Tag Archives: kindness

Cool! What is that?

Posted on by
8

(Originally published in 2019.)

“The weapons of bigotry, ignorance, envy, fall before an honest heart.” 
– Mary Baker Eddy

I didn’t usually tell people right away – and certainly not the men I dated. I always thought it was better if they got to know me first as a human being. Sometimes it took months for me to tell my friends. Sometimes years. Sometimes the moment never came. I have friends who maybe STILL don’t know. After a number of early experiences, I’d come to the realization that some people would see me differently as soon as they found out. In the past I’d had all kinds of labels attached to me that weren’t really me – I’d been instantly lumped in with fundamentalists and creationists; with people who speak in tongues and handle snakes; with dominionists and faith healers and fire-and-brimstone folks. When one friend – who’d known me for years – finally found out, she’d asked me if I would just leave her bleeding and injured on a sidewalk if she was hit by a car. Which. What…?!

So I guess it says something about Scott that I told him on our first date. I no longer remember how the subject came up, but I found myself saying, “I’m a Christian Scientist.” I guess I half-expected an awkward pause after my reveal, but Scott quickly responded with, “Oh! That’s cool.” Then he glanced over at me, and asked, “What’s that?” 🙂

Turns out he’d never heard of Christian Science! And that was AWESOME – it meant I could explain what it was all about from my own perspective, without any preconceived ideas on his part. I can’t remember now exactly what I said – I probably talked about the Christian Science idea of God as the power and presence of Love; I probably talked about how I had experienced healings in my life by drawing my thoughts close to this power of Love.  And as I talked he listened and nodded and accepted me. He shared some of his own thoughts about God – he’d been raised in the United Methodist tradition of New England and he, too, had been raised to believe in a loving God who cared for His children. He understood the beliefs I was describing, and accepted me as “me” right away.

Scott and I have never had a need to “convert” each other – to try to make each other hold the exact same religious beliefs. If asked, he’d probably still say he was a Methodist. If asked, I’d probably still say I was a Christian Scientist. But beyond religion, we share the same values – we both believe in the power of kindness. We both believe we should be generous to those in need; fair and honest in our dealings with others; and protective of our natural environment. We both believe we shouldn’t be quick to make judgments about others.

It’s been thirty-six years now since I  had that first conversation with Scott. Through all that time he’s continued to be supportive of me and my practice of Christian Science. I am so grateful for him, and for people like him – people who approach others with open minds and hearts – ready to listen and share and learn from each other – people able to go past stereotypes and see the individuals behind the labels.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Fellow Travelers

Posted on by
Reply

podcast link: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/karen-molenaar-terrell/episodes/Fellow-Travelers-e2fol9p

I pass her first in the pet food aisle. Her expression is serious – like she is considering important things – and my expression is probably serious, too. Pet food is serious business. Next I pass her by the milk. I think we smile at each other that time. Then I come upon her in produce – and this time we full-on grin at each other.

I have to choose between two checkout lines and finally settled on lane #3 – behind a fellow boomer wearing a friendly smile and a baseball cap with the name of a golf course emblazoned on it. He grins and quips that any line behind him is going to end up being the slow one – and I assure him that if this line ends up being slow, it’s entirely me to blame. I am a slow-lane magnet. But, I tell him, I am retired, so I’m in no hurry. It’s all good.

Just as he gets to the front of the line, he turns to me and says – his face totally serious – “Oh! I forgot something in the farthest corner of the store! Is it okay if I go back and get it?”

I start laughing. I know what he’s up to. “Go for it!” I say. And he starts laughing, too, then. Then he says he has a good one-liner for me. He says, “What do a flat tire and a bad attitude have in common? They both have to be changed if you want to get anywhere.”

“That’s a good one!” I say.

The cashier rings him up and he turns to me and wishes me a good day before he leaves. He has already given me a good day.

