I woke up in the dark,
thinking my thoughts,
finishing conversations
in my head and presenting
my bullet points to prove
I’m right, then – snap! –
in an instant all of the talking
in my head stopped
and Love said, “I am here.”
I am humbled by Love.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
I met so many lovely people on our trip to California.
Scott and I got to the parking lot later than we’d expected because the exit off-ramp from I-5 to Sea-Tac was closed and we had to find a different route. But, as Scott pointed out, if we’d hadn’t gotten there later we might not have had Jose as our shuttle driver, and that would have been a huge loss for us. As soon as I saw Jose I recognized him as the driver I’d had before who had sung to us on the drive to the airport. (I posted a video of him on Facebook singing to us.) I reintroduced myself and asked Jose if he was going to sing to us again. Jose smiled and said he always sang. So we got to start our trip with the accompaniment of Jose’s wonderful singing.
We spent most of our time in California in and around Venice. One of our first adventures was a trip to Fishermen’s Village, and it was there that I met Cindy, who was manning the window at the creperie restaurant. Cindy was kind and helpful as I tried to navigate working with one hand – I had my grandbaby resting on one arm, and my purse dangling from my other arm, and Cindy could see before I did that I was going to need help putting the straw in little Linh’s lemonade. So she ripped off the paper from one end of the straw and then held the straw for me so I could pull it out. Team work!
After our visit to Fishermen’s Village, our son guided us up to the top of Marine Park, where there was a great viewpoint of LA in the valley below. On the short hike to the viewpoint I passed a young man with a great shirt that read: “NATIONAL SARCASTIC SOCIETY: LIKE WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT.” I stopped him to read the shirt again, and started laughing. “I have found my people!” I told him. He laughed with me, and I introduced myself as “Karen, of course” and he introduced himself as Diego.
The next day we spent time just taking in Venice. I got a mango juice at a juicery and we met Nancy, the owner of the shop, who is, like my daughter-in-law, of Viet heritage. My daughter-in-law asked Nancy if she spoke Vietnamese – she’s always looking for an opportunity to practice her parents’ first language – and pretty soon the two of them were carrying on a lively conversation – that was so cool!
While we waited in line, another woman, Iliana, got in line to order something. When I was handed my mango juice, I tipped the cup and a little juice splattered down my front. I didn’t noticed, but Iliano took care of me – she looked over and said, “Careful there.” Iliana saved me from making a bigger mess of myself. Like us, Iliana wanted to order from an actual person, rather than from the computer, but, when a couple of other people stepped in front of her to use the computer, I was worried that the juice workers weren’t going to be able to see her. My daughter-in-law picked up on my worries, and let the server know that Iliana was there. I told Iliana, “You took care of me, and now we’re taking care of you.” Iliana grinned. When we left we all wished each other a good day.
We passed the Washington Square Pizza, where a man was wearing a plackard for the pizza shop that read “KISS’N COSTS EXTRA $5” to attract people into the restaurant. He was a character with comic timing. When I asked for his name, he said just tag it “Washington Square Pizza.” He added that instead of making money for the restaurant he feared he might have actually lost them money, and he really hoped he wasn’t going to get fired on his first day.
We stopped at the Lavender and Truffles Dairy Free Ice Cream shop, where our son treated us to ice creams, and where we met the delightful owner, Alicia. The shop was a little oasis of calm and peace – a cool respite from the heat, and with soothing and beautiful artwork on the walls. It was a restful stop on a busy day.
Yesterday we traveled back to Sea-Tac. (I think right after we arrived at Sea-Tac, the airline grounded all planes for a few hours – we were blessed to leave LAX when we did.)
Waiting in line at LAX to get through security, there was a family ahead of us – a woman of about my age (she looked like the grandma version of Leslie Uggams), a younger man and woman, and two young girls. I took an instant liking to this family. The youngest one reminded me a little of my granddaughter – lively and observant and chatty. The older woman – maybe her grandma? – remarked to me that “she never stops talking.” I started laughing. At one point the little girl pulled on one of the security ropes and it snapped undone. Her family looked back nervously, and I said, “I think I can fix that for you.” I grabbed the free end of the rope and slid it into its track and it was back to itself. The grandma turned and smiled and thanked me. Getting through security can be a long process, and I voiced this to the grandma. I added, “And it can be kind of scary. But we’re going to be okay.” The grandma nodded her head once, empathically, and said, “We’re going to be just fine.” If I’d had doubts before, I didn’t after that head nod.
