There’s Still So Much to Celebrate

It hit me today as I was
hanging another ornament on the tree –
a gift from east coast family –
that no matter how many ornaments I hang
I’m never going to have
my whole family together again
in the person, on this planet.
Parents have passed now; Loved ones scattered.
And somehow facing this reality
and accepting it –
helped give me perspective on what matters.
I’d been raising the bar too high for Christmas –
making my joy dependent on what can’t be –
instead of being grateful for all the good that IS –
for all the good that’s mine here and now.
There’s still so much to celebrate –
and nothing can separate
me from the love of Love Itself.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Mom Would Have Been 97 Today

Colleen was born the youngest of ten children to Christian and Ida (Miller) Haag on December 26, 1927 in Pasco, Washington.

She graduated from Pasco High School in 1945 and went on to attend the University of Idaho (where she ran on the track team), the College of Puget Sound (UPS), and the University of Montana, where she earned her degree in musical performance in 1951.

During the summers between college she worked in the souvenir shop at Mount Rainier National Park, where she met her husband, Dee, who was a park ranger there.

Colleen “Mozzy” Molenaar was a treasure. She was fun and feisty and had a wonderful self-deprecating sense of humor. She taught her children that God is Love, and taught them to look for the good in people.

She was a gifted singer and had once been accepted into the Portland Opera Company, but decided, instead, to marry Dee and move to Colorado to begin a life with him.

In her younger years she spent much of her time in the mountains with Dee, hiking and climbing (she climbed to the summit of Mount Rainier twice!).

In her later years she enjoyed crossword puzzles, reading (her tastes were eclectic), caring for her animals (goats, llamas, and cats) at the family home in Port Orchard, keeping her bird feeders filled, watching Carl Sagan talk about the cosmos, and spending time with her children and grand-children.

In 2016 she and Dee moved to LaConner to be closer to her daughter.

She passed away peacefully in her sleep at her daughter’s home in Bow, Washington, on February 21, 2017.

Mozzy is survived by her husband of 62 years, Dee; her daughter, Karen, and son-in-law, Scott Terrell; her son, Peter, and his partner Sheila (Lindula) of Hoodsport; son David Molenaar of Olympia; and grandchildren, Andrew and Alexander Terrell (both of Bellingham), Claire Molenaar (Denver, Colorado) and Casey Molenaar (Olympia), and numerous nephews, nieces, and friends.

She was preceded in death by her parents and nine siblings.

Colleen’s family is grateful for the wonderful people at hospice who helped her through this transition. Special thanks to hospice nurse, Renee.

Thoughts from Moz’s grandson, Casey: I have never seen such an amazing soul, one that the world has had the great misfortune to lose today. No matter the situation, she ONLY gave out love and nothing but and she has been a huge part of my understanding of love and has instilled its importance in me. I believe that the thing I heard from her the most was “God is love” — and that statement, in the entirety of its meaning, looms inside me and will continue to for the rest of my life.

I am thankful to have had such a giving and goofy woman in my life…There aren’t enough words to describe this wonderful lady. I will miss her very much, as will I’m sure every single person who has had the pleasure of meeting her. And truth be told, as I reflect, I am happy; I was fortunate enough to know her and call her a big part of my family.

Thank you for teaching me that love is EVERYTHING.

Link to Mom singing Mamma Mia.

Ode to Boxing Day

It’s a humble holiday, tucked in between
Christmas and New Year’s, but it’s really keen.
Things look a little bedraggled, it’s true
The tree’s a little droopy and no longer new

The movies and music of the Christmas season
Are getting on our nerves now, and we’re seeing no reason
To eat even one more sugary oversweet sweet
It’s time for broccoli and carrots (maybe hold on the beets)

The pressure for perfection comes off on this day,
the toys have been opened, and it’s come time to play.
And if before we were wearing faux holiday cheer
to blend in with the others and not Scroogey appear

It’s time now to be genuine, and honest and real.
The food banks are empty, people still need a warm meal.
The homeless and hungry and jobless and alone
still need love and care, still need a home.

So maybe we can celebrate the day after Christmas
by keeping the spirit of hope alive,
we might make that our business.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell, from A Poem Lives on My Windowsill

Christmas Wrapping

You’ve Made a Difference

Dear ones,
I’m not sure you realize how powerful and important your kindness has been to me, and this world. Trust me. You’ve made a difference.
Karen

Love Without Distance

I wake early on Christmas morn
and come downstairs to plug in the lights.
I feel the loss of those who aren’t near
this year –
I feel the holes in my sphere
and I feel grief here.

And then Love is talking to me,
gently nudging my shoulder,
embracing me and letting me know
I am not alone.

I feel my dear ones gathering around me –
those who have passed on,
and those still on this plane of existence –
I feel their love without distance –
they’re with me still.
I reach out and hug them back.
There are no holes here.
My heart is filled.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Christmas Lights

Shortest Day Is Here

shortest day is here
we rest in the darkness
tomorrow brings light

-Karen Molenaar Terrell
(Photo of the last sunset before solstice by Karen Molenaar Terrell.)