After I pay for my groceries, I go to the in-store Starbucks to get myself a mocha. And, after paying for my mocha, when I turn around to go wait in the pick-up line, who should I see standing behind me but the woman I’ve been running into all over the store? We both start laughing like we’re old friends – and maybe we are by this point – and I say, “I’ve been following you all over this store!” And she nods her head, in happy acknowlegement.

I love meeting fellow travelers.

So Much for Trying to Have a Bad Day

Posted on by
Reply

A truck tailgates me and passes me going more than 60 in a curvy, no-pass 40 mph zone that has small businesses and homes on either side. I get on the freeway and a car zips around me and then pulls in front of me in the slow lane, goes past the car in the fast lane and then cuts in front of the car – so close he almost hits the front fender and the driver of the other car has to tap the brakes.

And I decide to just give up. I decide to have a crappy day. The world, I decide, is full of thoughtless, impatient, selfish people, and I’m suddenly too weary and worn to fight it anymore.

I exit in Mount Vernon and park in front of the CS Reading Room. Go inside and buy some “Quarterlies” and then walk down to the Skagit Valley Food Co-op at the other end of downtown. As I approach the door, this man going into the co-op opens the door wide for me – a big smile on his face – and asks, “Going this way?” I smile back and thank him.

I go to the other end of the store and pluck out some ginger chews from the candy rack. Then I see the Mother Earth News on the magazine rack. I pull it out and turn to the back page – knowing I’ll find one of my photos there. And there it is! I have to share this tiny moment of glory with someone. The cashier in the lane in front of me isn’t working with any customers at the moment and so I say, “Look! Here’s my photo!” And she grins a big grin and says, “No way! You took this picture?!” And we chat for a bit about how to get your pictures in Mother Earth News and I encourage her to submit her photos.

I go to the front of the store to pay for my ginger chews and the woman in front of me says, “You go ahead of me – you’ve just got that one thing.” What a nice thing to do!

I walk down to the Ristretto coffee shop for a mocha. The barista is really cheery and friendly. She asks me my name. And I often use that as an opportunity to make some quip about my name, but this time my pause is genuine. I really do not want to admit my name is “Karen.” But I finally choke it out and both the baristas and the customer next to me smile these kind smiles at me and assure me that my name might be “Karen” – but I am not a “Karen.” I give the barista a 30% tip – she’ll probably never know what she’s given me this morning.

As I’m sipping my mocha and writing this post on my cellphone, a thirty-something man goes up to the counter and starts regaling the baristas with a story that has everyone laughing. I find myself being pulled into his joy. As he leaves with his coffee, he glances over at me and grins – including me in his circle, and I grin back.

I leave Mount Vernon and decide to go to La Conner to pay my broadband bill. On the way I stop at Christianson’s Nursery to, literally, smell the roses. A begonia plant with pink flowers calls to me from its place on a table and I pluck it up and head for the checkout. The checkout man is so fun – his hair keeps falling into his eyes and he keeps blowing it out of his face, and pushing it back with his hands. He laughs and says, “It has a mind of its own.” I tell him I can relate – my own hair is always going rogue on me.

Now I drive into La Conner to pay my Astound bill – I’m hoping that Jolyne will be there – I always enjoy connecting with her every month. She makes me smile.

After I pay my bill and have a nice chat with Jolyne, I head for the La Conner boardwalk for a walk. On my way I come upon a young family enjoying the day together – there’s a boy of about nine, astride the mechanical horse in front of the “curiosities” shop, a young girl, a father, and a mother with gorgeous gold extensions to her black hair, braided down her back. The family is beautiful. They stop at the ice cream shop where there’s a photo stand-in of ice cream cones – it looks like the father wants to take a picture of his family there. I ask him if he’d like me to take a photo of all of them at the stand-in – and he’s happy to let me do that. The family arranges itself around the stand-in and I snap a couple of quick photos and hand the phone back to the father to see if what I took will work. He smiles and says, “We never get photos of all of us together. This is great!”

I’m so happy I got to do that for them.

