I Came Back Restored

My trip to visit my son, his wife, and my granddaughter only lasted three days, but I was living in a whole ‘nother world inside of those three days. I came back restored.

Because I wanted to travel light and didn’t want to have to worry about carry-on baggage or trying to get all my electronics out of my backpack when I went through security, I didn’t bring my laptop or ebook. I didn’t listen to news, didn’t watch television, and, other than posting some quick pics from my cellphone, I pretty much stayed off of social media.

It was AWESOME!

The son and his family live in Venice, California, and we took long walks together over the canals and down to the beach, past vibrant murals and artsy boutiques. My granddaughter, little Linh, pointed out a white egret stepping along the edge of the canal and we enjoyed watching him as he foraged for lunch. And then Rigby the pup came up to us with a big smile and a wagging tail for a pet on the head.

We walked to the Erewhon Market and were greeted with a friendly smile at the door by Russ, who told me that the market has a lot of people named Russ there. “It’s like a Russ magnet,” I said. And he laughed and agreed.

On my last morning in Venice, Christina and Linh brought me with them to the Linnie Canal Park for a music program for toddlers. The four young women who led the program sang with the children, brought out instruments for them to play, and led them in fun dances. Music and dance and toddlers laughing together! That, my friends, is healing.

My son drove me to the airport, parked, and walked me in. I saw a couple of security guards standing at the bottom of an escalator and asked them where I needed to go. They smiled at me, and one of them asked me if I had any baggage to check (nope!) and asked to see my boarding pass on my phone. Then he told me I could just go right up the escalator, turn right, and get in the general security check line. I told him I knew there’d be people to help me at the airport, and thanked him. I asked him his name and he said “Alex” and then he asked me my name and I said, “Karen, of course.” He started laughing, and wished me a good flight.

My son and I hugged good bye at the bottom of the escalator and I made my way to the security line. I watched to see what the people ahead of me were doing as they got to the security conveyer belt. I took two bins and, trying to look like a I fly on planes every week, sorted my backpack and purse and jacket in the bins. I turned to the man behind me and asked, “Do I look like I know what I’m doing?” and he grinned and said I did. “I’m just copying all the people in front of me,” I confessed, and he laughed and said that’s what we ALL were doing.

When I got up to the security lady – a woman of about my age who’d been using a curt voice with the people in front of me – I pointed to my bins and asked her, “How’d I do?” She put her curt voice aside and smiled and told me it looked like I’d done a good job.

I was feeling hungry and went in search of food. I stopped at the Wahoo’s to order a quesadilla. The woman in front of me in line must have thought she was taking longer than she should because she turned around and apologized. Including the cashier, I said, “No! You’re both doing a great job!” And they smiled at me.

I ordered my quesadilla and waited near the pick-up counter. The cashier called out the number of the woman who’d been ahead of me, but I could tell she hadn’t heard it, so I yelled, “Forty-seven!” – which she heard. The cashier thanked me for yelling out her number, and I grinned and told him I was using my teacher voice.

When I boarded the plane I found there was an empty seat between my window seat and the man sitting in the aisle seat. I asked him, hopefully, if the middle seat had been empty when he’d reserved his seat, and he made a sad face and said no. “Dang,” I said, “Well, maybe it will end up being someone really lovely.”

Our seat partner soon joined us, and we all settled in for our flight. As our plane rolled down the runway, I could see a beautiful sunset blossoming on the horizon. I tried to take a picture, but then our plane turned and… I looked at the young man sitting in the middle seat and said, “The sunset’s amazing, but…”

He smiled in understanding, and finished my sentence for me, “It’s on the wrong side of the plane.”

Soon Eelco and I had introduced ourselves to each other and were in conversation. I learned he’s Dutch – so I, of course, told him my dad’s family had come from de Nederlands, and told him my maiden name was “Molenaar” – which he recognized as totally Dutch. We talked about skiing – he was going to visit a Dutch cousin in Montana to go skiing – and I told him my dad had been, among other things, a ski instructor. Then we talked about traveling – because if you’re a Dutch downhill skier you’re going to need to leave your country to do that. And we talked about languages, jobs, education, family (ahem, I might have mentioned Dad is in Wikipedia for mountaineering), traveling, adventures. I learned he was the same age as my son and we talked about how different the world was when I was born compared to when he and my son were born.

