the instinct is to fold in on myself
hide away in a dark corner somewhere
away from the cacophony and the bells
and whistles – in a quiet padded lair
away from worry, stress, and care
just close the door to my closet
and pray a silent prayer
hoping to feel hope again
hoping to find stillness in the din
to find a place where we can all win
and find peace
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
Yesterday – before I knew – I felt
this sudden deep sense of loss.
It was like a shadow passed over me
and I felt cold.
And scared.
And I found myself reaching out
in my thoughts to the power
and presence of Love
that I’ve come to trust
is always there for me –
even in the darkest times.
I asked a question
that seemed odd and weirdly
morose at the time:
“Will you be there for me at the end?
Will you help me through?”
The answer was immediate –
I felt enveloped in this warm
blanket of love. “Yes. Always. Trust.”
I’m going to hang onto that –
through the cries of “Civil War!”
made by the brainwashed and misguided;
through the shrieks of “More guns!
More guns is the answer!”
by the terrified and confused;
through the schemes and screams
of the financially entitled
and politically powerful,
of the bigots, busybodies, and bullies.
“Trust. Love wins. Always.”
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
I had this moment of clarity today –
everything stilled within me
and I realized
I didn’t have to be
anywhere else
or be doing
anything else
or be
anyone else
or wait for
any other time –
I had everything I needed
to be happy
right there,
right then,
in that moment.
Whoah.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell.
“I’m scared,” she said as she looked at the stars.
“I’m scared of the war and the meanness, and the bigotry
and the hate.
Good seems so far
and it seems too late.”
“But, child, I’ve never left you I’ve always been here,”
came a voice to her thoughts, strong and clear.
“You can’t lose Love – can’t lose what is real.
You’re safe in this moment – just let yourself feel
the Good all around you – precious and dear.”
And she let herself feel the Good with her then –
brought her thoughts close to ever-where, ever-when.
The Good hadn’t left her. Love was still there –
wrapping gentle arms around her in the still evening air.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
A thank you to all my friends who’ve gotten me into the wordle word craze. What would my life be without you?
Thanks to all of you
I now close my eyes to sleep
and see wordle words
rolling behind my eyelids
instead of counting sheep
I wake in the middle of the night
with wordle words in my head –
“sight, tight, write, fight,
light, might, right” – is “shite”
a wordle word? I ask as I lie in bed.
One of you mentioned “octordle” last week
and I felt myself getting ascared –
What next? I asked myself in a panic –
will there be Spanish wordles and French ones?
Oh, merde.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
(Originally published in Humoristianity.wordpress.com)
I wake with a sense of Love
surrounding me –
a palpable presence, lifting
me from my bed –
leading me to a place of peace
and joy.
Always with me. Always here.
Protecting, guiding Be-ing.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
“The lightnings and thunderbolts of error may burst and flash till the cloud is cleared and the tumult dies away in the distance. Then the raindrops of divinity refresh the earth. As St. Paul says, ‘There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God’ (of Spirit).”
-Mary Baker Eddy, S and H, p 288
Spring has always meant renewal for me – a time of new growth and baby things and the smell of blossoms. But I found myself feeling this deep sense of loss today as I drove the backroads to take one last look at the tulip fields.
I remembered driving around with my centenarian dad in the car just a few years ago – sharing the sights of Skagit County with him. I remembered chauffering Mom around to her appointments – and I remembered that day when she was trying to remember all the birds she’d seen so she could tell her friends about them: “Trumpeter swans and snow geese and herons.” I remembered the swans that were in that field at the beginning of April, spreading their wings for me. And I remembered the waves of snow geese that were here just weeks ago.
And now the tulips are topped, and the swans and snow geese have started their journey back north, and Moz and Dad are no longer here with me in their human bodies. And for a time today I felt this deep ache when I thought about the loss of all these beautiful forms.
Of course, the essence of all these things – the tulips and the swans and the snow geese, and Mom and Dad – is still with me. And I’m going to consciously wrap myself up in the love and joy and beauty and rejoice. But sometimes… sometimes there’s an ache.
topped tulips stand stark
trumpeter swans are gone now
April brings mourning
All That Is Gone
tulip petals in the lawn
no more trumpeter swans
my parents have moved on
spring is supposed
to be the dawn
of seasons, new growth,
lambs and fawns,
but today I’m remembering
all that is gone
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
“…our disappointments and ceaseless woes, turn us like tired children to the arms of divine Love.”
– Mary Baker Eddy
(The audio podcast for this can be found at this link.)
Our salvation is bigger than what we could wish,
and not dependent on what we “accomplish.”
It’s bigger than what our little egos can give –
bigger than how we “die” or how we “live”
or how many letters come after our names –
salvation doesn’t come from awards or fame.
We are saved because we are made for God,
made by Truth, made of Love.
Guilt and shame and blame play no part
in our at-one-ment with the divine Heart.
I need to stop thinking so small.
I need to know myself as in the All-in-All.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
“Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace…”
– II Timothy 1
Praying for my “enemies” is praying to be healed.
Recognizing the God-child in those who would harm me
is my own salvation, protection, and shield.
To see all of God’s children as She sees them –
innocent and good –
lifts a heavy burden of fear from my shoulders
and gives me freedom to love beyond borders.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
-II Timothy 1
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father-Mother in heaven. She causes her sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father-Mother is perfect.”
-Matthew 5:43-48
Earth
green brown
parks towns
river ocean trees field
prays world heals
cedar pines aspen alder birch
spring water = earth juice
snowy sunny rainy magic
windy fiery fires smoke
roots trunk cloud
fumes noise crowd
dried woods
polar melts
brace storm fears
earth cries tears
prism cloud after
child laugh
rouge boots splash
seize trash
hikes trail
climb
plays
hopes
birth
human being
Mamma Earth
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
(All photos by Karen Molenaar Terrell.)
Adventures of the Madcap Christian Scientist 