Reassurances from Love (and I Am Such a Karen)

Dentist appointment in Sedro today for a cleaning and a check.

I got there early and noticed that a couple people who came after me were getting ushered into their appointments. I also noted that my file seemed to be in the back. “Well, I probably should move my file to the front!” I thought, and went over to the files to do that. (I know. I am such a Karen.) But then I realized that the files weren’t just put there randomly – there were specific slots and mine was in the right one for me. So then I felt ashamed that I’d been all in a harrumph about this. (It’s so embarrassing being a Karen.)

Right after that my hygienist, Renee, came to fetch me. I apologized for my rudeness, but she hadn’t seen any of what I’d been up to, and told me not to worry about it. Renee is new there, and she was great – efficient, professional, talked to me about what she was doing while she did it. She said the best part of the job is meeting the people, hearing their stories, and sharing hers. (And she told me that my gums and teeth were beautiful, and I should keep up the good work. 🙂 )

Hansrolf, my dentist, came in then to look over my x-rays and check out my teeth. I told him about my earlier rudeness and he started laughing. “You gotta be careful about moving your file into other slots or you’ll find yourself getting a root canal!” he said.

I told him, “Don’t laugh, but I used Christian Science voodoo to heal my root canal problem a few weeks ago.” He laughed. (I’ve found that whenever I start a sentence with “don’t laugh” the funnest people always start laughing immediately.) He hadn’t checked the periodontist’s report, yet, but did then. He told me everything looked fine. And, regarding my “CS voodoo,” he said that if something works for someone, who is he to question it? He asked me if anything hurt. I said no. He said, “Well, if it’s not broken, we don’t need to fix it.”

When I left, I stopped off at the receptionist and apologized for messing with the files. She smiled and told me not to worry about this. I’d done nothing wrong. It was all good.

Whew!

Another patient left right before me, and when I followed her out she turned around and asked me if we knew each other. I felt like we did. We asked each other questions – workplaces, neighborhoods, etc. We decided that maybe we didn’t know each other after all, but acknowledged that it was nice to meet each other now. As I turned to leave, she yelled, “Wait! What’s your dad’s name?” I told her “Dee Molenaar.” She asked me if I’d posted stories about him on Facebook. I told her I had. She said she’d bought the book about the adventures I’d had with Dad in the last years of his life, and she said it had meant a lot to her. She started tearing up then. She said my stories had helped her as she navigated the last years of HER father’s life with him. She’d taken her dad on drives, too.

I asked her if I could have a hug, and we hugged, right there, on the corner of Metcalf and State. I told my new friend, Lisa, that her words had meant a lot to me. And they had. It was like Love had sent me this sweet message right when I needed a reminder that I’m okay.

I started back to my car. I peeked into The Mountain Shop as I went by and saw the owner of the shop – my friend, Craig, in there. Craig introduced me to Nima, a mountaineering sherpa, and told Nima a little about my mountaineering dad. It was lovely to see Craig again, and lovely to meet Nima.

There’s this alley on Metcalf, that has a canopy of rainbow-colored umbrellas strung across it. I stood there for a moment – just watching the umbrellas move in the breeze. It was peaceful there.

I’d been a little nervous about going to my dental appointment. I’d been tempted to cancel because I have so much else going on right now. But I’m glad I didn’t cancel. Look at all the reassurances from Love that awaited me!

The Cloud Will Pass

I feel the shadow of depression
moving in and I’m filled
with dread and fear –
my instinct to turn and flee.
But instead I pause, take a breath,
and face the shadow – see
it for what it is – just a cloud
floating by. It will pass.
It won’t last.
But I will.

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

Forgiveness: Recognizing My Own Flaws

I have a post on my Facebook wall about trauma – how we shouldn’t expect others to admit to the trauma they’ve caused us, and that it’s enough to know that we deserved more (via MJ Schweiker in “The Feral Spiritualists” group) . And I just need to say this – in my long life, I’m guessing that *I* have been a trauma-giver myself at times. I can imagine saying or doing something thoughtlessly – never with the intent to hurt, but just without thought – and I hope that anyone I might have unintentionally hurt will forgive me, and know that you didn’t deserve to be hurt – that the burden for that hurt lies with me, not you.

Sidenote: Recognizing my own human fallibility and flaws has been a huge gift to me. It’s made it easier for me to forgive others THEIR flaws and foibles. I think most of us are doing the best we can – sometimes under very difficult and challenging circumstances – sometimes in situations where it might not have seemed clear what was “right” and what was “wrong.”

I think if we start with Love, and let Love lead us, we’ll find ourselves in heaven right here. And that’s what I wish for everyone.

“The kingdom of heaven is within you.” – Jesus

“And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” – Jesus

“And Love is reflected in love.” – Mary Baker Eddy

(Photo of Mount Shuksan by Karen Molenaar Terrell.)

Shuksan Reflection

“Where Was God?”

A dear friend asks me “Why?
Where was God?”
And I struggle to find an answer.
I try to go metaphysical –
“Darkness doesn’t have a source,”
I say. “It’s just the absence of light.”
I say, “Blaming God, Love, for this
is like blaming the light
for the darkness –
blaming Love for hate,
blaming Truth for lies.”
And I believe what I’m saying, but…

I don’t have the magic words
that are going to ease the pain,
mend broken hearts, bring clarity
to what’s unfathomable.

Here’s what I have: I can love.
I can love like there’s no tomorrow.
And that’s what I offer.
Love is here.

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

“And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.”
– I Kings

The World Wakes

Feel the presence of Love,
surrounding, abounding,
infinite, undiluted, never-ending
Good, filling all space and thought.
Behold the light rising on a new day,
steadily filling the darkness as it comes –
irresistible, unstoppable, invincible,
unflappable.

