Sam the Wonder Dog died last summer. On her last drive to the vet’s her umber eyes were still bright and alert as she looked out one last time on the scene passing by – still engaged with this world.
And now I sit in the chair that we had accepted was her chair while she was with us. For the first time I no longer smell her fur in the fabric I nestle in. For months we tried to get rid of Sam’s smell – we vacuumed; we steam cleaned; we scrubbed with soapy rags – but the Sam-smell never seemed to leave us. And now, it seems, it has. And I think I might miss it.
I rub the fabric of the chair, and for a moment I feel like I am petting Sam’s sleek coat, and I feel her with me – warm and dear, an expression of Love.
Her body is gone, and her smell. But Sam’s still with us in her love. -Karen Molenaar Terrell
Note to self: You’re not born with a finite supply of hearing, seeing, moving, being that’s going to run out at some point and leave you deaf, blind, arthritic, and dead. Don’t feel like you have to reserve life and lay some aside like some crazy miser, holding your life back for future use – your life needs you to live it right now. -Karen Molenaar Terrell
“Life is eternal. We should find this out, and begin the demonstration thereof.” -Mary Baker Eddy
It’s a matter of trust. Without trust, we shut the door on joys and love that might have been ours and instead spend time analyzing and imagining the bad that could happen if we open the door wide to what’s outside and let Life embrace us. We limit what we can do and be and know and see and have in our lives. And when eventually our lives come to an end we look back and wonder what might have been if we’d just trusted in Life.
It’s a matter of trust. With trust, we can open our hearts wide to Life and to the endless possibilities and opportunities for being and sharing and giving and living without fear of lack, or hurt, or failure or loss – knowing Love will celebrate with us when we open our heart’s door and let Life shower and pour Its treasures on you and me in ways we can’t possibly foresee. -Karen Molenaar Terrell
A prayer. Love, Truth, and Life fill all space. Love, Truth, and Life fill every moment. Love is always with us. We are never outside the reach of Truth. Life never ends. Love, God, is the only Mind, the only Intelligence, the only power.
Mankind is the expression, reflection, and manifestation of Life, Truth, and Love. All we can know is what Truth knows. All we can feel is what Love feels. All we can be is infinite Life living Itself.
The belief that bureaucracy can interrupt the flow of Truth is a lie, for Truth is the only power – nothing has power over Truth. The belief that disease can stop Life is a lie, for Life, God, is never-failing, never-ending, always present and full – nothing has power over Life. The belief that cruelty can touch any of God’s children is a lie, for all of Creation lives safe in Love, hid with Christ in God.
There is no spot where Truth is not. There is no moment when Love is not. Nothing can usurp Love’s control over Her own Creation. Love is here right now, forever and always: Endless joy; forever Love; never-ending Truth. Amen.
I expect to see her at the door tail wagging on our walks nostrils quivering one paw raised mid-stride nose covered in dirt from her latest hole unaware of her own beauty sleek and shiny as a black panther, but goofy as a Disney character exhausting exuberant extraordinary friendlly, fetching frisbees and finding – like magic! – every tennis ball that ever landed off a trail. It was a gift she had. Her first night with us she ate a chunk out of our ottoman – which we will now call “The Samantha Terrell Memorial Ottoman.” Then she went through an “electronics”phase – the cellphone (chomp), the remote control (crunch).
Sam loved her neighbors – the dogs and their humans – and her walks around the neighborhood included frisky, friendly greetings – dog greetings and human greetings. And now the neighbors send us flowers and notes: “She was a good girl.” Our neighbors were good friends to Samantha and their notes make me smile – seeing the love. I miss our Samantha the Wonder Dog. -Karen Molenaar Terrell
I saw a terrible thing yesterday – Involving a mama duck and her baby ducklings and a freeway and a car next to me rolling through feathers. I saw a dead body, and downy feathers on little webbed feet scurrying into the woods without their mama. I pulled over and moved the mama’s still-warm body off the road, tried to call to the babies to come out, wanting to gather them in my arms and bring them home, and keep them safe. And who can I talk to about this ache in my heart? Who would understand?
There was a misunderstanding months ago in the supermarket, involving a woman in a Seahawks mask – I thought she could be a new friend. I tried to connect to her in the aisle between bulk foods and olive oil – “Go Seahawks!” I said, muffled behind my mask. She looked at me above her mask, and frowned, and I knew the Seahawks fan didn’t understand what I’d said – – she couldn’t read my lips or see my smile, and I’d scared her – she was Black and I am White and we live in a time of distrust and fear. The Seahawks fan left quickly, before I could explain. And who can I talk to about this ache in my heart? Who would understand?
I drove by a big rhododendron bush with fat red flowers and thought of Mom and the rhododendron bush she’d planted by the front door of our old home and felt a sudden yearning for her warm hugs and her words of comfort and reassurance. If she were still here I could talk to her about the orphaned ducklings and the woman in the Seahawks mask and my fears and worries and insecurities and she would love me. And who do I talk to now about this ache in my heart?
And the answer came in an instant – a joyous Presence enfolded me in peace and love, without question or judgment or condition or hesitation, affirming the power of Good: Love’s communication of never-ending Life and never-ending care for Her creation – care for ducklings, and a woman in a Seahawks mask, and Mom and me. Love knows what’s in my heart. She knows my intent. And I know I can let it all go – She’s got this. Love gives all Her children exactly what we need, exactly when we need it, and in the exactly right way – including Her ducks and Her child in a Seahawks mask and Her child who is my Mom, and Her child who is me.
Who can I talk to about the ache in my heart? My Father-Mother Love. Always and forever. -Karen Molenaar Terrell
“The intercommunication is always from God to His idea, man.” -Mary Baker Eddy
I want to take a break, I said. Can I step out of life for a moment, or maybe stay in bed? Can things go on without me? Can you just pretend I’m not here? For life is a messy business and I’m tired and I’m weary I’ve made too many mistakes to count today And I’d like to not make anymore, not any.
And the still small voice reached into my thought – gentle, peaceable benediction – “All the good you seek and all that you’ve sought you can claim right now – and that’s no fiction – for Love is yours to express, to feel, and to be – you are wealthy beyond description. Nothing else matters, there’s no other power no warring opinions, no need to cower You are loved and you’re loving and that’s all there is to it Love’s loving child, and there’s nothing else but loving, simply nothing.” – Karen Molenaar Terrell, A Poem Lives on My Windowsill