A man in his thirties a little ahead of me in the line, was soon next to me as the line wove back-and-forth through the security ropes. I noticed his shirt. It said “Altadena” on it. I felt my eyes tearing up. “Are you from Altadena?” I asked. He nodded and brought his hand to his chest in a gesture that thanked me for asking. He said he’d lost his home in the fire – the whole town was gone. I told him I’d heard from people who’d known Altadena that it had been a wonderful community. The man nodded, and said, “A secret.” As he moved passed me we smiled at each other one more time, and wished each other good travels.
The plane ride home was pretty quick and uneventful. I was sitting in the middle seat – Scott on my right by the window, and another man on my left. Once again, I had good seat companions. The man to my left was watching “Living on the Spectrum” on his i-phone. The man one row ahead of me and to the left was watching a sci-fi movie. The young woman one row ahead of me and to the right was watching “Creed.” I found my eyes flicking from one to the other, watching their shows with them. When we landed, I let them know what I’d been up to, and they all started laughing. “When you get bored, you just go to another show,” the man who’d been watching “Prometheus” (the prequel to “Alien”) told me. I thanked the man who’d been sitting to my left for being a good seat mate, and he smiled and said, “Likewise.”
And guess who was driving our shuttlebus when we got there?! Jose normally has Sundays off, but he’d been called in to work for someone who couldn’t make it in – so there was Jose! He grinned when he saw me, and I grinned back. A young man in his early thirties sat down in the seat opposite us, and I told him he was going to get to hear Jose sing. He was up for that! The young man, Keith, had the same energy as my sons, and we were soon in conversation about outdoor adventures, and the people I knew in his hometown of Port Townsend, and Scott and I learned that Keith had started a non-profit in Port Townsend to help in food production. How cool is that?!
Jose returned us safely to our car, singing all the way. And so our journey ended as it had begun – with the voice of Jose assuring us the world is good.
Here’s the clip I made of Jose singing to us (Youtube): https://youtu.be/n6xDZol0aig
Dentist appointment in Sedro today for a cleaning and a check.
I got there early and noticed that a couple people who came after me were getting ushered into their appointments. I also noted that my file seemed to be in the back. “Well, I probably should move my file to the front!” I thought, and went over to the files to do that. (I know. I am such a Karen.) But then I realized that the files weren’t just put there randomly – there were specific slots and mine was in the right one for me. So then I felt ashamed that I’d been all in a harrumph about this. (It’s so embarrassing being a Karen.)
Right after that my hygienist, Renee, came to fetch me. I apologized for my rudeness, but she hadn’t seen any of what I’d been up to, and told me not to worry about it. Renee is new there, and she was great – efficient, professional, talked to me about what she was doing while she did it. She said the best part of the job is meeting the people, hearing their stories, and sharing hers. (And she told me that my gums and teeth were beautiful, and I should keep up the good work. 
)
Hansrolf, my dentist, came in then to look over my x-rays and check out my teeth. I told him about my earlier rudeness and he started laughing. “You gotta be careful about moving your file into other slots or you’ll find yourself getting a root canal!” he said.
I told him, “Don’t laugh, but I used Christian Science voodoo to heal my root canal problem a few weeks ago.” He laughed. (I’ve found that whenever I start a sentence with “don’t laugh” the funnest people always start laughing immediately.) He hadn’t checked the periodontist’s report, yet, but did then. He told me everything looked fine. And, regarding my “CS voodoo,” he said that if something works for someone, who is he to question it? He asked me if anything hurt. I said no. He said, “Well, if it’s not broken, we don’t need to fix it.”
When I left, I stopped off at the receptionist and apologized for messing with the files. She smiled and told me not to worry about this. I’d done nothing wrong. It was all good.
Whew!
Another patient left right before me, and when I followed her out she turned around and asked me if we knew each other. I felt like we did. We asked each other questions – workplaces, neighborhoods, etc. We decided that maybe we didn’t know each other after all, but acknowledged that it was nice to meet each other now. As I turned to leave, she yelled, “Wait! What’s your dad’s name?” I told her “Dee Molenaar.” She asked me if I’d posted stories about him on Facebook. I told her I had. She said she’d bought the book about the adventures I’d had with Dad in the last years of his life, and she said it had meant a lot to her. She started tearing up then. She said my stories had helped her as she navigated the last years of HER father’s life with him. She’d taken her dad on drives, too.
I asked her if I could have a hug, and we hugged, right there, on the corner of Metcalf and State. I told my new friend, Lisa, that her words had meant a lot to me. And they had. It was like Love had sent me this sweet message right when I needed a reminder that I’m okay.
I started back to my car. I peeked into The Mountain Shop as I went by and saw the owner of the shop – my friend, Craig, in there. Craig introduced me to Nima, a mountaineering sherpa, and told Nima a little about my mountaineering dad. It was lovely to see Craig again, and lovely to meet Nima.
There’s this alley on Metcalf, that has a canopy of rainbow-colored umbrellas strung across it. I stood there for a moment – just watching the umbrellas move in the breeze. It was peaceful there.
I’d been a little nervous about going to my dental appointment. I’d been tempted to cancel because I have so much else going on right now. But I’m glad I didn’t cancel. Look at all the reassurances from Love that awaited me!
I have a post on my Facebook wall about trauma – how we shouldn’t expect others to admit to the trauma they’ve caused us, and that it’s enough to know that we deserved more (via MJ Schweiker in “The Feral Spiritualists” group) . And I just need to say this – in my long life, I’m guessing that *I* have been a trauma-giver myself at times. I can imagine saying or doing something thoughtlessly – never with the intent to hurt, but just without thought – and I hope that anyone I might have unintentionally hurt will forgive me, and know that you didn’t deserve to be hurt – that the burden for that hurt lies with me, not you.
Sidenote: Recognizing my own human fallibility and flaws has been a huge gift to me. It’s made it easier for me to forgive others THEIR flaws and foibles. I think most of us are doing the best we can – sometimes under very difficult and challenging circumstances – sometimes in situations where it might not have seemed clear what was “right” and what was “wrong.”
I think if we start with Love, and let Love lead us, we’ll find ourselves in heaven right here. And that’s what I wish for everyone.
“The kingdom of heaven is within you.” – Jesus
“And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” – Jesus
“And Love is reflected in love.” – Mary Baker Eddy
(Photo of Mount Shuksan by Karen Molenaar Terrell.)
A dear friend asks me “Why?
Where was God?”
And I struggle to find an answer.
I try to go metaphysical –
“Darkness doesn’t have a source,”
I say. “It’s just the absence of light.”
I say, “Blaming God, Love, for this
is like blaming the light
for the darkness –
blaming Love for hate,
blaming Truth for lies.”
And I believe what I’m saying, but…
I don’t have the magic words
that are going to ease the pain,
mend broken hearts, bring clarity
to what’s unfathomable.
Here’s what I have: I can love.
I can love like there’s no tomorrow.
And that’s what I offer.
Love is here.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
“And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.”
– I Kings
Before the day begins
before the headlines and breaking news
I wake in the quiet of the middle of the night,
climb into the lap of universal Mother-Love
and feel her pull me close,
comforting, assuring,
“All is well. All, all is well.”
I nestle in under Her shoulder,
and feel the vibrations of Love’s cosmic humming.
The light is beginning to fill the sky now
and I prepare for the new day
with Love’s assurance still with me,
“All is well. All, all is well.”
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
Peace. Be still. Listen.
Do you hear the song of Love
calling to your heart?
Do you feel the cool breeze of kindness
blowing over our humanity’s fevered skin?
Do you see the kinship in the sun
and moon, oceans and air we all share?
Does the sweet fragrance of spring remind you
of things more important than hate
and fear and war?
The call to Love is universal
and irresistible. It will not be ignored.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
Photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell.
My dad’s birthday is today. He would have been 107. I’ve put other stuff on my wall about Pop – recycled stories and videos (and have I mentioned Dad is in Wikipedia?) 
But I thought I’d gift him with something new for his birthday. He’s not really gone, you see. I still feel his presence here with me – not as a ghost or anything – but I feel his smile with me, his humor and his love.
Daddy, I miss our drives together. I miss the conversations we managed to have, even though we were both hard-of-hearing. I remember you sitting in the passenger seat, your head going back and forth as you took in the landscape, telling me about the geologic history of whatever area we were traveling through, and often saying, “I made a field trip out here for the USGS,” or “I hiked that trail,” or “I climbed that,” or “This would make a good painting.”
One of the greatest gifts you passed on to me was a love for the outdoors, and an appreciation of the natural beauty around us. I followed you up to the summits of Hood and Rainier, Baker and Adams – and when I look at those peaks now I’m sort of in awe that I climbed them – who was I to think I could do that?!
I was Dee Molenaar’s daughter, that’s who.
You instilled a confidence in myself that’s gotten me through some really challenging years. Thank you for that gift, too.