The birds stir and sing in a new morning.
A gentle breeze filled with the fragrance
of sweet life wafts by us.
The world wakes.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Before the Day Begins

Before the day begins
before the headlines and breaking news
I wake in the quiet of the middle of the night,
climb into the lap of universal Mother-Love
and feel her pull me close,
comforting, assuring,
“All is well. All, all is well.”
I nestle in under Her shoulder,
and feel the vibrations of Love’s cosmic humming.

The light is beginning to fill the sky now
and I prepare for the new day
with Love’s assurance still with me,
“All is well. All, all is well.”

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

Healing of Tooth Pain

I’ve been hesitant to share this because I’m not sure how people will react to it, but… what the heck, right? I think it would be shameful if I let my cowardice prevent me from expressing my gratitude.

A couple of weeks ago I began feeling a pain in my tooth that felt suspiciously like the pain I’d had that had led to a root canal a few years ago. Two weeks ago on Friday I ate something hot and the nagging pain went to a throbbing pain that lasted for hours. My dentist’s office isn’t open on Fridays, or the weekend, so going to the dentist was not an option for me.

I reached out to a Christian Science practitioner for her prayerful support, and very soon I felt the pain diminishing. She gave me some thoughts to work with on the topic of “substance.” As I prayed, I focused on these three ideas: 1) Love, God, made everything, and everything Love made was good. So there is no bad substance. 2) There is no lack or limitation of good substance because Love is infinite and unlimited. 3) Disease is unnatural. This became my mantra – “There’s no bad substance. There’s no lack of good substance. Disease is unnatural.”

At some point that weekend I felt like I’d been healed. The pain was gone. I called the practitioner and thanked her for her support, and told her I was going to take it from there. But doubts continued to enter into my thought. I’m going to visit family in California in a couple weeks, and the idea of dealing with tooth pain while I’m down there was concerning.

So on the next Monday morning I called my dentist and went in to see him a couple days later. I described what the pain had felt like the week before, and he did some tests and looked at some x-rays and said everything pointed to a root canal. His office made an appointment for me to see a periodontist the next day.

As I was driving to the periodontist I listened to CS hymns on my CD player. As the singers were singing about “light,” the light shone through the clouds and landed on me. And I realized I wouldn’t be surprised if the periodontist told me I didn’t need a root canal, after all.

X-rays were taken, tests were performed, and guess what? The periodontist told me I didn’t need a root canal, after all. 😃 He said one of my old fillings was going to need to be replaced by a crown at some point, but my regular dentist could do that for me.

Love, God, laughed with me all the way home.

I haven’t felt any tooth pain at all in the last couple of weeks.

Peace. Be Still.

Peace. Be still. Listen.
Do you hear the song of Love
calling to your heart?
Do you feel the cool breeze of kindness
blowing over our humanity’s fevered skin?
Do you see the kinship in the sun
and moon, oceans and air we all share?
Does the sweet fragrance of spring remind you
of things more important than hate
and fear and war?
The call to Love is universal
and irresistible. It will not be ignored.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell.

A Letter to Dad, Dee Molenaar, on His 107th Birthday

My dad’s birthday is today. He would have been 107. I’ve put other stuff on my wall about Pop – recycled stories and videos (and have I mentioned Dad is in Wikipedia?) 😃 But I thought I’d gift him with something new for his birthday. He’s not really gone, you see. I still feel his presence here with me – not as a ghost or anything – but I feel his smile with me, his humor and his love.

Daddy, I miss our drives together. I miss the conversations we managed to have, even though we were both hard-of-hearing. I remember you sitting in the passenger seat, your head going back and forth as you took in the landscape, telling me about the geologic history of whatever area we were traveling through, and often saying, “I made a field trip out here for the USGS,” or “I hiked that trail,” or “I climbed that,” or “This would make a good painting.”

One of the greatest gifts you passed on to me was a love for the outdoors, and an appreciation of the natural beauty around us. I followed you up to the summits of Hood and Rainier, Baker and Adams – and when I look at those peaks now I’m sort of in awe that I climbed them – who was I to think I could do that?!

I was Dee Molenaar’s daughter, that’s who.

You instilled a confidence in myself that’s gotten me through some really challenging years. Thank you for that gift, too.

Through your travels and connections you met some amazing, fearless people. Your community of fellow adventurers was filled with brave, heroic visionaries. You introduced me to people of all races and all major religions, and exampled for me what it means to love the world’s people without bigotry or discrimination. As a youngster, I hiked with Tenzing Norgay! As a twelve-year-old, I ran a mile down our country road with Doris Brown!! Governor Evans came to our house to borrow climbing equipment one time. And it wasn’t out-of-the-ordinary for me to pick up the phone and find myself talking to Edmund HIllary. You were comfortable moving among both the famous and the not, and always enjoyed meeting new “mountain people.”

You could be stubborn. You could be critical. You could be bossy. But I always knew you loved me. I always felt your support. You let me know you were proud of me. I’m glad I had you for my Pop.

Happy birthday, Daddy!

(Photos: My feet next to Dad’s – I think this was on our climb of Mount Hood when I was 15; a screenshot of what came up when I googled “Dee Molenaar”; Dad, my brother, Pete, and I on Mount Rainier.)

A Collective Awakening

I can imagine it –
all the world waking up one morning
as if from a strange dream –
shaking our heads to clear the last
of it from our thoughts
and looking around at the beauty
surrounding us – the beauty
that’s always been here –
as if we’re seeing it for the first time.
I can imagine us blinking our eyes
at the wonder of the first sunrise
after our collective awakening.
Looking at each other with new eyes –
recognizing the Love that’s always
bound and connected us to each other.
Seeing in each other the splendor
of our universal body.
I can imagine it like it’s happening
right now.

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

Moon Over Mount Baker