In the stillness of the night
I commune with the Cosmos –
feel the presence, power, might
of Love enfolding me –
and this is what I trust –
my own experience with the Divine.
I don’t need to be told
what to believe, what to think,
what to feel,
when to stand
and when to kneel.
I know in my own heartt
what’s genuine, what’s real.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
Googling Hamas, Israel, Gaza,
Harris, Trump, polls,
politics, war, peace, causes,
Ukraine, Russia, death tolls,
species endangered,
glaciers receding,
earth’s poles melting,
I’m adrift and seeking,
googling for inspiration,
googling for help,
googling for answers,
googling myself.
But none of what I’m looking for
is housed in this computer –
not peace, not hope, and not myself –
nor the guarantee of a future.
To find those things I’ll need to stop
and get off of my whirring laptop.
I breathe in deep, and close my eyes,
and feel Love pulsing around me.
Right here. Right now. As near as my thoughts –
the Good I seek is right here with me.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
a world shaken
and six more lives taken
(“May we be blessed
by their memory.”)
the world seems
to be hemorrhaging
what gives it meaning
and beauty
for some misguided duty
to kill all who don’t have
the same beliefs
as the ones who hold the guns
when will war be done?
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
So here I am
at 5:20 in the morning
one cat asleep
the other pacing for breakfast
and the world is still dark
age-old questions weaving
through my thoughts:
why are we here?
why am I here?
Does the universe exist because
of a random series of physical events
that brought us to this place
where I sit in the dark and wonder why?
Some of my friends would say
that to ask “why” is to start
in the wrong place. Does there have
to be a why? They would ask.
Does it have to make sense?
Does there have to be a purpose
to this existence?
But it is built in me to ask why,
and so I ask.
And all the questions – the whys
and whats and whatifs,
the whos and wheres and
even the whens,
always lead me back to Love.
What? Love.
Why? To love.
Who? To love all.
When? To love all now.
Where? To love all now and here.
It is 5:34 now.
One cat sleeps,
the other paces for breakfast.
They are here to be loved.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
Exactly ninteen years ago – on August 9, 2005 – I birthed my first book, Blessings: Adventures of a Madcap Christian Scientist.
I’ve always enjoyed the process of writing – I’ve kept journals for decades – and at some point the idea came to me that it was time to share my experiences as a Christian Scientist with other people in an open and honest way. I wanted to “demystify” CS – to introduce folks unfamiliar with CS to an actual CSist (me). I felt that others would be able to relate to my life experiences, and I hoped my book would be a way for me to connect to my fellow human be-ings.
Once I started writing Blessings the words just flowed out of me. At times I felt like I wasn’t the one writing this book at all – like I was just a transmitter or something. And whenever something would happen that discouraged me – problems with the printer or my computer – I’d get a call out of the blue from Mel Schoening, the wife of the man who’d saved my Dad’s life on K2 – and she’d encourage me to keep working on this book. She’d tell me that what I was doing was important, and that she loved what I was sharing with her. (I’d sent her an early chapter about her husband’s heroics on K2, and it had really touched her.)
I got the first draft of my book done by Mother’s Day and presented copies to my mom and her sisters, Elsie and Junie, as gifts. I dedicated the book to them.
And at some point, one of my friends who’d read the first draft, suggested I look into print-on-demand publishers. I found CreateSpace – a publisher that gave me the tools to format my book for publishing, and would sell my books through Amazon and other book stores.
In those days I didn’t have any platform, really, to advertize my book – Facebook, instagram, WordPress, TikTok, Twitter – none of these social networks existed then, or if they did, I wasn’t familiar with them. But I sent out copies of my book to my friends and they ordered copies and sent them to THEIR friends, and, in a very modest way, I began to sell books on Amazon. And then I began to get reviews on Amazon. That was pretty cool.
Here are some samples:
On New Year’s Eve in 2007, when I was struggling with a massive depression and needed some reassurance from the Cosmos, I found this review waiting for me on Amazon by a man named Fred Lloyd, who had written his review just that day: “One reviewer recommends this book to those who may need a lift. I recommend this book for anyone, including devoted Christian Scientists. When I came across it I wondered if it would be appropriate as a Christmas gift to my wife who is a Christian Scientist. I think it is a wonderful sharing. Karen becomes your friend, someone you know and love and you know if she knew you, she would love you the way you want to be loved. I may be wrong, but I don’t believe anyone else could have written this book. It is a stand alone item that gives us a window of life that is rare indeed.”
RobertJ wrote: “To echo the reviews of others, I did laugh, I did cry, this book touched my soul. My wife and I read it out loud on a snowy New Hampshire day and there were numerous times when I had to pause as the lump formed in my throat. I’ve been a Christian Scientist for most of my adult life and this book tells my story and the story of many fellow travelers. I recommend this book highly for anyone who would like to see how prayer can make a difference in your life, in ways both large and small.”
VoIP-Dragon User wrote: “OK, after reading the reviews, I thought this might make a nice Christmas present for a friend. When it arrived I decided to ‘peek’ at a few pages, but couldn’t put it down. I finished reading it in one sitting. But how to review the book is a challenge. It leaves you with such a joyful uplifted feeling and one of appreciation and relevance. At first I found myself saying, ‘I want to know this woman’ and after I finished the book I felt I did. Karen brings very positive reinforcement into the reader’s experience and the easy flowing style just melts in your mouth like comfort food. I found dozens of instances where I saw a parallel in my own life, that were entertaining and inspirational in a down to earth sort of way. I’m wearing a smile having read this and can’t think of a better way to pass an evening than this quick roller-coaster ride through another’s eyes of refreshing gratitude. It touched my heart and soul. Highly recommended.”