Next Year This Christmas Will Be the New Past

Every Christmas is different
from the last,
and brings its own gifts,
and a new past.

Mom and Dad are no longer here,
but their sweaters hang
from the back of our chairs,
and I feel Mom’s smile on me,
and Dad’s grin,
and sometimes I feel a nostalgic
yearning to go back to what’s been.

The sons are all grown up now
with homes of their own.
But I remember their childhood excitement
when they’d wake on Christmas morn –
running downstairs to see what Santa
brought them during the night
and put under the Christmas tree’s lights.

And there’s a sad sweetness
to the remembering.

Next year this Christmas
will be the new past.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Solstice Morning-Night

Sparky cat stares, transfixed,
at the Christmas tree
and shares the stillness
of this solstice morning with me.
I’ve plugged in the lights –
red and gold, green and white –
and I sit on the couch with my feet
on the coffee table, embraced
in the peace of the solstice morning-night.

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

A California Weekend

Scott and I flew to California last weekend to see our son Andrew, and daughter-in-law Christina, and our little granddaughter, and to visit other relatives who live near to them. It was a wonderful stay in every single way.

But, my friends, going into it, I had a lot of fear about it all. Would I get sick before we left and not be able to fly out? Would I get sick when I was down there and not be able to fly home? Would I lose my hearing aids? Would I lose my contact lens? Would I lose my passport? My cellphone? Would the plane lose a window mid-flight and would I get sucked through it kiester-first and get stuck in it? Would the grandbaby recognize me?

Fears like that.

Fittingly, the Christian Science Bible Lesson sermon for Sunday was “God the Preserver of Man” and was full of verses like these: “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” (Psalms 27). “The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works…The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth.” (Psalms 145).”The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.” (Psalms 121). “Fear thou not; for I am with thee…” (Isaiah 41).

I leaned into those passages and felt Love wrapping me up in Her arms and giving me a big hug. Love never changes, never ends, never abandons us. Love loves us even when we’re being ridiculous.

The four days of our trip flew by. Here are the highlights…

The Singing Shuttle Bus Driver

Jose, our shuttlebus driver from the parking lot to SeaTac Airport was so cool! He’s from Nicaragua and was singing a song from Ecuador. Jose said we’re all on this planet to help one another, and I said, “We’re all in this together!” He grinned and nodded his head and sang us his songs. What a great way to start the day. Here’s a youtube link to the performance he gave us that morning: https://youtu.be/ujz8FGhDqvI

The Flight Out

The flight out was a little rocky – there were a couple of big bumps that would have sent us flying out of our seats if we hadn’t been buckled in – but everyone was so matter-of-fact about it all. The man across the aisle from me was calmly eating his snacks, and watching a movie on his cellphone as our plane tossed and bucked. I thanked him for that, and he smiled back at me – completely at ease with our wild ride.

When we landed we found our rental car and let Mrs. Google direct us to Andrew and Christina’s place. I hurried ahead of Scott – eager to see our granddaughter. I peeked around the curtain and into the living room, and there she was! She looked up and saw me and her whole face lit up in a grin! She recognized me! Pretty soon she was toddle-running to the door and pretty soon I had her in my arms again. Oh joy! Oh wonder!

Grandbaby Stories

The Pizza Story: I was reading a book to my granddaughter and there was a picture of a pizza piece in it. We’d just had pizza the night before and Grandbaby had bitten into a jalapeno – which she tried to blow out in the same way you’d blow out a candle. “Pfft pfft.” Now, as she saw the illustration of the piece of pizza, she pointed to it and pointed to her mouth and then said, “Pfft pfft.”

The Keys: As I was reading Good night, Gorilla to the grandbaby, I was describing to her what the gorilla was doing in the illustrations, “The gorilla stole the zookeeper’s keys and now he’s letting ALL the animals out of their cages, and look – they’re following the zookeeper back to his home.” Grandbaby pointed to the keys and pointed to the door and turned her little hand like she was opening the door with the keys. Christina told me that our grandbaby has been trying to open the doors with her keys, but it hasn’t worked out for her – she keeps dropping them. Later I joined Andrew for a walk with Grandbaby, and he let her carry his keys. When we got to the gate, he helped her unlock it. She was so proud and pleased with herself!

The Slide: Christina, and I took Granddaughter to the park. I helped Granddaughter climb up to the top of the slide and helped her get situated so she could slide down to her mum. When she got to the bottom she turned around with a big grin on her face, and pointed to me and then to the slide, letting me know she wanted me to go down the slide now. So I did.

A few hours later I was reading a book to her that included a picture of a slide. Grandbaby pointed to the slide and then pointed to me and then pointed back to the slide. She was reminding me that I had gone down the slide, too!

Ears: I read a story that included a bunny. I pointed to the bunny’s ears, and Marilyn pointed to her own ears, and then pointed to my ears and pointed back to the bunny’s ears again. She got up and toddled over to her mum and pointed to her mum’s ears and then to her grandpa to point to his ears. And pretty son Grandpa Scott was teaching her the “Head and shoulders, knees and toes” song.