I dozed off for a bit then, and woke to find we were close to landing.

This is when the man on the other side of Eelco told him that I’d been hoping the middle seat would be open. “But,” I added, “I did say that maybe we’d get a lovely person in the middle.” And Brett, the man in the aisle seat, nodded in agreement that I had indeed said that. Now Eelco and Brett got in conversation and learned that they’d both been vendors at the Natural Products Expo West this week! Brett had been there to vend the cardboard containers his company sells; and Eelco had been there to show the glass containers his company sells. They might have even passed each other while they were there!

It is a small world, my friends.

My husband had parked the car and was waiting for me in the baggage claim area. It was so good to see him again! I had all kinds of stories I wanted to share with him about our grandbaby’s hugs, and the people I met on my trip, and the things I saw.

We live in a beautiful world full of new friends just waiting to be met, of laughing toddlers, and people who want to help us on our journeys.

I’m going to hang on to that as I move into the future.

There Was Another Time When I Was Terrified

There was another time – almost exactly eight years ago now – when I was terrified and felt like I was facing challenges impossible to overcome. Both my parents were in the hospital – Mom on one floor, Dad on the floor above her. I’d just learned that Mom was not going to be allowed to return to her retirement community apartment because they couldn’t provide the medical care she’d need. I had made calls to assisted living places and to offices that provided in-home nursing care and learned that the cost of my mom’s care – combined with care for Dad – would cost $8000 or more a month. Their savings might buy them a couple months, but then I might need to get into my own retirement savings to care for them.

And beyond the money terror, I was feeling a deep grief. Mom was dying. My sweet mama was dying. No one would ever love me like Mom loved me, or know me as she had known me. I remember sobbing with hopelessness.

I talked with my husband about our options, and he supported me in my decision to have Mom brought to our home. He agreed to help me care for her. The social workers at the hospital were concerned for me – they kept asking me if this is what I really wanted to do, and I said yes. I didn’t know how we were going to do this – my husband and I were both working full-time then, and I wasn’t sure when we were going to actually be able to sleep. But I knew it was the right thing to do. I felt Love leading me to make this decision for Mom.

Mom was brought by ambulance to my home on President’s Day eight years ago. A hospice nurse from Hospice Northwest came to show Scott and me how to care for Mom. We weren’t sure how long we’d have with her – I think we were told she wasn’t expected to live more than six months – but… I picked up on the signs from the hospice nurse as she examined Mom that we probably didn’t have that long.

Mom and I spent the whole afternoon telling each other how much we loved each other. Mom – who’d always been one of the bravest people I’d ever known – was scared. I can’t remember any other time when I’d seen her scared. She asked me, “What happens when I die? Will I see you again?” And I told her that nothing could separate us from the love we have for each other. Love doesn’t die. I assured her we’d meet again. She nodded her head and seemed to accept my words as the truth. Later, as it got hard for her to speak, I asked her one more time if she loved me – I was greedy. And she looked at me with such intensity – her eyes on mine filled with love – and nodded her head. I will never forget that look in her eyes. I carry it with me still, and it reassures me.

That night I slept on the couch by her hospital bed. I had this beautiful dream full of butterflies and green fields and felt this sense of joy and peace and love brush by me. When I woke from this dream I realized Mom wasn’t struggling to breathe and I thought, “Oh, she’s okay. I don’t need to give her any medication right now.” And I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, and then I realized… I got out of bed and felt my mama, and she was cool. I went upstairs to tell Scott I thought she had passed, but I wasn’t sure. Scott came downstairs and felt her pulse, and said, “Moz is gone, Sweetie.”

The hospice nurse came and walked us through what we needed to do. I’ll always be grateful for our hospice nurses.

But now my thoughts turned to Dad – he was soon to be released from the hospital and I still didn’t know how we were going to give him the care he needed. He was 98 then and suffering from a kind of dementia – and I didn’t feel equipped with the skills to help him. I prayed. I prayed desperate prayers, and I went for a walk to try to find some peace. As I was walking, a rainbow suddenly arched over the field I was passing, and I felt Mom with me.

