Category Archives: inspiration

Fear and Living in the Moment

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Here’s a Dad-lesson for the times: I once asked Dad (Dee Molenaar) what he was feeling as he careened down that slope on K2, headed for the drop over the cliff and certain death. Was he scared?

No, he said, it was exhilarating! He was totally in the moment. Enjoying the ride. He knew everything was going to go black for him soon – and knew there was nothing he could do about that – so he just settled into the moment and enjoyed it.

And when I’ve thought about his answer, I’ve realized I can relate to it. The times I’ve been most scared – most filled with unspeakable dread – are the times when I’ve focused on the future – on all the many scary things that MIGHT happen – rather than what was actually happening with me right now – in this moment.

When I’ve found myself – in the moment – facing a challenge – it’s not been scary, really. I’ve focused on the problem at hand and dealt with it.

Rock-climbing is all about the moment – I remember a piton clinking down a rock cliff when I was mid-way up a climb once – I remember looking up to the man belaying me and I remember him looking down at me – I remember the exchange of looks – I remember how quickly I faced the moment and hauled myself up that rock face. There was no time for fear. It was very cool, actually.

I remember feeling that same in-the-momentness when I gave birth to my youngest son. I’d been told, suddenly, that there were complications in the delivery and I was going to need a caesarean section. I remember being wheeled down to the operating room and Mom’s face looking at me from the foot of the gurney. I asked her to call a friend (a Christian Science practitioner) to pray and she hurried off to do that.

And, in that moment, as things were happening, I didn’t feel any fear at all. I felt this amazing since of peace envelope me. I was totally focused on the moment. I could feel the love from all the doctors and nurses – wanting only the best for me and my child – I could feel the love from Scotty and my parents, and my midwife. Everything was happening very quickly, but I felt strangely calm – I wasn’t afraid about what MIGHT happen, IF… I was living in that moment.

When I got down to the OR, they hooked me up to all these machines. I remember the eyes of the medical staff looking at the machines, then back to me, and I could see they were puzzled – and then suddenly they were all telling me to push! – like they were fans at a football game, rooting me on! And they were celebrating with me!

My baby was born the old-fashioned way that day. (But it wouldn’t have mattered, really, if he’d entered the world in another manner – the form of the the birth wasn’t important to me.) One of the surgical nurses was actually crying! She said she’d never been able to witness a vaginal birth before – and it was really beautiful.

Later I learned what the CS practitioner had told my mom that morning: “Life loves that baby!”

And I know this, for sure, Life loves ALL of us – each and every one of Her children – it doesn’t matter where we are or what we’re doing or what the time – it doesn’t matter if we’re on a rock cliff or on an operating table, or in quarantine or on the Moon – Love is there with us, loving us, eternally and always.

Let’s do what we need to do for each other right now, humanly. Physical distance, but not isolation – knowing that we are the very expressions of Love, loved by Love, never separated or isolated from Love. Living in this moment.
– Karen

I found this quote about fear from Eckhart Tolle really helpful to me:
“The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger. It comes in many forms: unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia, and so on. This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while your mind is in the future. This creates an anxiety gap…You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection – you cannot cope with the future.”
– Eckhart Tolle, from Live Real

More quotes about fear:

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more so that we may fear less.”
– Marie Curie

“…knowing what must be done does away with fear.”
– Rosa Parks

“I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.”
– Louisa May Alcott

“Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.”
– Lady Bird Johnson

“Fear never stopped being and its action.”
– Mary Baker Eddy

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.”
– Eckhart Tolle

 

Solace at the Cemetery

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In these panicked times
In these fretful, frenzied, frantic times
I have found solace at the cemetery.
The shells of those who’ve lived
here and moved on
to whatever comes beyond
no longer need to distance themselves
from anyone, from me.
I find peace with them – the chrysalises
of my friends – Mike, Rachael, and Debby.

I wander amid the tombstones, snapping
photos of them, and the spinning wheels –
the bright spinners are the only movement
in the cemetery and I feel
drawn to the movement of their rainbow
spinning, faster and faster as I approach,
in a show just for me.

I’m allowed to be here. In the sunshine.
In the peace of the cemetery.
And no one disturbs me as I wander
through the final beds
for the shells of those who
are no longer scared of what lies ahead.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

Bow Cemetery #1
Bow Cemetery – Civil War Veteran #1
Bow Cemetery – Civil War Veteran #2
Bow Cemetery – Civil War Veteran #3
Bow Cemetery #2
Bow Cemetery #3

 

Seeing the Best

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Last week we cancelled the flight to Pittsburgh that we were going to take today to see Scott’s family because – duh! – right? We thought it might be cool to make our annual trek to Lincoln City, Oregon, instead. So we booked a couple nights at a pet-friendly place there for tonight and tomorrow night. Then we woke up this morning and realized that this was probably not such a good idea, either. I’d been told earlier that we needed to cancel our reservations by Sunday, though, or we’d lose the money. Soooo…

The thought occurred to me that maybe I could call homeless shelters in Lincoln City – maybe they knew someone who could use a warm room for two nights. So I called a couple places – one wasn’t open, yet, another one told me that because of the virus they’d already found a hotel to put their homeless people in. She thanked me, though, for wanting to do this, and seemed really grateful for my gesture.

When I realized I wasn’t going to be able to use this room to help homeless folks, I called Sailor Jack’s to cancel our reservation. And Angie at the desk said we hadn’t been charged, yet, and we wouldn’t be! She cancelled our reservations without charge! AND told us to stay safe up here. I told her we’d be coming down again later and we’d be seeing her.