Cool Bakeries

Andrew and Christina guided us on a walk to the Larchmont neighborhood where there were all kinds of cool shops and bakeries. We made a stop at Erin McKenna’s vegan bakery for some treats, and Danny, the cashier (and a good sport) posed for us behind her counter.

There was also a great little Mexican bakery, K Bakery, right across the street from our motel where we bought smoothies and little fruit-filled turnovers to begin our day. I loved the atmosphere in there – lively Mexican music playing in the background, and paintings by Mexican artists on the wall, and everyone friendly and helpful.

Visit with Our Niece and Her Family

Scott’s sister’s daughter, Kate, and her husband, Tan, live about half an hour from Andrew and Christina. We took advantage of this by paying them a visit on our second day in California. It was so good to see them again, and to enjoy watching our grandbaby playing with Kate and Tan’s little ones. Both Christina and Tan are of Vietnamese heritage and it seemed perfect for Tan to ordered take-out from a nearby Vietnamese restaurant. The food was great; the fellowship with family was dear; and watching the little ones playing together brought me a heart full of grins. It was a perfect visit.

A Trip to the Beach

We spent our last night with my cousin, Laurie, and her husband, Roger, and their son, James. I hadn’t seen Laurie since my dad’s hundredth birthday six years ago and it meant so much to me to be able to connect with her again. Her daughter, Allison, came over with her young daughter and it was good to be able to be able to see them again, too, and get caught up on life.

Laurie brought out some old family photos that she inherited from her mom and some of our aunts, and we went looking through them together, talking about our family history, and sharing memories.

Our last day in California, Cousin Laurie drove Scott and I to the coast and I got to dip my finger in the Pacific.

We met these two very cool fishermen at a local marina. I asked Rafael if I could take his photo, and he had no problems with that. I asked him his name and he said Rafael, and then he asked me mine. “Karen, of course,” I said, grinning. He laughed with me about my name – successfully passing my “Karen Test.”

Philip was relaxing in his chair on the other side of the pier, classic rock playing from his e-bike. He’d overheard me introduce myself to Rafael and, smiling, told me I did that “right.” “You gotta have fun with it, right?” I said, laughing.

Philip told us that he once caught the biggest angel shark ever seen in the harbor – he said it was about five and a half feet long and four feet wide! He took a picture of it before it went back into the water. Philip also told us that we could find him on his youtube channel, “Honey Hole Trackers.” (Here’s the link to that: https://www.youtube.com/@HoneyHoleTrackers )

I asked Philip and Rafael if they were old friends, and they said they’d just met that day. I told them I had a feeling this was the beginning of a long friendship.

A Perfect Good Bye

The day before, when I’d said goodbye to my grandbaby before we headed to Laurie’s, Grandbaby had put her little arms around my neck and clung to me and sobbed, and I’d sobbed, too. I didn’t want our last goodbye before we left California to be a repeat of that. I worried about it. And I prayed.

We took a last walk around the block with Andrew and our granddaughter – posing under the golden autumn leaves of the gingko tree across the street, stopping to touch tree bark and wave to dogs going on walks with their humans. When we were done with our walk we went back inside Andrew and Christina’s home and read books. Andrew started beating on the toy tambourine that had been one of my first gifts to the baby, and then Andrew handed me the tambourine and he began to shake a rattle in time to my beats, and we sang and made a song together. Pretty soon Grandbaby started dancing to our song. Her dance was charming and filled my grandma’s heart.

When Scott started putting on his shoes, Grandbaby brought me my shoes to put on, too. Scott and I gathered our things to leave. Grandbaby reached up for a hug, and I asked her to kiss my cheek (I pointed to it), and then kiss my other cheek, too, and she smiled and put her little face next to me. We hugged Christina and Andrew goodbye, and then I transferred Granddaughter to Andrew and he turned her the other direction, and Scott and I slipped out the door. As we left, we looked up at their window, and Grandbaby was at the window with Andrew and Christina waving goodbye to us and smiling. We waved goodbye back and smiled and blew everyone a kiss. It was a sweet, joyful parting. Perfect!

The Flight Home

Our flight home was at night. Mrs. Google led us through Hollywood – we didn’t even realize we were IN Hollywood until we saw the Hollywood Museum sign. That was cool. There was heavy traffic getting to the airport, but once we got there everything went pretty quickly. There was no one in front of us at the TSA screening desk, and we got through all of that smoothly. We chatted to a delightful fellow passenger named Samantha in the waiting area – Samantha was going home to Seattle to be with her family over the holidays. We boarded our flight, buckled ourselves in, and two and half hours later we were back in the rain of Seattle.

Note: I did not lose my passport, my contact lens, or my hearing aids; I did not get sucked out of the plane; and I did not get sick. Love deposited me gently back in my home after a lovely visit with my family. And here we are.

Nope.

Nope.
I am not going to be a victim today –
pitiful, hapless, awkward, less than, weak,
defenseless, unable, cowering at the dangers
I’m told are at every turn and in every corner.
P’shaw! P’shaw, I say!
I am made by the Magnificent, the Powerful,
the Perfect, the Splendorous One –
and can’t be anything less than Her perfect
image and likeness, reflection, expression,
manifestation, creation,
precious child.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

(NASA photo.)