The social workers at the hospital asked me if I’d ever looked into adult family homes, and gave me a pamphlet with phone numbers. On the second call I felt I’d found the right place for Dad and when my brother and I stopped by to check it out we saw bird feeders and dogs and cats – and we knew Mom would have loved the woman who answered the door. Again, I felt Mom’s presence with us. We’d found the right place for Dad – and within his budget, too!

I learned something from that experience. The answers are always there – even when things seem impossible. I hadn’t know that adult family home even existed the day before – and now here it was! Just waiting for Dad! Love had this place waiting for him!

Dad lived another three years and the people in his adult family home became like family to us. They are still very dear to me.

And I still feel Mom and Dad with me. We’ve never been separated. Nothing can separate us from Love. We’re connected by Love, forever and ever. Amen.

Ramblings on the Anniversary of Dad’s Death

Ramblings on the anniversary of Dad’s death:

It’s been five and eight now –
five years since Dad
and eight years since Mom.
And I’m still here,
still moving along,
surviving without them near
to guide and advise and bolster.

And, for me, this seems remarkable
because I’m really still just a little kid
in spite of my gray hair,
and being a wife and a mom
and a grandma myself,
and a many-yeared career.
It amazes me that
I’ve made it this far
without Mom and Dad to guide me.

But they gave me tools
to survive without them –
Dad brought me into the mountains
and showed me how strong I am
and how brave.
Mom showed me how to use Love
to heal myself and the world.
And they both showed me
how to laugh when life gets absurd.
I’m so grateful to them
for these tools – these gifts.

Today when I think about them
and feel their love for me,
I will recognize my tears
for what they really are –
tears of gratitude;
tears of recognition
of Life that never ends.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

There’s Still So Much to Celebrate

It hit me today as I was
hanging another ornament on the tree –
a gift from east coast family –
that no matter how many ornaments I hang
I’m never going to have
my whole family together again
in the person, on this planet.
Parents have passed now; Loved ones scattered.
And somehow facing this reality
and accepting it –
helped give me perspective on what matters.
I’d been raising the bar too high for Christmas –
making my joy dependent on what can’t be –
instead of being grateful for all the good that IS –
for all the good that’s mine here and now.
There’s still so much to celebrate –
and nothing can separate
me from the love of Love Itself.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Mom Would Have Been 97 Today

Colleen was born the youngest of ten children to Christian and Ida (Miller) Haag on December 26, 1927 in Pasco, Washington.

She graduated from Pasco High School in 1945 and went on to attend the University of Idaho (where she ran on the track team), the College of Puget Sound (UPS), and the University of Montana, where she earned her degree in musical performance in 1951.

During the summers between college she worked in the souvenir shop at Mount Rainier National Park, where she met her husband, Dee, who was a park ranger there.

Colleen “Mozzy” Molenaar was a treasure. She was fun and feisty and had a wonderful self-deprecating sense of humor. She taught her children that God is Love, and taught them to look for the good in people.

She was a gifted singer and had once been accepted into the Portland Opera Company, but decided, instead, to marry Dee and move to Colorado to begin a life with him.

In her younger years she spent much of her time in the mountains with Dee, hiking and climbing (she climbed to the summit of Mount Rainier twice!).

In her later years she enjoyed crossword puzzles, reading (her tastes were eclectic), caring for her animals (goats, llamas, and cats) at the family home in Port Orchard, keeping her bird feeders filled, watching Carl Sagan talk about the cosmos, and spending time with her children and grand-children.

In 2016 she and Dee moved to LaConner to be closer to her daughter.

She passed away peacefully in her sleep at her daughter’s home in Bow, Washington, on February 21, 2017.

Mozzy is survived by her husband of 62 years, Dee; her daughter, Karen, and son-in-law, Scott Terrell; her son, Peter, and his partner Sheila (Lindula) of Hoodsport; son David Molenaar of Olympia; and grandchildren, Andrew and Alexander Terrell (both of Bellingham), Claire Molenaar (Denver, Colorado) and Casey Molenaar (Olympia), and numerous nephews, nieces, and friends.

She was preceded in death by her parents and nine siblings.

Colleen’s family is grateful for the wonderful people at hospice who helped her through this transition. Special thanks to hospice nurse, Renee.

Thoughts from Moz’s grandson, Casey: I have never seen such an amazing soul, one that the world has had the great misfortune to lose today. No matter the situation, she ONLY gave out love and nothing but and she has been a huge part of my understanding of love and has instilled its importance in me. I believe that the thing I heard from her the most was “God is love” — and that statement, in the entirety of its meaning, looms inside me and will continue to for the rest of my life.

I am thankful to have had such a giving and goofy woman in my life…There aren’t enough words to describe this wonderful lady. I will miss her very much, as will I’m sure every single person who has had the pleasure of meeting her. And truth be told, as I reflect, I am happy; I was fortunate enough to know her and call her a big part of my family.

Thank you for teaching me that love is EVERYTHING.

Link to Mom singing Mamma Mia.

Love Without Distance

I wake early on Christmas morn
and come downstairs to plug in the lights.
I feel the loss of those who aren’t near
this year –
I feel the holes in my sphere
and I feel grief here.

And then Love is talking to me,
gently nudging my shoulder,
embracing me and letting me know
I am not alone.

I feel my dear ones gathering around me –
those who have passed on,
and those still on this plane of existence –
I feel their love without distance –
they’re with me still.
I reach out and hug them back.
There are no holes here.
My heart is filled.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Christmas Lights

Next Year This Christmas Will Be the New Past

Every Christmas is different
from the last,
and brings its own gifts,
and a new past.

Mom and Dad are no longer here,
but their sweaters hang
from the back of our chairs,
and I feel Mom’s smile on me,
and Dad’s grin,
and sometimes I feel a nostalgic
yearning to go back to what’s been.

The sons are all grown up now
with homes of their own.
But I remember their childhood excitement
when they’d wake on Christmas morn –
running downstairs to see what Santa
brought them during the night
and put under the Christmas tree’s lights.

And there’s a sad sweetness
to the remembering.

Next year this Christmas
will be the new past.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

A California Weekend

Scott and I flew to California last weekend to see our son Andrew, and daughter-in-law Christina, and our little granddaughter, and to visit other relatives who live near to them. It was a wonderful stay in every single way.

But, my friends, going into it, I had a lot of fear about it all. Would I get sick before we left and not be able to fly out? Would I get sick when I was down there and not be able to fly home? Would I lose my hearing aids? Would I lose my contact lens? Would I lose my passport? My cellphone? Would the plane lose a window mid-flight and would I get sucked through it kiester-first and get stuck in it? Would the grandbaby recognize me?

Fears like that.

Fittingly, the Christian Science Bible Lesson sermon for Sunday was “God the Preserver of Man” and was full of verses like these: “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” (Psalms 27). “The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works…The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth.” (Psalms 145).”The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.” (Psalms 121). “Fear thou not; for I am with thee…” (Isaiah 41).

I leaned into those passages and felt Love wrapping me up in Her arms and giving me a big hug. Love never changes, never ends, never abandons us. Love loves us even when we’re being ridiculous.

The four days of our trip flew by. Here are the highlights…

The Singing Shuttle Bus Driver

Jose, our shuttlebus driver from the parking lot to SeaTac Airport was so cool! He’s from Nicaragua and was singing a song from Ecuador. Jose said we’re all on this planet to help one another, and I said, “We’re all in this together!” He grinned and nodded his head and sang us his songs. What a great way to start the day. Here’s a youtube link to the performance he gave us that morning: https://youtu.be/ujz8FGhDqvI

The Flight Out

The flight out was a little rocky – there were a couple of big bumps that would have sent us flying out of our seats if we hadn’t been buckled in – but everyone was so matter-of-fact about it all. The man across the aisle from me was calmly eating his snacks, and watching a movie on his cellphone as our plane tossed and bucked. I thanked him for that, and he smiled back at me – completely at ease with our wild ride.

When we landed we found our rental car and let Mrs. Google direct us to Andrew and Christina’s place. I hurried ahead of Scott – eager to see our granddaughter. I peeked around the curtain and into the living room, and there she was! She looked up and saw me and her whole face lit up in a grin! She recognized me! Pretty soon she was toddle-running to the door and pretty soon I had her in my arms again. Oh joy! Oh wonder!

