to overcome. Both my parents were in the hospital – Mom on one floor, Dad on the floor above her. I’d just learned that Mom was not going to be allowed to return to her retirement community apartment because they couldn’t provide the medical care she’d need. I had made calls to assisted living places and to offices that provided in-home nursing care and learned that the cost of my mom’s care – combined with care for Dad – would cost $8000 or more a month. Their savings might buy them a couple months, but then I might need to get into my own retirement savings to care for them.

And beyond the money terror, I was feeling a deep grief. Mom was dying. My sweet mama was dying. No one would ever love me like Mom loved me, or know me as she had known me. I remember sobbing with hopelessness.

I talked with my husband about our options, and he supported me in my decision to have Mom brought to our home. He agreed to help me care for her. The social workers at the hospital were concerned for me – they kept asking me if this is what I really wanted to do, and I said yes. I didn’t know how we were going to do this – my husband and I were both working full-time then, and I wasn’t sure when we were going to actually be able to sleep. But I knew it was the right thing to do. I felt Love leading me to make this decision for Mom.

Mom was brought by ambulance to my home on President’s Day eight years ago. A hospice nurse from Hospice Northwest came to show Scott and me how to care for Mom. We weren’t sure how long we’d have with her – I think we were told she wasn’t expected to live more than six months – but… I picked up on the signs from the hospice nurse as she examined Mom that we probably didn’t have that long.

Mom and I spent the whole afternoon telling each other how much we loved each other. Mom – who’d always been one of the bravest people I’d ever known – was scared. I can’t remember any other time when I’d seen her scared. She asked me, “What happens when I die? Will I see you again?” And I told her that nothing could separate us from the love we have for each other. Love doesn’t die. I assured her we’d meet again. She nodded her head and seemed to accept my words as the truth. Later, as it got hard for her to speak, I asked her one more time if she loved me – I was greedy. And she looked at me with such intensity – her eyes on mine filled with love – and nodded her head. I will never forget that look in her eyes. I carry it with me still, and it reassures me.

That night I slept on the couch by her hospital bed. I had this beautiful dream full of butterflies and green fields and felt this sense of joy and peace and love brush by me. When I woke from this dream I realized Mom wasn’t struggling to breathe and I thought, “Oh, she’s okay. I don’t need to give her any medication right now.” And I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, and then I realized… I got out of bed and felt my mama, and she was cool. I went upstairs to tell Scott I thought she had passed, but I wasn’t sure. Scott came downstairs and felt her pulse, and said, “Moz is gone, Sweetie.”

The hospice nurse came and walked us through what we needed to do. I’ll always be grateful for our hospice nurses.

But now my thoughts turned to Dad – he was soon to be released from the hospital and I still didn’t know how we were going to give him the care he needed. He was 98 then and suffering from a kind of dementia – and I didn’t feel equipped with the skills to help him. I prayed. I prayed desperate prayers, and I went for a walk to try to find some peace. As I was walking, a rainbow suddenly arched over the field I was passing, and I felt Mom with me.

The social workers at the hospital asked me if I’d ever looked into adult family homes, and gave me a pamphlet with phone numbers. On the second call I felt I’d found the right place for Dad and when my brother and I stopped by to check it out we saw bird feeders and dogs and cats – and we knew Mom would have loved the woman who answered the door. Again, I felt Mom’s presence with us. We’d found the right place for Dad – and within his budget, too!

I learned something from that experience. The answers are always there – even when things seem impossible. I hadn’t know that adult family home even existed the day before – and now here it was! Just waiting for Dad! Love had this place waiting for him!

Dad lived another three years and the people in his adult family home became like family to us. They are still very dear to me.

And I still feel Mom and Dad with me. We’ve never been separated. Nothing can separate us from Love. We’re connected by Love, forever and ever. Amen.

Cosmic Community: Celebrating Kindness

I have a new book “out there.” It’s the third book in the Cosmic Celebrations series – Cosmic Community: Celebrating Kindness.

I apologize that it’s only available on Amazon right now (and please do not order it on February 28th).

Here’s the opening to Cosmic Community:

December 6, 2023

This morning I felt impelled to get out of the house and go for a drive. I ended up at the mall in Bellingham with the vague idea that I might go Christmas shopping.

As I headed into Macy’s a young woman approached me – she looked scared. She said her baby was locked in the car with her keys and she asked me if I could let security know. I went into Macy’s and let the customer service people know the situation.

They needed to know the model of the car and where it was parked, so I went back out and asked the young mother if I could watch her car and baby while she went inside to talk to the customer service people. She thanked me and I took up my post by her car.

When I looked in the window I saw her baby was crying – so I said, “Hi Sweetie! I’m right here with you!” and she started giggling then and smiling at me. There was a little toy suction cupped to the window and the baby reached up and started playing with the toy – like she was playing with me – and we spent the next minute or so laughing at her toy together.

The baby’s mom came out then, and pretty soon folks in uniforms joined her at her car to help her.

And the thought occurred to me that maybe that was the whole reason I’d felt like I’d needed to drive and ended up at the mall – I hardly ever go there, and it was weird for me to decide to go there today.

I bought a red vest and a new pair of jeans and then started my drive home.

And the clouds and the rain and the gray evening light enveloped me in a peaceful bubble. I’d put in a CD of hymns sung by a pair of young brothers with a youthful energy, and as I listened to the hymns I thought of my mom and remembered all the times she’d sung those hymns to me. I could feel her love with me.

As I drove through the Chuckanut Hills, I thought of the hikes I’d taken with Dad and felt his love, too. And then I remembered driving this same route when I was bringing the sons home from swimming lessons when they were preschoolers, and I could almost hear them laughing with each other in the back seat. It seemed a lifetime ago, and just like yesterday.

The young men on the CD sang, “He leadeth me, O blessed thought! O words with heav’nly comfort fraught…” (words by Joseph H. Gilmore). And suddenly I felt myself connected to all the other people in the cars moving with me on I-5. And for a moment our kinship with each other was so clear to me. I felt us all moving together in a cosmic murmuration. Normally I try to exit onto the backroads, but I found myself passing the exit I might normally have taken and I realized I WANTED to be with the other folks on I-5.

My drive home was other-worldly and beautiful.

“I’m Right Here.”

I woke up at 2:00 in the morning, feeling scared for the world. I went downstairs to commune with the Cosmos and the cats. Sparky cat settled onto the sofa next to me, and blinked his reassurance. I heard Love say, “I’m right here.”

I went back to bed to sleep a little more, and when I got up I drove up to Fairhaven for my walk on the boardwalk. I haven’t been there for a week and I’ve really missed it. But it seemed empty when I got there – almost like a ghost town. I wondered if maybe the cold was keeping people away, or maybe we aren’t getting as many Canadian visitors as we normally do. It was kind of weird. But then a young woman carrying a cup of coffee smiled at me, and I heard Love say to me, “I’m right here with you.”

I took the boardwalk down to the coffee shop in Boulevard Park and ordered a mocha. I sat on my favorite high chair and swung my legs back and forth while I sipped my drink and toodled around on my phone and watched people. When I left the shop, the baristas called out, “Have a good day!” I thanked them, and then called back, “You, too!” They laughed and nodded their heads. And Love said, “I’m still here.”

Going back on the boardwalk towards Fairhaven was warmer – my back was against the wind. I saw a man coming my direction turn around and walk backwards, and I smiled at him and said, “That’s better, isn’t it?” He grinned and nodded and said it was great exercise to walk backwards, and it was also a lot warmer.

A sweet pup named Remi approached me for a scratch behind the ears. He looked like he was hobbling a little and his human explained that he’d just been through two surgeries – one for his hip and another for his back. She said he’d been paralyzed at some point. But here he was – walking! I told Remi’s human that I was glad he had her, and she said she was glad she had him.

And Love said, “I’m right here.”

I had already decided I was going to treat myself to a breakfast at the Colophon. I hoped I’d get my favorite seat in the corner – but I’d take whatever I was offered. I also hoped Taryn would be there – she always makes me smile.

The hostess recognized me and welcomed me in. She asked me if I’d like my favorite seat in the corner! Then Taryn appeared – she was going to be my server! And THEN – when I got situated in my corner seat, the Four Tops came on the background music channel, singing, “I’ll be there…” and I started cracking up.

I love when the Cosmos has fun with me.

It Ain’t Easy

Okay. Here’s my current struggle: I’m trying to keep my wall kind and joyful; I’m also trying to be an ally to those in need of allies right now; I’m trying to nurture the good in people and trying not to feed what’s bad (and this includes myself); I’m trying to trust in Good – trying to trust that my fellow humans have the wisdom and courage to see and do what’s right and decent even when the odds are against them. And when I bring all of this to my wall it looks like a hodgpodge patchwork of swans and smiling pups, political insanity and heroism, frustration, anger, Christopher Walken and Borowitz. It’s a little messy right now.

I apologize. I’m trying to bring order out of chaos here and it ain’t easy.

If nothing else, please know this: I love you. I honor the good in you. The world needs all the good you have to bring to it right now.