Wedding Day

March 31, 1984.

You know those shows you see on television where the bride spends HUGE amounts of time, thought, and bucks choosing the just right ring, dress, caterer, flowers, music, photographer, and reception venue for her “big day” – those shows where every minute detail of the wedding production is analyzed, critiqued, and judged for its merits on visual perfection? Where the ceremony is somber and refined and the highlight of the whole shebang is the dress the bride wears?

Yeah. That wasn’t us.

My engagement ring was a little garnet ring I picked out from a small jewelry shop in Pike Place Market in Seattle, and the man who sold it to us was cheerfully, flamboyantly, hilariously gay – he had us cracking up the minute we walked into his shop. My wedding dress was the first dress I tried on from the sales rack at our local Bon Marche. Cost me $120. Our minister was a hoot – we’d met with him for a required counseling session, and when he told us that anything he had to say to us would be pretty much useless at this point – because it’s really only AFTER the wedding that the bride and groom realize what they’ve gotten themselves into (we later learned that he’d just recently been divorced), we immediately recognized the man had a sense of humor, and he was, for sure, the minister we wanted officiating our nuptials.

The wedding was a joyful, light-hearted affair in a small Methodist church in Gig Harbor – I remember the minister asking us if we really wanted to hold the service in his church – it was very small – could maybe hold 100 people – and very old (it’s since been torn down and a larger church built in a different location) – but, for our purposes, that little church was perfect – I liked the cozy smallness of it and the stained glass windows – and from the church’s steps we could look out across the water and see Mount Rainier rising above the hills in the distance. The wedding itself was simple, joyful, and natural. We weren’t too concerned with “perfection” – we just wanted our guests to feel comfortable and loved.

The reception was held in my parents’ backyard – with the sound of laughter, and the smell of daffodils and plum blossoms, filling the air. And we played volleyball in the pasture – the groom’s team won, but it was a close game. The minister came to the reception, and fit right in with our hooligan families and friends. Before he left he told us that sometimes he’s really worried about the future of the newlyweds he marries – they often seem more concerned about the wedding than the actual marriage – but, after watching us yukking it up with our families and friends, he felt good about being a part of our ceremony. He knew we were going to be alright. We knew how to laugh.

***

When I think about that day, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to deny other people the right to a wedding, and to a life-long commitment in marriage with the partner they love. I can’t understand why any couple would feel their own marriage is threatened by allowing others the same rights that they have. I feel a real yearning for other folks who love one another, and are brave enough to make a commitment to each other, to be allowed to have what my husband and I were allowed to have.

Our wedding in 1984. Photo by Bob Harbison.

Thoughts on Humorship

I do, of course, know everything. Mostly. Now and then. I mean… well… even a clock, right? And I AM the co-founder of Humoristianity. Which. That certainly (possibly?) gives me some expertise (okay, not really) on the art of humorship. So, as a possible maybe expert on humor, here are my thoughts about the art of comedy:

My favorite comedians are the ones who can laugh at THEMSELVES. I love people who don’t take themselves too seriously – comedians who recognize their OWN flaws and make fun of their OWN nonsense. (Lucille Ball was a great example of this.)

I also have respect for those comedians who aren’t afraid to laugh at the powerful and the corrupt – who aren’t afraid to use their art to battle injustice and inequity and bigotry – I might even consider those comedians to be heroes. (Charlie Chaplin in “The Great Dictator” is a great example of this.)

But the “comedians” who make fun of people with disabilities or medical conditions, or who make fun of people because of their age or gender or race – who make fun of other people because of their physical appearance – those comedians are bullies, not heroes, and I don’t find them particularly funny.

In my highly (questionable) expert opinion, cruelty is not funny. My first lesson to those wanting to be funny is to laugh at yourself before you laugh at anyone else. Laugh at your biggest enemy – your own ego.

Karen

Groucho Karen

Together on This Beautiful, Fragile Planet

I had such high hopes for our world. I thought that once we’d made it through the pandemic together we’d all come out of it kinder, wiser, more noble. I thought we’d look at one another with new eyes – recognize the miracle of just being alive together on this beautiful, fragile planet.

NASA photo of Mother Earth.

Symbols for the Times

Symbols for the times –
BLM posters in windows
and fingers in the peace sign,
banners of rainbows
and cars in a COVID-testing line.
Sunflowers and masks,
and knitted pink hats,
Taking a knee,
and piles of requests
to save the bees,
Fans waving flags of yellow and blue.
A world in labor,
birthing a world that’s new.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Rainbow Over Padilla Bay. Photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell.










This Is What I Hope

I want to know if the mother in labor, killed
in the Ukraine, is holding her new baby close
wherever she is now,
and rejoicing in Life never-ending.
This is what I hope for her.

I want to know if the young Russian conscript –
who texted his mother just before he was killed
in a war he wasn’t expecting –
is hugged safe in the arms of Mother-Love.
This is what I hope for him.

I want to know if the man who started this war
will wake up someday on the other side of this life
and meet the mother and her baby and the conscript
face-to-face and see what he has done and feel
the pain of loss they felt in their last moments on earth,
and feel shame.
This is what I hope for him.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

World in Mourning

A world in mourning.
Weeping in the dark of night.
Praying for the light.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

My Mother-Heart Breaks

My mother-heart breaks today.
Stop!
Stop sending our world’s children
into wars they don’t want.
Their lives are worth more than that.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Joan Baez singing “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?”

“Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring thy seed from the east, and gather thee from the west; I will say to the north, Give up; and to the south, Keep not back: bring my sons from far, and my daughters from the ends of the earth… the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places…”
-Isaiah 43

“The cement of a higher humanity will unite all interests in the one divinity.”
-Mary Baker Eddy

“Universal Love is the divine way in Christian Science.”
-Mary Baker Eddy

I Believe Again

I felt a spark of hope inside me
– a moment when I remembered
what it was like before the invasion
before the insurrection
before the division in our nation
and our world –
a distant memory of good will
and peace.

And remembering, I believe again.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell





May We All Bring Some Light to Our World

My dear Humoristian hooligans –
Let’s have a good day today. Let’s find something to laugh about. Let’s find a way to be kind. Let’s find some small victory in today. May we all help bring some light to our world.
Karen

Let all that now divides us
Remove and pass away,
Like shadows of the morning
Before the blaze of day.
Let all that now unites us
More sweet and lasting prove,
A closer bond of union,
In a blest land of love.
– Jane Borthwick, Hymn #196 in the Christian Science Hymnal

NASA, our home planet

“Unarmed Truth and Unconditional Love”

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Years ago, when I was a teenager maybe, I remember seeing a Star Trek episode that showed a man who was half-black and half-white in a struggle with another man who was half-black and half-white – they were enemies because of their color – and I remember looking at them, thinking, “But… they’re BOTH half-black and half-white… what’s the issue here?” And at the end of the episode we finally see that the reason they’re enemies is because one of them is white on the right side of his body, and the other is white on the left side of his body, and… yeah… I remember thinking how absolutely ridiculous it all was for them to hate each other just because they were colored differently on different sides. But it is, of course, no more ridiculous than hating someone just because they’re all ONE color, and that color is different than ours.

The summer after I graduated from high school – which was about ten years after the Watts Riots –  I traveled with my dad to California. Dad had grown up in Los Angeles, and he wanted to revisit his old neighborhood and see his childhood home once again. As we drove the streets to his old home, I noticed that we were the only white faces in a several-mile radius.

Dad pulled up in front of a little house, and his face lit up – “This was my home!” he said, getting out of the car. I followed him to the front door, where an African-American woman wearing a house-dress and a really surprised look on her face, appeared. Dad explained that he’d grown up in this house and asked if he could come in and take a look around and go out into the backyard where he’d played as a child. The woman smiled graciously and opened her door for us and allowed us into her home. I followed Dad through the house and out into the backyard where there was still the avocado tree he remembered from his childhood. He looked around, said it seemed smaller than he’d remembered it, and started talking about the happy years he’d spent in this yard as a child. Then he went back through the house, shook the woman’s hand, and thanked her for letting him re-visit his old home. Still looking kind of surprised to find these friendly White people traipsing through her house, she smiled back at dad, and told him he was welcome and it was no problem at all.

A block or so later Dad pulled into a gas station to fill the tank up, and a Black attendant came out to help us (this was in the days before people filled up their own cars with gas). He had that same surprised look on his face as the woman in Dad’s old house. He smiled, and filled up our tank for us, and, as we were ready to leave, said in a friendly way, a big smile on his face, “Come back again!”

Every time I think of this trip through that neighborhood in Los Angeles I start grinning. I’m pretty sure we were the only White people in years who’d come nonchalantly driving through that section of Los Angeles. I remember the surprised hospitality of the gas station attendant and the woman living in Dad’s old house, and it fills me up with a kind of joy. I remember my dad – totally oblivious to the fact that he was in a part of Los Angeles that most White people might find threatening – happily traveling down “Memory Lane,” shaking hands with the woman in his old house, greeting the gas station attendant with an open, natural smile – and it makes me really proud to be his daughter.

I am, likewise, proud to be my mother’s daughter. When I was a little girl – maybe eight or so – Mom took my little brothers and me shopping at the local mall. As we were looking at clothes a young African-American family walked by, also shopping. A large middle-aged White man standing near us turned to Mom and said something like, “Those people should stay in their own part of town.” My mom looked up at him, puzzled – she didn’t know what he was talking about at first. He pointed to the African-American family and repeated what he’d said. When my mom finally understood what he was talking about her face turned red with indignation. She looked up at him from her height of 5’2″ and, her voice shaking with emotion, said, “That family has as much right to be here as you or me! We are all God’s children!” The White man realized then that he’d picked the wrong person to share his racism with, and sort of stepped back and disappeared from the store.

I’m really grateful to have been raised by parents for whom  the color of people’s skin was a  non-issue, and kindness towards everyone was considered natural and normal.

Thou to whose power our hope we give,
Free us from human strife.
Fed by Thy love divine we live,
For Love alone is Life;
And life most sweet, as heart to heart
speaks kindly when we meet and part.
– Mary Baker Eddy

“The time is always right to do what is right.” 
– Martin Luther King, Jr. 

(Originally published in 2017.)