Grandbaby Stories

The Pizza Story: I was reading a book to my granddaughter and there was a picture of a pizza piece in it. We’d just had pizza the night before and Grandbaby had bitten into a jalapeno – which she tried to blow out in the same way you’d blow out a candle. “Pfft pfft.” Now, as she saw the illustration of the piece of pizza, she pointed to it and pointed to her mouth and then said, “Pfft pfft.”

The Keys: As I was reading Good night, Gorilla to the grandbaby, I was describing to her what the gorilla was doing in the illustrations, “The gorilla stole the zookeeper’s keys and now he’s letting ALL the animals out of their cages, and look – they’re following the zookeeper back to his home.” Grandbaby pointed to the keys and pointed to the door and turned her little hand like she was opening the door with the keys. Christina told me that our grandbaby has been trying to open the doors with her keys, but it hasn’t worked out for her – she keeps dropping them. Later I joined Andrew for a walk with Grandbaby, and he let her carry his keys. When we got to the gate, he helped her unlock it. She was so proud and pleased with herself!

The Slide: Christina, and I took Granddaughter to the park. I helped Granddaughter climb up to the top of the slide and helped her get situated so she could slide down to her mum. When she got to the bottom she turned around with a big grin on her face, and pointed to me and then to the slide, letting me know she wanted me to go down the slide now. So I did.

A few hours later I was reading a book to her that included a picture of a slide. Grandbaby pointed to the slide and then pointed to me and then pointed back to the slide. She was reminding me that I had gone down the slide, too!

Ears: I read a story that included a bunny. I pointed to the bunny’s ears, and Marilyn pointed to her own ears, and then pointed to my ears and pointed back to the bunny’s ears again. She got up and toddled over to her mum and pointed to her mum’s ears and then to her grandpa to point to his ears. And pretty son Grandpa Scott was teaching her the “Head and shoulders, knees and toes” song.

Cool Bakeries

Andrew and Christina guided us on a walk to the Larchmont neighborhood where there were all kinds of cool shops and bakeries. We made a stop at Erin McKenna’s vegan bakery for some treats, and Danny, the cashier (and a good sport) posed for us behind her counter.

There was also a great little Mexican bakery, K Bakery, right across the street from our motel where we bought smoothies and little fruit-filled turnovers to begin our day. I loved the atmosphere in there – lively Mexican music playing in the background, and paintings by Mexican artists on the wall, and everyone friendly and helpful.

Visit with Our Niece and Her Family

Scott’s sister’s daughter, Kate, and her husband, Tan, live about half an hour from Andrew and Christina. We took advantage of this by paying them a visit on our second day in California. It was so good to see them again, and to enjoy watching our grandbaby playing with Kate and Tan’s little ones. Both Christina and Tan are of Vietnamese heritage and it seemed perfect for Tan to ordered take-out from a nearby Vietnamese restaurant. The food was great; the fellowship with family was dear; and watching the little ones playing together brought me a heart full of grins. It was a perfect visit.

A Trip to the Beach

We spent our last night with my cousin, Laurie, and her husband, Roger, and their son, James. I hadn’t seen Laurie since my dad’s hundredth birthday six years ago and it meant so much to me to be able to connect with her again. Her daughter, Allison, came over with her young daughter and it was good to be able to be able to see them again, too, and get caught up on life.

Laurie brought out some old family photos that she inherited from her mom and some of our aunts, and we went looking through them together, talking about our family history, and sharing memories.

Our last day in California, Cousin Laurie drove Scott and I to the coast and I got to dip my finger in the Pacific.

We met these two very cool fishermen at a local marina. I asked Rafael if I could take his photo, and he had no problems with that. I asked him his name and he said Rafael, and then he asked me mine. “Karen, of course,” I said, grinning. He laughed with me about my name – successfully passing my “Karen Test.”

Philip was relaxing in his chair on the other side of the pier, classic rock playing from his e-bike. He’d overheard me introduce myself to Rafael and, smiling, told me I did that “right.” “You gotta have fun with it, right?” I said, laughing.

Philip told us that he once caught the biggest angel shark ever seen in the harbor – he said it was about five and a half feet long and four feet wide! He took a picture of it before it went back into the water. Philip also told us that we could find him on his youtube channel, “Honey Hole Trackers.” (Here’s the link to that: https://www.youtube.com/@HoneyHoleTrackers )

I asked Philip and Rafael if they were old friends, and they said they’d just met that day. I told them I had a feeling this was the beginning of a long friendship.

A Perfect Good Bye

The day before, when I’d said goodbye to my grandbaby before we headed to Laurie’s, Grandbaby had put her little arms around my neck and clung to me and sobbed, and I’d sobbed, too. I didn’t want our last goodbye before we left California to be a repeat of that. I worried about it. And I prayed.

We took a last walk around the block with Andrew and our granddaughter – posing under the golden autumn leaves of the gingko tree across the street, stopping to touch tree bark and wave to dogs going on walks with their humans. When we were done with our walk we went back inside Andrew and Christina’s home and read books. Andrew started beating on the toy tambourine that had been one of my first gifts to the baby, and then Andrew handed me the tambourine and he began to shake a rattle in time to my beats, and we sang and made a song together. Pretty soon Grandbaby started dancing to our song. Her dance was charming and filled my grandma’s heart.

When Scott started putting on his shoes, Grandbaby brought me my shoes to put on, too. Scott and I gathered our things to leave. Grandbaby reached up for a hug, and I asked her to kiss my cheek (I pointed to it), and then kiss my other cheek, too, and she smiled and put her little face next to me. We hugged Christina and Andrew goodbye, and then I transferred Granddaughter to Andrew and he turned her the other direction, and Scott and I slipped out the door. As we left, we looked up at their window, and Grandbaby was at the window with Andrew and Christina waving goodbye to us and smiling. We waved goodbye back and smiled and blew everyone a kiss. It was a sweet, joyful parting. Perfect!

The Flight Home

Our flight home was at night. Mrs. Google led us through Hollywood – we didn’t even realize we were IN Hollywood until we saw the Hollywood Museum sign. That was cool. There was heavy traffic getting to the airport, but once we got there everything went pretty quickly. There was no one in front of us at the TSA screening desk, and we got through all of that smoothly. We chatted to a delightful fellow passenger named Samantha in the waiting area – Samantha was going home to Seattle to be with her family over the holidays. We boarded our flight, buckled ourselves in, and two and half hours later we were back in the rain of Seattle.

Note: I did not lose my passport, my contact lens, or my hearing aids; I did not get sucked out of the plane; and I did not get sick. Love deposited me gently back in my home after a lovely visit with my family. And here we are.

One of the Best Days Ever

When Xander was in kindergarten I went to teaching half-time for the last part of the school year so that I could be off on the days Xander was off from kindergarten. One of the best days I’ve ever had was the day when Xander and I went to Washington Park on one of our days off and hiked down to Green Point together. We stayed there for a while, just relaxing, and then he turned to me and asked, “Isn’t this nice, Mommy?” I asked him what was nice, and he said, “Just sitting here in the sunshine with you.” And that. Right there. That sweet memory has stayed with me for twenty-five years.

I went back to Washington Park today and walked down to Green Point again. I ran into a little family – father, mother, baby, grandma – and enjoyed watching them spend time together, enjoying each other, and thought of the day I spent there in the sunshine with Xander.

I had the opportunity to talk to the family for a bit. I learned that the little one, Fiona, was just a few months younger than my granddaughter. She was sitting on her daddy’s shoulders – flapping her arms up and down like my granddaughter does when she’s on my shoulders or Scott’s. Then Fiona turned and pointed to me – just as my granddaughter does – and I pointed back. Fiona started grinning, enjoying our game.

I learned this was the first time Fiona’s grandmother had been able to see her and spend time with her, and she was leaving to go back to her home in Pakistan on Wednesday. My grandma’s heart went out to her. I know this feeling.

I thought at first that there were colorful shreds from popped party balloons strewn on the grass at Green Point. Then I realized the colorful shreds were actually rose petals. Rose petals seemed fitting for the day.

Grandbaby Time

she points at me
like a celebrity
on the red carpet
and grins her sweet grin
then toddles to me
and reaches her arms up for me
to lift her onto my hip
we go out to the deck
and sit in the sunshine
and I sing to her an old Beatles ballad:
“Who knows how long I’ve loved you…?”
and she bops her head to the beat
and then rests
her head on my chest
and I melt with the sweetness of it
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

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