I continue on my walk – enjoying the reflections in the Swinomish Channel. I wave to the person sitting at the back of a motorboat going past., and get a wave in return. I end up at the Calico Cupboard bakery, of course. This was always my plan. As I’m waiting in line to buy an apple cinnamon roll, I hear a woman talking to the hostess about the friends she hasn’t seen in twenty years, and file that away in my “interesting people” file in my head.

Cinnamon roll successfully purchased, I head for the door and see the woman who was meeting her old friends, talking to another woman – who I assume is one of these friends. Of course, I’ve got to know more. “So you haven’t seen each other in twenty years?” I ask. And the women laugh and explain that they’d met in a Bible study years ago, and one of the women had moved to Arizona and the other woman had moved, too, and this is the first time they’d seen each other in two decades! One of them lives in the Bow area now – where I live! – and I find out that one of her old friends from high school lives just down the street from me!

Isn’t life great?

I pass a man sitting on a bench, and point to my cinnamon roll box. “I bet this thing weighs five pounds,” I say. And he laughs and says, “Yeah, they make ’em big there!”

I pass the apartments where my parents used to live, and wave to the balcony where Mom always waved to me. I smile at the memory.

And then I’m back in my car and headed home with my cinnamon roll.

So much for trying to have a crappy day.

Rose at Christianson’s Nursery.

People I’ve Met on Our Trip to Australia

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve met some really lovely people on our trip.

I always hope I’ll be seated by great people on my airplane trips – and I was especially hoping for that on our 13-hour flight to Auckland – and I hit the jackpot with my seat mate! I sat next to a wonderful young man, originally from Punjab, India, but relocated for the last five years to Auckland for work. He helped show me how to play the Solitaire game on the screen in front of my seat; pushed some buttons to see how the “food and drink” tab worked and ended up with cookies and a mocha which he handed off to me; and he used the map on the screen to show me where he grew up in India, and where he lives now in Auckland. He had a great sense of humor and we spent a lot of time laughing together. He helped the flight go faster for me.

Yesterday we went to a Farmers Market near Sydney and – as always at Farmers Markets – we met dogs with wagging tails, and people with smiles on their faces, and the air was filled with laughter and joy and the smell of good things to eat. I bought cookies from two wonderful women at the Gumnut stand who chatted with us about our travels and gave us a little bag of free cookies as a welcome to Australia. We met Maisie, a sweet black Labrador who licked my hand and smiled a doggy smile up at me, and her human, Anna, and her mates – who all laughed with me when I introduced myself as “Karen” and said, “But what are you going to do?”

When we boarded the train after the Farmers Market – and I was looking at a map on the train’s wall and trying to figure out when our next stop was – a very cool chap named Andrew with long dyed hair, shades, and fingernails painted black, came up to the map and showed me where the route would take us. As it turns out, I couldn’t have come upon a better person to help me with this – he actually works for the trains as a guard and was on his way to work on one of the trains when he appeared. Andrew also works as a photographer for musical events – and he and my husband, Scott, got into conversation about lenses and cameras and their experiences as professional photographers.

When we got into Sydney we walked over to the Opera House (of course!) and met all kinds of wonderful people there, too. There were the people who moved over for me so I could take pictures of the seal sunbathing below us. The seal did not appear to be moving and I asked, “Is he alive? He looks so chill.” The people who’d moved over for me smiled and reassured me that the seal was alive and he was just doing what we all should be doing -enjoying the moment. A couple of young men from India asked me if I could take their picture – which I did – and then, later, they reciprocated by taking a picture of me with my family in front of the Opera House – and did an excellent job for me.

Next to the Opera House is a botanic garden. On the way to the garden we saw a bride and groom having their pre-wedding photos taken. On the way back from the garden we came upon the bride and groom again. They looked so radiant and joyful that I felt the urge to capture their joy and share it – so I asked them if I might take their picture. They were happy to smile for my camera. I told the bride that her bouquet was beautiful and she looked at her groom proudly and said that they had made the bouquet together.