Through your travels and connections you met some amazing, fearless people. Your community of fellow adventurers was filled with brave, heroic visionaries. You introduced me to people of all races and all major religions, and exampled for me what it means to love the world’s people without bigotry or discrimination. As a youngster, I hiked with Tenzing Norgay! As a twelve-year-old, I ran a mile down our country road with Doris Brown!! Governor Evans came to our house to borrow climbing equipment one time. And it wasn’t out-of-the-ordinary for me to pick up the phone and find myself talking to Edmund HIllary. You were comfortable moving among both the famous and the not, and always enjoyed meeting new “mountain people.”
You could be stubborn. You could be critical. You could be bossy. But I always knew you loved me. I always felt your support. You let me know you were proud of me. I’m glad I had you for my Pop.
Happy birthday, Daddy!
(Photos: My feet next to Dad’s – I think this was on our climb of Mount Hood when I was 15; a screenshot of what came up when I googled “Dee Molenaar”; Dad, my brother, Pete, and I on Mount Rainier.)
I can imagine it –
all the world waking up one morning
as if from a strange dream –
shaking our heads to clear the last
of it from our thoughts
and looking around at the beauty
surrounding us – the beauty
that’s always been here –
as if we’re seeing it for the first time.
I can imagine us blinking our eyes
at the wonder of the first sunrise
after our collective awakening.
Looking at each other with new eyes –
recognizing the Love that’s always
bound and connected us to each other.
Seeing in each other the splendor
of our universal body.
I can imagine it like it’s happening
right now.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
My newsfeed was full of dark and scary things when I turned on my cellphone this morning and I felt myself slipping into the abyss. I knew I needed to get myself up to Bellingham for a therapy session with sunshine and fresh air and smiling people and pups.
As I was walking down the boardwalk towards Boulevard Park, a man on a bicycle approached from the opposite direction. As he went passed he smiled and pointed back the direction he’d come. “Two eagles in the second tree!” he said.
I knew exactly the tree he was talking about and thought maybe if I climbed up to the top of the knoll I’d be closer to the eagles. But when I got up there, I realized the eagles were on the other side of the tree, and I’d actually have a better view of them from down below.
When I got back down on the trail I could see the pair of eagles right above me. I pointed them out to a young woman named Lisa who stopped to enjoy them with me for a bit. Then three women – maybe of three different generations? – stopped to watch the eagles with me. I told them that I’d often seen one eagle up there, but I hadn’t seen two in the tree before. The younger woman said something to the other women and I recognized the Spanish word for “two” – “dos.” I nodded and smiled, “Yes! Dos!” And they all grinned with me. I thanked them for sharing that moment with me. They nodded and smiled. New friends!
When I got down to Boulevard Park, I went into the coffee shop to get an iced coffee. A woman in a pretty dress walked into the coffee shop. Her dress was cheery and colorful and it made me smile. I told the woman I loved what she was wearing and she smiled and thanked me. Then I took my iced coffee out to a picnic table to watch passersby and the boats on the bay.
Pretty soon a fluffy puppy walked by with his humans – a father and a young son. I asked Mario if I could meet his puppy and take a picture and he smiled and said sure. Little Yoshi is a Burmese Mountain dog, and he’s going to get much bigger before he’s done growing. He’s wonderfully photogenic – seemed to know exactly how to pose for me – and Mario told me that Yoshi has his own instagram account with thousands of followers. I am not surprised by this.
A woman stopped at my picnic table with her friend to ask me if I was Karen from Facebook. And this is how I came to at last meet my Facebook friend LaVonne in the person. LaVonne and I travel in a lot of the same FB circles – birding groups and The Seeing Bellingham group. It was very cool that she recognized me. LaVonne and her friend, Gina, sat and chatted with me for a while about birds and sign language (Gina is an expert in this) and the beauty of the day and Gina’s amazing purple hair.
From the picnic table, I could see the pair of eagles still sitting in their tree. It occurred to me that if I went back to my car by way of the road to Boulevard Park, I might actually get a great view of the eagles. So that’s what I did. By using the road, I was able to get pretty close to the raptors. It was cool.
Just as I was getting back to my car, I saw the woman in the pretty dress again – this time with her husband and a pup. I learned her name is Stephanie, and her husband’s name is Nick, and I learned their pup is named Zena. They all (including the pup) graciously agreed to pose for me.
This morning I went in search of magic – and I found it!
Adventures of the Madcap Christian Scientist 