I’m just… I’m kind of teary-eyed here. People are so kind. I’m seeing the best in folks right now.
– Karen

Sunset over flooded fields in Skagit County, Washington State. Photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell.

Go Outside and Look at the Stars

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If you have a clear sky tonight go outside and take a gander at the stars. From our home, Venus looks HUGE tonight. The frogs are just starting to make their music. There’s peace and beauty all around us.

The stars help put everything in perspective for me. The universe is so much bigger than our problems – and I find that oddly reassuring. I always say hi to Mom when I look at the stars. And now I say hi to Dad, too.
– Karen

“The stars make night beautiful, and the leaflet turns naturally towards the light.”
– Mary Baker Eddy

Blue Cosmos (photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell)

The Second Hundred Years: Further Adventures with Dad

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The sequel to Are You Taking Me Home Now? Adventures with Dad is now available as a Kindle book. The print book should be available sometime in the next couple days. The new book is called The Second Hundred Years: Further Adventures with Dad.

The book’s description: The Second Hundred Years: Further Adventures with Dad is the sequel to Are You Taking Me Home Now? Adventures with Dad. The Second Hundred Years chronicles the further adventures of well-known mountaineer, Dee Molenaar, 101, and his daughter, Karen, as they visit, take drives through the countryside together, and say good bye.

Smiles Extend Beyond Six Feet – Keep ‘Em Coming! :)

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To Fred Meyer’s shoppers and Hagen’s shoppers, and the people I’ve passed on my walks on the Bellingham boardwalk – thank you so much for exchanging smiles with me in the last couple weeks! Everyone I’ve encountered has been kind and courteous and helpful. Thank you for laughing with me at the empty toilet paper shelves. Thank you for extending your elbows to me. 🙂  I’ve heard stories of folks fighting over toilet paper, stock-piling hand sanitizers – I’d been a little concerned about virus vigilantes trying to lock people in a quarantine if they sneezed – but all I’ve encountered in the last few weeks has been unshakeable kindness. Maybe we have to keep our physical distance from each other – but isn’t it cool that smiles can extend beyond six feet?!

Smiles are powerful things, my friends. Keep ’em coming! 🙂 😀 🙂

Happy Girl

Daffodils in the Wind

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It was a beautiful and perfect day, but not in the way
that you probably imagine. The skies were grey,
the new daffodil blossoms bent over in the gusting
wind. It was a hot tea and zipped jacket day.
There was a sweet melancholy in my thoughts
as I drove by your old home, our old haunts,
and remembered the two of you, laughing and happy,
exploring your new hometown. There was no pain
in the sweet sadness.  No  tears.  A gentle  gladness
for the time I had with you here.  It was a day to rent
“The Secret Garden” and watch young Mary learn
about hope and magic while a fire danced and burned
in the woodstove and a cat curled up on my lap for a nap.

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

Photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell.

daffodil reflection this one

The Love’s Never Died

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I’ve been sort of dreading today all week. It’s the third anniversary of Moz’s passing today. Last night I found myself reliving in my thoughts the series of things that happened three years ago. Moz being brought to our home in an ambulance. Moz being wheeled on a stretcher into our home. The conversations we had. The uncertainty about what lay ahead. Did we have six months? Or less? The hospice nurse coming over to show us how to care for Moz.

Last night I went to bed. Dreading. And I slept.

I slept right through the time of Moz’s passing and beyond that – I think I got a full eight hours in! And when I woke up this morning there was a lightness to my heart. I felt joy.

I ended up at Lake Padden – did a quick walk around the lake – it was beautiful up there today. And I felt Moz and Dad with me.

And that’s the thing, isn’t it? We’re never really separated from those we love! Never! The love is as real now as it was three years ago! The love’s never died. All that’s real never dies.

Just had to share.

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
– Revelations 21:4

Moz and Einstein.

Loyalty to Good

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Here’s a thought that’s been really helpful to me in the last several years: We don’t ever need to side with people – not with Trump or Pelosi or Obama or McCain, or whoever – we just need to side with Truth and Love. If I start there – with Truth and Love – everything else sort of falls into place after that. Is this path leading me towards Love – towards being kinder, more thoughtful, more selfless, more compassionate, more understanding of others? If not, then do not waste time with it. Does that road lead to Truth? Is it going to make me more honest? Will I still have my integrity intact at the end of that road? If not, then do not follow that road.

I’m thinking our only loyalty should be to what is good in this world – to what is kind and honest and selfless and decent and honorable.

Alrighty. That concludes today’s sermon. Carry on then…
– Karen

Valentine’s Gift

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“Love, redolent with unselfishness, bathes all in beauty and light.”
– Mary Baker Eddy

It may not come in the form
of a Valentine’s card
a box of chocolates
a sparkly ring in a jewelry box
a dozen roses
But if you look for it today
you’ll see it –
that gift meant just for you –
the evidence of Love’s love.

See it in the smile you get
from a stranger,
in the sunrise and sunset,
the stars sparkling
in the night sky
and the rainbow
unique to you
– no one else sees it
just as you do.

You bring your own gift
within you wherever
you go.
Feel it. Hear it.
Embrace it. Know
Life’s love.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

 “Three components are necessary for a rainbow. There must be sun, there must be raindrops, and there must be a conscious eye…your eyes must be located at that spot where the refracted light from the sunlit droplets converges to complete the required geometry. A person next to you will complete his or her own geometry… and will therefore see a separate rainbow… As real as the rainbow looks, it requires your presence just as much as it requires sun and rain.”
– Robert Lanza, Biocentricism

A rainbow arches over Padilla Bay in Skagit County, Washington. (photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell)