Ode to Black Friday

I do not like Black Friday, sir
I do not like the brrr, grrr, whirr
I do not like to fight over socks,
I do not like to get crammed in a box
store,  you will not see me at the Mall
I do not like it, no, not at all.
The crazy, scrambling, hunter’s race
Doesn’t fit my ambling, gatherer’s pace
I like to feel, I like to sniff
I like to take my time and if
I take more time than Sally and Sam
It’s the way I shop, and it works for me, ma’am.
So you will not find me camped outside the store
You will not find me standing at dawn at the door
You will not find me wedged in the mall’s lot
Or crammed in traffic, with wares newly-bought.
For I do not like Black Friday, friend.
Well, except online shopping maybe – they’ll send.

– Karen  Molenaar Terrell (originally published on humoristianity.wordpress.com on 11/21/2012)

In Support of President Obama’s Immigration Executive Order

(originally published January 25, 2014)

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free;
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless,
Tempest-tossed to me
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!
– Emma Lazarus (words on the Statue of Liberty)

The rich in spirit help the poor in one grand brotherhood, all having the same         Principle, or Father; and blessed is that man who seeth his brother’s need and supplieth it, seeking his own in another’s good.
– Mary Baker Eddy, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures

***

Have I ever mentioned that I am the descendant of illegal immigrants? Yup. When my grandfather and his brother immigrated here from The Netherlands they were supposed to each have $20 in their pockets to get into the country. They only had one $20 bill between them – so when they passed through the line at Ellis Island the first one held up the $20 bill and then under-passed it to the one behind him who, in turn, held up the same bill. Those two hooligans should never have been allowed in this country. And, I shouldn’t really be here, either, I guess. Or half of me shouldn’t. Half of me should probably be shipped back to Amsterdam, home of my hooligan grampa.

That might be kind of messy, though. And I’m not sure how, exactly, they’d decide which half of me to send back.

My other half is descended from people who immigrated from a German colony along the Volga River in Russia. And also Basque reptile aliens. I’m pretty sure. (My mom has rh negative blood which – according to highly scientific research I googled 🙂 – seems to indicate she has a Basque reptile alien somewhere in her background. Yeah. As you can imagine, I’m pretty excited about this.)

We are all immigrants in the United States, aren’t we?  I mean, human life did not start here – everyone immigrated from somewhere else.  It’s believed the first immigrants crossed the Bering land bridge from Asia to Alaska and then worked their way down through North and South America. Then came the Vikings, Columbus, the Mayflower, the Dutch, Spanish, and French, Swedes, Norwegians, Germans, slaves from Africa, the Irish and Chinese, the Japanese, immigrants from southern and eastern Europe, refugees from southeast Asia, immigrants from India and the Middle East… and all of these immigrants – with the exception of those who were forced here on slave ships from Africa – have one very important thing in common: They came here in search of a better life.

Are the newest immigrants to our country really so much different than the first immigrants? The newest immigrants, too, are looking for a better life for themselves and their families – looking for work, education, religious and political freedom.

Why would any of us – descendants of immigrants ourselves – want to deny others the same opportunities we and our ancestors had?

Pres. Obama is my hero right now. It would have been awesome if congress could have worked together and taken care of the immigration question for us – but since they couldn’t and wouldn’t – I’m so very glad our president had the courage to do so.

 

T’was Two Weeks Afore Christmas

Opening to The Madcap Christian Scientist’s Christmas Book

T’was Two Weeks Afore Christmas

T’was two weeks afore Christmas and all through Eff Bee
not a creature was stirring – not a she, he, or me
We were prostrate and spent from the holiday bustle
not a twitch could be seen from the teeniest muscle.

We lay all unblinking in our respective beds
while visions of gift-wrapping swirled through our heads
And clad in our jammies and our way cool madcaps
we had the vague hopeful hope our bodies would take naps.

Holiday jangles and jingles pinged through our brains –
Presley, Crosby, and Mathis taking us down memory lanes –
and would we remember every member to be gifted?
We mentally went through our lists, hoping none were omitted

There were homes to be decorated and cards to be sent
parties, caroling, and cookie-making, and we hadn’t made a dent.
But with a collective sigh we remembered there and then
that it’s really about good will to all creatures, women, and men.

And so our thoughts finally settled and our bodies relaxed
as we thought of those we love and a world festooned in pax.
With our hearts wrapped in kindness and the world as our ‘hood
We’re all brethren and sistren – and verily, It’s all good! 🙂

– Karen Molenaar Terrell, excerpt from The Madcap Christian Scientist’s Christmas Book

The_Madcap_Christian_Cover_for_Kindle (6)

Today is going to be a day. I’m pretty sure.

My dear Humoristian Hooligans – It is going to be a day. I’m pretty sure. And may yours be filled with silver linings and lemonade and early worms. Or… pots of gold?… I mean… may all the birds in your life sing trilly songs today, and may they not use the top of your head for target practice, and may your lemons all be turned into rainbows, or… umm… okay… here’s the thing: Today has you in it, so how bad could it be, right?…

today has you in it

Mistakes

Image

mistakes 2

Different Roads

paths to happiness

 

(Just kidding. 🙂  Mostly.)

“I would date myself.”

Image

dating myself

Where Happiness Lives by Xander Terrell

Where Happiness Lives

Golden lights
And the deepest shadows
Smiling faces illuminated by life
A commodity where I come from
An inherent condition here
Where joy runs rampant
Like that one naked man who
In the presence of a police officer
Streaked across the town in the wake
Of the city-wide party
The officer laughing in mutual enjoyment
Before calling the man by his first name
As a friend and a neighbor
To get his shit together

– Xander Terrell, from Where Happiness Lives

(cover art by Xander Terrell)

The Time for Smartassery is Upon Us

My friends, the time for Humor is upon us.  If ever there was a need for laughter it is now. If ever there was a place for courageous irreverence it is here. If ever a world was in need of smartassery, it is our world. Gird your funny bones, armor yourselves with laughter, make powerless bullying, bigotry, and bossybritches  bunkum with your good-natured wit and brave hearts.  Go out there and make ’em laugh!

the time for humor

photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell

I Am My Own Flock

So then he says to her, he says, Oh yeah? Well, your flock is responsible for the Crusades, the Salem Witch Trials, and the Spanish Inquisition. And then she says, she says, Well, YOUR flock has Pol Pot and Stalin in it! And then they both accuse the other one of Hitler, and then they both alls of a sudden notice me sitting there, eating my clam, minding my own business,see? And they wanna know which flock I’m in, and I tells ’em, I tells ’em,all serious-like, I no longer feel the need to defend or explain any one else’s behavior or words, for I am my own flock. And I make sure to roll the “r” in “for”because that’s, like, really classy, right?…

he says she says

photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell