Category Archives: Christian Science

A Happy Ending for a Neurotic Karen

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I’m one of those people who lies awake at night worrying about stuff I said the day before. I worry about hurting people’s feelings unintentionally; I worry about people thinking I was serious when i was just having fun; I worry about accidentally offending people.

Last night I worried about something I’d said in fun to a bank teller earlier in the day. I’d been standing in line for ten or 15 minutes while the tellers worked with two other individuals ahead of me who had complicated transactions. I was the only one in line for most of that time. Then a woman with a crutch came in and stood behind me and let me know that she was there because it appeared someone had gained access to her account. This was serious. So when a teller opened up another line – one with a chair for someone to sit down on – I told the woman behind me to go ahead – her business was more serious than mine. She thanked me and took the seat in front of the teller.

I waited. I waited some more. A couple more people came in behind me. And now both the other tellers finished their business with the previous customers. I was excited. I was almost there!

Then one of the tellers grabbed her purse and left (I didn’t blame her – she probably was finally going to get lunch). So now I waited for the other teller to signal me. And I waited. And finally I said, laughing, “Is it just me? That other teller took one look at me and said, ‘I’m out of here!'” The teller smiled and said she was just clearing a space for me and I could come up now.

She was very gracious. I learned that the man ahead of me had brought in 7,000 pennies to be turned into $70 cash and that it had taken some time to sort all that out. I was impressed by the teller’s patience and composure. My transaction went quickly and I left.

But as I was driving home I started worrying. Had the teller realized I’d just been having fun when I asked, “Is it just me?” Had I come across as – oh, the horror! – a “Karen”?

I worried. I worried some more. I worried much longer than I’d waited in that line at the bank.

I had a break from my worrying when Clara Kitty nestled in beside me for some cuddles. I realized that if I was spending time worrying I wouldn’t be focused on the love I could give right then to Clara. So I scratched her behind the ears and she licked my hand and for a little while I just stayed in the moment.

But when I went to bed I started worrying again.

This morning I decided to bring a home-made card to the teller, telling her how much I appreciated her kindness and patience yesterday. I wasn’t sure how this was going to work, exactly. I wasn’t sure if she’d even be at the bank, and, if she was at the bank, I wasn’t sure how I was going to manage to get to her counter. But I trusted that Love would sort all that out for me.

When I got to the bank I saw she was there! And the woman ahead of me in line appeared to be waiting for the OTHER teller because she stepped aside and waved me forward when the teller I wanted to see became available. How cool was that?!

I asked the teller her name – she said “Natasha” – and I told her I’d been impressed by how patient she was yesterday and how gracious, and I wanted to give her this card to thank her. I told her I hoped she knew I was having fun yesterday – I was worried that she’d thought I was serious. She started laughing and said she totally knew I was joking and she’d been grateful that I’d had a sense of humor about it all and wasn’t cranky like another customer might have been.

I felt a huge weight of worry lift from me! She had a sense of humor!!

I left the bank feeling like I was floating on Love. Empowered by Love. Powered by Love. I felt fearless and safe and impervious to bad stuff. I felt Love with me.

Journey Through Clinical Depression

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My contribution to Mental Health Awareness Month:

In 2007 I began my journey through a massive clinical depression. At the time I was going through the depression I didn’t see an end to it – I was afraid I was going to spend the rest of my life in the darkness. I felt hopeless, helpless, and full of guilt and fear. I contemplated ending my life, lost my appetite, and felt like I’d lost myself, too. In desperation, I turned to God, to the power of Love, to guide me through the darkness.

I learned a lot during this time. I learned not to battle the waves, but to surf on top of them. I learned that if I could love I had a reason to live. I learned I could be happy even when I was sad. I learned to focus on now and move from moment-to-moment, step-by-step. At some point I recognized that the mortal mind posing as me wasn’t really any part of me – my real Mind was God, Love. Being able to separate the counterfeit mind from my real Mind was hugely helpful to me. How could I lose my mind when my Mind was God?

And when, in a year, I came out the other side into the light, I recognized my own strength, and the tender love God has for me, and for all Her creation. I came out of the depression with a fearlessness that I hadn’t had going into it. I felt reborn.

I think I needed that experience in my life – it helped prepare me for the challenges my world is facing right now. At the time it seemed like the worst thing I’d ever experienced. Now, looking back, I realize what a wonderful blessing it was to me.

I’m so glad I didn’t end my life all those years ago. Look at all the things I would have missed! – all the sunrises and sunsets and new friends and adventures and daughters-in-law and a grandbaby!

If you’re going through what I went through 17 years ago, please know there IS a way through. The light DOES come again. Please know that you matter. You are important to this world. We need all the love you have to give. We need your kindness. Know you can be happy even when you’re sad. Know you are loved.

Karen Talking to Herself

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Feeling unsettled.
What’s going on?
Scared of what might come.
Don’t think ahead. Focus on now.
Okay.
Can you breathe?
Yes.
Then do that. Be grateful for that.
Can you sing?
Yes.
Then use your voice and sing yourself a song.
Can you love?
Yes.
Then love. Love like there’s no tomorrow. Love like there’s only now.
Okay.
Feeling better?
Yes. Thank you, Karen.
Any time. I’m always here.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Why Do Hobbits Live in Her Shoe?

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She was trying to understand the unfathomable –
trying to find a reason and cause for the hate and insanity
the greed and racism, willful ignorance and inanity.
And finally she realized she was looking at it upside-down:
Trying to find a source for a story that’s not true
is like trying to find the reason fairies exist
or hobbits live in her shoe;
It’s like asking why Road Runner and Wiley Coyote
are always in a fight;
It’s like trying to find the source for darkness
instead of turning on a light.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

(Photo by NASA.)

“I’m Here.”

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I wake in the early hours of the morning –
all is still and dark. I try to identify my feelings.
I am scared. I’m scared for the people detained
unlawfully in prisons. I fear for those in danger
in lands at war, and in my own nation. I’m scared.

I reach my thoughts out to my God, to Love.

The voice says, “I’m Here.”

Like, “I’m here with you.”
But also like, “I am Here – that is My name.”
And I respond, “I’m here, too.”

And for just a moment I have a glimmer
of the God Who is Here – all-present,
filling all space, always, with no possibility
of separation between Creation and Creator.
I see nothing can separate any of us from Love –
not governments, nor presidents, nor kings,
nor war.

I feel a weight lift from me.
I feel the power of Love with all Creation
and know no one is outside
the power of that Power –
the power of Here.

I wrap myself up in the peace
of the early hours of the morning
and rest in the arms of Love.

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

Where Does That Hate Come From?

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(I stumbled upon this old post from 2016 and thought it would work well in 2025, too.)

About once a week I walk into town to buy a hummus roasted veggie sandwich and to see my friend, Frank, who works at the sandwich place. Frank is gay. We’ve never talked about his gayness or my not-gayness or anyone’s whatever-ness in conversation – I mean – it’s not like people usually approach a new friend, shake hands, and introduce themselves by their labels – “Hi, I’m Karen and I’m a progressive bleeding heart liberal heterosexual female Christian Scientist of mostly European ancestry (although there might be some Basque Reptile Alien in there, too) – and how about you? What are your labels?” – but, yeah, Frank is gay. This week when Frank asked me how I was, I gave the usual, “I’m good. And how about you?” And he gave the usual, “I’m good.” But this time something made me stop and really look at Frank. And I asked, “Frank, how are you really?” Frank said it had been a rough week.

He said he’d been in a bar earlier in the week, and he’d heard people at the next table over saying – in deliberately loud voices so Frank could hear – “Yeah. Those people in Florida deserved it.” Frank had tried to remain civil to them – he and the bar-tender had had their own conversation – loud enough to be heard – about the terribleness of the tragedy. And the people at the next table spewed out some more hatred. And Frank wondered about them: Hadn’t they ever been targeted for being different in some way? Didn’t they know what that felt like?

I started tearing up. “Frank, where does that hate come from? I don’t understand it.” Frank shook his head sadly, and said he thought it came from ignorance – from people being afraid of what they don’t know. He said he leaves those people in the hands of the Lord – and he didn’t mean that in a vengeful way – but in a “God will help them” way.

I told Frank that I was with him. I told him that he wasn’t alone. And he thanked me and gave me a hug.

Later on I was thinking about what Frank had said – his wondering if those people had ever been targeted for being different – and it made me remember a time, years ago, when I’d been watching a local “town meeting” on television and I’d heard someone say that “All Christian Scientists should be lined up against a wall and shot.” It had been strange and disturbing to hear someone who didn’t know me wish me dead. It stuck with me. I learned something from that.

Anyone could become a target – hatred is a form of insanity, really, and it doesn’t have to make sense – maybe tomorrow it will be stubby people, or extra tall people, or people with green eyes, or left-handed people, who will become the targets.

I think when we take the time to get to know each other – to try to understand each other without judgment or condemnation – to listen to each other – when we take the time to get rid of our own ignorance – we are doing a lot to make the world a better place. It’s been said so many times, but I think it’s true: Love really IS the answer.

A New Review (And Let’s Talk About Amazon’s Weird Rating System)

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I just got another review for Cosmic Connections: Sharing the Joy. I so appreciate the folks who take the time to write reviews for my books. If you’re a writer, I think you’ll understand. I don’t write for money or fame. I write to connect – to help people know they’re not alone. Positive reviews help me feel that connection we have to one another.

Amazon has a weird rating system. I have six ratings now for Cosmic Connections – five of them are five-star ratings and three of those have reviews with them. I also have one one-star rating. The one-star rating doesn’t come with a review or an explanation or even a name. But somehow that one-star rating holds more weight than the five five-star ratings. That one one-star rating is worth 25% of my whole average. I’ve asked Amazon about this, but have gotten no response.

So if you read my book and liked it and wanted to write a review for it, I think it would be way cool to flood Amazon with positive reviews and see how they get around THAT.

Here’s the latest review – Mama Bear writes:
“This book is so positive, so uplifting and so authentic. The author shows us how a simple act of kindness, a smile and a little love can set the tone for a person’s day. I’m ordering the next 2 books in this series soon. I highly recommend these books!!”

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Day One of a Trip to Venice, California

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Scott drops me off at SeaTac. I follow a family with young children – they look like they know what they’re doing. Somehow I end up in front of them in the security check line. I turn around and tell them I was following them because it looked like they knew where to go and they started laughing. No, they tell me, they don’t know what they’re doing. I show them my passport, clutched tightly in my hand, and tell them I’m constantly checking to make sure I have it with me. The mom starts laughing and says she’s checking even as she’s holding it in her hand.

I sit next to a blond woman with a friendly smile, all dressed in pink. My instincts tell me she’ll be fun to chat with. And she is! I learn she’s a manager for Claire’s going to LA for training and we talk about traveling and trips we’ve taken.

I need to stretch my legs and go into the waiting area next to mine. I see an amazing sunrise through the window and go over to take a photo. I apologize to the young man sitting near me for getting in his space and he smiles and says it’s no problem and it is a nice sunrise. I ask him where he’s flying and he says Hawaii. A couple sitting across from him asks me where I’m going and I tell them Los Angeles. “La La Land,” the man says and I tell him I’m going to see my grandbaby. The couple get big smiles and nod their heads in the universal understanding of grandparents for grandparents.

The woman in front of me as we go up the ramp to board the plane starts singing, “I’m leaving on a jet plane…” and I finish for her, “…don’t know when I’ll be back again.” She turns around with a big grin on her face and says, “Exactly!” I follow her and her husband down the aisle and learn they are my seat mates! Cosmic!

As we fly south, we chat and I learn they’re flying to Chile and from there to other places and will be gone for a month. Of course, not long into our conversation I happen to mention my dad is in Wikipedia for mountain climbing and Cathy, who has an app that lets her connect to the internet, looks him up. We talk about weddings and children, trips we’ve taken, and places we’ve lived. When the plane lands I tell her I’m so glad I got her for a seat mate because you never know who you’re going to end up with and she nods and starts laughing.

I wave to the security guard as I head for baggage claim and he smiles and waves back. And there’s my son waiting for me! So good to be with him again!

Christina and little Linh join us at the Gratitude Cafe for lunch. Linh is just waking up from a nap, and it takes a while before she notices me and then she gets a big grin on her face. Oh joy!

Later Christina gives me a tour of Venice Beach. Little Linh is running ahead of us and, literally, runs into a woman with a baby stroller. And this is how we meet Raven and her beautiful little two month-old baby. Her baby, Ariana, was born prematurely – at just 30 weeks- and she’s really tiny – the big pink bow on her head is almost as big as she is. But Raven tells us that she’s more than doubled in size since she was born – she weighed two pounds at birth and now weighs five!

Raven is so fun – animated and full of love – and I ask her if I can take her picture. She laughs and poses for me while I snap my camera.

It’s only day one, and look how many cool new friends I’ve made!

To Lighten My Load

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I went in search of joy –
trusting Love to lead me
to treasure beyond compare.
I found birds – cormorants,
ducks, swans, and geese –
calmly doing what birds do
and it brought me peace.
Joy!

I passed by places where
I’d spent time with loved ones
and happy memories filled
my soul and made me smile.
I remembered the love
and found the love was with me still.
Joy!

I passed a woman with a bag
of belongings on her back
and asked her if she needed a ride.
She pushed her bag in my car
and got into the passenger seat.
I asked her if she was hungry
and we went to the espresso stand
to find her something to eat.
The barista understood what we
were doing and gave my new friend
extra crackers and we smiled
conspiratorial kindness at each other.
Joy!

And as I drove my passenger to her
next destination she told me that God
had sent her on her journey today
with a message she’d had to deliver
to someone up the road.
And it came to me then that she’d
been a message delivered by Love
to ME today to help lighten my load.
Joy!

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

I Went in Search of Joy Today…

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Magic!

I went in search of treasure today – looking for the things that bring me joy. I parked down near the Alaska Ferry Terminal in Fairhaven and walked up to 11th Street. Stopped in at Village Books and bought myself an anthology of Mary Oliver poems – joy! Then walked back down to Fairhaven Coffee, hoping I’d find Kenzie barista-ing to give her a copy of my latest book (she’s in it) – and she was there! Kenzie is studying to be a social studies teacher – and I was a social studies teacher for a good chunk of my career – so we talked shop for a while – joy! I walked up to the trail to the dog park and walked through the rookery – remembering when those nests were full of squawking tuft-headed babies – the memories brought me joy! Then I walked down to Marine Park and sat on the block where my 100-year-old dad had once sat and remembered our time together there – joy!

I took Chuckanut home. I passed a woman walking on the side of the road with a big bag full of her belongings. I pulled over to ask her if she needed a ride. She described where she needed to go in Burlington and I told her I could take her there, so she got in the car and I headed towards Burlington. On the way, I asked her if she was hungry. She said she’d had a banana today. I told her I could buy her something to eat at the Otter Bean Espresso down the road.

Ali was working at the espresso stand today, and I introduced her to my guest and explained that I wanted to buy her a meal. Ali’s face lit up. She went through the food options for my guest, who ended up choosing a cup of chili and a mocha. When Ali handed my new friend’s chili to her she let her know she’d added some extra crackers. Ali and I smiled big smiles at each other and I thanked her – joy!

I brought my new friend to her destination and then continued on to Fred Meyer’s for some quick shopping.

I ran into my old friend, Kim, from Youthnet there and we exchanged greetings. Then, as I was leaving, I saw Kelly, the parent of one of my former eighth graders, coming towards the store. Kelly was literally glowing with joy. She said she was there to work on fundraising for Meals on Wheels. She said working with that organization was something that meant a lot to her – it felt good to be part of it. Joy!

What an amazing day Love gave me today – so many gifts! So many opportunities for joy!