After our explorations around the Opera House we went to Karen’s Diner for dinner. My daughter-in-law, Christina, had heard about Karen’s Diner from a friend and had learned that people named “Karen” could be given a free drink there. The theme at Karen’s Diner is that the food is great, and the service is deliberately rude – but rude in a funny way. I loved the whole experience – our servers were great! – and I got a free milk shake out of the deal.

On the train back from Sydney I sat next to a lively, fun family with three youngsters aged five, four, and two. The father was originally from Jamaica, and the mother had lived back and forth between Italy and Australia during her growing-up years – between them they were citizens of three countries! The littlest girl played peek-a-boo with me, and soon Christina and my son, Andrew, who are due to become parents any minute, were chatting with the parents about the joys and challenges of child-rearing. There was a lot of laughter in that conversation.

I am loving Australia and the people who live here.

The Baby Spider and the Cup Sleeve

Posted on by
Reply

baby spider pressed against my windshield
as I drive down country roads
with a 50 mph speed limit
and soon I will be on the freeway
where the speed limit is 70

I pull over and look around in my car
for something I can use to lift the baby
off my windshield
I find an old cardboard cup sleeve
and push it under the little spider
until he climbs on
then I take him to the side of the road
and dangle him over a dandelion leaf
I watch as he lowers himself onto the leaf
with his spider string
and then I get back in my car
and head for the freeway

sometimes it’s handy to have a car
littered with cardboard cup sleeves

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Kindness Is a Powerful Thing

Posted on by
Reply

podcast link: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/karen-molenaar-terrell/episodes/Kindness-Is-a-Powerful-Thing-e2fomej

I told the woman who was wrapping up a sandwich for me at the supermarket that I really liked her earrings. She thanked me and then looked at my earrings and told me she liked mine. For a moment, I’d forgotten I’d even put earrings on that morning and reached up to see what I was wearing in my ears. “Oh! These are a pair of my mom’s earrings that I found in her jewelry box after she died,” I told the woman behind the counter.

The expression on the woman’s face softened, and she said they were beautiful. She handed me my sandwich and said, “You have a good day, hon.”

And as I walked away with my sandwich I found myself tearing up.

Kindness is a powerful thing.

A Mother’s Prayer

Posted on by
2

May our children know kindness
May our children know peace
May their planet be healthy
May their wisdom increase

May they know that they matter
May they know they are loved
May they live life with courage
May they live life above
pettiness and imitation
bullying and limitation

May our children know kindness
May they know they are loved
Amen.

Karen Molenaar Terrell

Here’s a link to the podcast.

Scott and the sons at Lincoln City, OR.

Cupcakes, Sunshine, and New Friends

Posted on by
Reply

Here’s a link to the podcast.

What a gift of a day! I drove into Mount Vernon to run some errands and to see how the downtown was preparing for the up-coming tulip festival.

I bought a mocha at the co-op and took it up to the river waterfront to soak up the sunshine while I sipped it.

A man holding hands with a toddler was enjoying the sunshine by the riverfront, too. We smiled at each other, and I smiled at the tot – remembering my own sons at that age. Pretty soon the man approached me and opened conversation. He introduced himself as Serge. He said he was from Ukraine, and that his wife and son had just joined him in America at the end of December. He said his wife and son, Daniel, didn’t speak English, yet – but I could tell as I watched Daniel watching me, that it wouldn’t be long before the little one was fluent. The tot was shy with me at first – and maybe a little scared – but he warmed up to me and, eventually, smiled back at me – and that was magic! Serge said that when Daniel saw planes flying overhead it scared him – because of his experience with the war – but that Daniel was getting more comfortable with planes now. Serge’s wife joined him then and smiled and waved. I welcomed her to America – and Serge translated my words for her. They left then, to wander some more in the sunshine. I was so glad I had a chance to connect with them today.

I walked back down to First Street – cupcakes from Shambala Bakery on my mind. As I shambled towards Shambala I saw a woman put a blanket over a man who was sleeping on the sidewalk. That really touched me. I asked her if the man was alright, and she said yes, but that she feels the need to care for people – and she felt he needed a blanket. I found myself tearing up at her kindness. I felt a kinship with this woman – who I learned was named Jody – and we gave each other a parting hug before I continued on my cupcake mission.

I opened the door to the bakery and hopped to the the case full of cupcakes. So many cupcakes! How to choose?! I decided I’d get the one with banana frosting for my husband, and get myself an orange cupcake. Then I asked the sales person what her favorite was – and she pointed to the chocolate ones with raspberry frosting – so I decided to get one of those instead of the cupcake with banana frosting.

I left with my cupcake loot, and hadn’t gotten very far when I came upon a young man standing on the sidewalk, surrounded by baggage. I asked him if he was hungry, and he said yes. I asked him if he’d like an orange cupcake – and he said that sounded great, thank you. So I gave him the orange cupcake – I’m so glad I had something to give him! – and then went back to the bakery to fetch myself another one.

When I got home from my trip to Mount Vernon, I wasn’t ready to go inside, yet. I pulled a weed. Then another. Then I grabbed the garden claw and settled in for some major buttercup pulling. It felt good to feel the soft earth around my hands. When I was done with that little patch of garden, I pulled out our electric lawn mower and mowed the front yard. The grass was all shiny and green. I breathed in the spring smells and felt the warmth of the sunshine on my face.

It has been a lovely day.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Using My Highly-Honed Detective Skills

Posted on by
3

Here’s a link to the podcast.

There are all these TV shows where there are detectives and body guards and lawyers who are constantly on the alert for suspicious activity – I enjoy these shows. Sometimes I try to imagine myself as an observant detective, myself. So, at the supermarket this morning, I decided to observe – only I decided to look for evidence of good things.

As I stood at the end of a long line at the cash register I had a lot of time to observe. I saw cashiers who were friendly and efficient. I saw people smiling at each other, and making room for other customers to go around them. And in front of me in line I saw a little boy sitting in the shopping cart, reaching up to hug his mom. Oh, it was so sweet and beautiful – that little hug. I felt my heart melting at the sweetness of it. I leaned in and told the young mother that I was a mother of sons, too, and that I remember those precious moments when my sons were little.

Then the little boy got out of the cart and turned to me. He had important things to say to me. He pointed to the Oreo cookies in the shopping cart and told me these were his favorite type of cookies. I told him they were mine, too! So we talked for a bit about the wonder of Oreo cookies and the proper way to eat them. Then the little boy pointed to the primroses in my cart and told me that they were pretty. I asked him which one of the primroses was his favorite, and he said he liked the pink one best. He told me his name was “Benjamin” and said something I didn’t quite catch about “Georgia.”

By this time, his mom’s groceries were all packed up and they were ready to go. I thanked Benjamin for chatting with me, and he said, “Good bye!” and waved at me.

I was so tickled by this happy exchange with young Benjamin.

My highly-honed detective skills helped me find just what I needed this morning.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

A Long Chain of Smiles

Posted on by
Reply

Quick story:

So I’m at the supermarket yesterday. I park off to the side where it’s not as crowded. As I get out of the car, I notice an older gentleman wheeling a little shopping cart back to the shopping cart area and I tell him I’ll take it from him. He smiles and says when he arrived to go shopping, HE got the cart from another guy who’d been wheeling it to the shopping cart area. He said, “I told him that he’d already warmed it up for me.” We laugh at that and I take the cart in and do my shopping. When I’m done shopping I bring the cart to my car and unload my groceries. Then I start to take the cart back to the cart area when another older gentleman stops me and says he can take it from me – he’s just about to go shopping – and, he says, “You’ve already warmed the cart up for me!” I explain the Saga of the Shopping Cart to him and tell him he’s now the fourth person to have this shopping cart handed off to him. He smiles and nods and takes that friendly little shopping cart into the store.

I like to think that little shopping cart got handed from one customer to another all day long – connecting us all in a long chain of smiles.