I Could Feel Her with Me today

I could feel her with me today
as I sat on the pew surrounded
by song and peace and love.
I could feel her in the calm,
in the courage, and in the hope.
She was with me in that space,
with me in my thoughts,
and she was real – as real as you
and me and the music.
As long as I can love, she’ll be with me –
and her love will live on in me –
whether it’s on a trail in the forest,
lunch with dear friends, or a church
on the corner of 6th and Cedar.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God…”
– Romans 8

Advertisements

Filled with Truth and Love

 

Lately I’ve found myself thinking a lot about mortality. My own. This is not something that I used to think about much. But as the hospice nurse who looks in on Dad said to me, “It’s in your face.”  The last six months seem to have been filled with death – it seems every week someone I care about passes on. Sometimes the deaths have come quickly and unexpectedly, and sometimes they’ve come slowly – after long illnesses.

I could go a couple different directions here. I could be all philosophical – offer detached (and really profound) thoughts about death and dying. Or maybe I could talk about my fear of getting sucked into a vortex where I might be expected to give up control of my own body to the “experts” – maybe seen as an interesting medical experiment, and clucked over with much head-shaking and criticism: “She ate how much cheese every day?!”

But… yeah… I’m thinking I’ll do something else here.

Here’s what I know about me – and about you, too, actually – we are the children of God, Love. We are perfect right now – made in the image and likeness of perfect Love, Truth, and Life. We are strong, fearless, and beautiful – without blemish or flaw. There isn’t even the teensiest, tiniest part of us that can be unlike our perfect Creator – for all we can be is Her reflection. “There is no spot where God is not.”

Death is an illusion – a shadow – and it has no might or right or power to stop Life, or alter perfection. Death has no power to separate us from Love – not now, not ever. Those loved ones who appear to have walked through its shadow are unchanged, perfect, beautiful, still unfolding and learning and progressing.

I ain’t going to be afraid of death, or sickness, or evil of any kind. I know that all things work together for good to those who love Love – nothing can prevent Love from reaching me, or you. I ain’t going to be afraid of fear, either. “Fear never stopped being or its action.” (Mary Baker Eddy)

In The First Church of Christ, Scientist and Miscellany, Mary Baker Eddy writes: “Beloved Christian Scientists, keep your minds so filled with Truth and Love, that sin, disease, and death cannot enter them. It is plain that nothing can be added to the mind already full. There is no door through which evil can enter, and no space for evil to fill in a mind filled with goodness.”

And in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, Eddy writes: “Stand porter at the door of thought. Admitting only such conclusions as you wish realized in bodily results, you will control yourself harmoniously. When the condition is present which you say induces disease, whether it be air, exercise, heredity, contagion, or accident, then perform your office as porter, and shut out these unhealthy thoughts and fears.”

So that’s what I’m going to do here. I’m going to rouse myself – wake myself up from this mortal dream – and be the child Love made me to be.

Take that, death!

love-is-with-you

 

A Box With My Name on It

“In Science, individual good derived from God, the infinite All-in-all, may flow from the departed to mortals…”
– Mary Baker Eddy

The last two years – as Dad and Moz downsized from the three-story homestead to the apartment to the assisted living place – and now to Dad’s new residence – my brothers and I have been storing what we can in our own domiciles. I don’t think any of us have really had much time to go through the things we’ve brought into our own homes. Today I tried to sort through a few more things. I came upon an old wooden sewing kit of Moz’s and opened it up to see what she had in there before I decided what to do with it. And sitting on the top of one compartment was a little box with my name written on it in Moz’s handwriting – she’d drawn a heart next to my name. Just seeing her handwriting – seeing she’d set aside something for me – oh man. That really touched me and I started tearing up. I opened up the little box and there were all these pieces of jewelry – nothing terribly expensive, but things that were very sweet – butterfly earrings and cat earrings and a ring with the birthstones of my brothers and me. I started sobbing. Over cheap jewelry. And a box with my name on it. And I felt a rush of love all around me, and I thanked Moz for thinking of me.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

box from Moz

Not Distance Nor Time Nor Death

I heard the news today and thought how unfair life is –
and, for a moment, I didn’t want to be part of it, anymore.
And then, in the next moment, I was filled with gratitude
for life – gratitude that I’ve been given the opportunity
to know you here – to experience your beauty and
kindness and love. Nothing can take you from us –
not distance nor time nor death. Your love will live on.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

poem for Rachael

 

New Book!

New book on the market! The Brush of Angel Wings is a collection of poetry that shares my thoughts on the passing of my mother, the changing political scene, and the nature of unchanging, eternal Love.

Here’s the opening poem from the book…:

Two Earthworms

I came upon two earthworms on the sidewalk today –
their noses suspended in the air, frozen by the heat
of the sun – dried out and stiff
and I reached down and plucked up the first
and carried him to the dirt.
I dug a little hole for him and covered him
with earth – a grave to brings him back to life.
Gently I used my fingers as tweezers and pulled
the second worm from the sidewalk
and lifted him to the moist soil, laid him down,
and covered him with a wet leaf.
Fare thee well, my new friends –
May you revive and spend the rest of your days
happily leaving a trail of rich earth in your wake.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

The_Brush_of_Angel_W_Cover_for_Kindle

Pretending Death

I lay in bed, pretending to be dead,
not playing dead, but imagining dead.
Eyes closed. Breathing stopped. Mind blank.
Body stilled.
Is this what it feels like? I wondered.
And I wasn’t being melancholy
or morose or macabre.
I wasn’t wishing myself dead
I was just curious.
Is death just an eternal nothing?
And if it is, I reasoned, then
our time here is so short – so much to do,
so many to love, and so little time.
And the idea of that – so little time
to love – made no sense
to me.  How could Love ever end?
And I opened my eyes. Took a deep breath.
Got back to living.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

The Brush of Angel Wings

The end was like the beginning –
the oxygen machine breathing,
making the sound of the womb,
a soothing rhythm in the room
as she slept on the bed next to me.
All is quiet, but for the pumping
of O through her mask. In my dreams
I feel the light brush of angel wings
and fear is replaced by freedom
and limitless joy that comes,
through an opened heavenly portal.
I open my eyes to see the battle
over and done. She has won.
I rise and stand on holy ground.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

“Angels are not etherealized human beings, evolving animal qualities in their wings; but they are celestial visitants, flying on spiritual, not material, pinions. Angels are pure thoughts from God, winged with Truth and Love… ”
– Mary Baker Eddy