I now have 33 reviews and 47 ratings on Amazon: 37 five-stars, four four-stars, five three-stars, and, yes, even one one-star (which comes with no review and no name to go with it – but what kind of namby-pamby writer would I be if someone didn’t hate my book enough to give it a one-star?).
This book has also brought me many beautiful and valuable friendships. Because of *Blessings* I’ve been able to connect with new friends all over the world – with Chip and his partner, Eric, in Florida; with readers in a book club in Chicago; with members of the local Unitarian Universalist church; with Norman in Africa; and with a whole host of wonderful hooligans on an Amazon discussion forum. *Blessings* has led me into cool new communities and opened new doors for me, and the encouraging responses I’ve gotten for *Blessings* over the years has touched my heart and inspired me to keep writing.
***
Here’s the Introduction to Blessings: Adventures of a Madcap Christian Scientist:
Years ago an old boyfriend said to me, “I can’t see that Christian Science has made you any better than anyone else.”
“I know!” I said, nodding my head in complete and happy agreement, “But can you imagine what I’d be like without it?!”
He raised his eyebrows and laughed. What could he say? He was looking at a self-centered, moralistic, stubborn idealist who saw everything in terms of black and white. But I could have been worse. I believe without Christian Science I would have been worse.
Let’s get one thing clear from the start: I am not the best example of a Christian Scientist. I’m not as disciplined as I could be. I have fears and worries and doubts. I’m a little neurotic. I am the Lucy Ricardo of Christian Scientists.
I should probably put in a disclaimer here, too—the views expressed in these pages are not necessarily the views shared by other Christian Scientists. Christian Scientists are really a pretty diverse group of people—there are Democrat Christian Scientists and Republican Christian Scientists, “Green,” and “Red,” and “Blue” Christian Scientists, and Christian Scientists with no political affiliations at all. Frankly, I like that about us. We keep each other on our toes.
I should also tell you that this book is not an authorized piece of Christian Science literature. If you want to actually study Christian Science you should probably read the textbook for this way of life, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy.
My purpose for writing this epistle is really two-fold (I don’t think I’ve ever used the word “two-fold” in my life, and using it now is making me feel sort of professorial. I like the feeling.):
First-foldly, to introduce you to one Christian Scientist so that if you ever hear someone talking fearfully and ignorantly (feargnorantly?) about Christian Scientists you’ll be in a position to say, “I have a friend who’s a Christian Scientist, and, although it’s true she’s a bit of a nut, she’s also…” and you can go on and talk about how your friend has used her study of Christian Science to try to make the world a happier place.
Second-foldly, I feel the need to acknowledge God’s blessings in my life. I don’t want to be like those nine lepers in the Bible who couldn’t take the time to thank Jesus for healing them. I want to be like that one leper who “fell down on his face at his feet” before Jesus and gave him thanks (Luke 17). Through my study of Christian Science I’ve witnessed some incredible proofs of our Father-Mother God’s love for Her creation in my life. God has filled my life with infinite blessings and it’s time for me to acknowledge these blessings to others.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
“Mrs. Mary Baker Eddy has always believed that those who are entitled to vote should do so, and she has also believed that in such matters no one should seek to dictate the actions of others.”
– from Prose Works by Mary Baker Eddy
I appreciate that in the Christian Science movement there’s no official authority telling its members how to vote on issues, or which politicians they should try to elect. Members are expected to vote as individual conscience and understanding dictate. And this, I believe, is as it should be.
Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of the Christian Science church, was a strong believer in separation of church and state. She writes, in Miscellaneous Writings: “Progress, legitimate to the human race, pours the healing balm of Truth and Love into every wound. It reassures us that no Reign of Terror or rule of error will again unite Church and State, or re-enact, through the civil arm of governments, the horrors of religious persecution.” (No and Yes, p 44) And, warning against the tendency of religious institutions to try to dictate the workings of government, she writes: “It is the pulpit and press, clerical robes and the prohibiting of free speech, that cradles and covers the sins of the world, – all unmitigated systems of crime; and it requires the enlightenment of these worthies, through civil and religious reform, to blot out all inhuman codes. It was the Southern pulpit and press that influenced the people to wrench from man both human and divine rights, in order to subserve the interests of wealth, religious caste, civil and political power.”
When considering the workings of politics, and separation of church and state, I’ve always found these passages in The Bible helpful:
“When Jesus therefore perceived that they would come and take him by force, to make him a king, he departed again into a mountain himself alone.” – John 6: 15
“Then went the Pharisees, and took counsel how they might entangle him in his talk. And they sent out unto him their disciples with the Herodians, saying, Master, we know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God in truth, neither carest thou for any man: for thou regardest not the person of men.Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not?
“ But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites? Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny. And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription?
“They say unto him, Caesar’s. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.
“When they had heard these words, they marvelled, and left him, and went their way.”
– Matthew 22
Amen.
(Excerpted from a post published on October 24, 2012.)
It has been a challenging week – both personally and globally, I guess – and I needed to get out and exchange smiles and meet new friends and see the good in the world.
As I was on my way to Fred Meyer’s yesterday I realized that it was “senior” day there and I’d get to buy things with a discount. So that was cool. I love “senior” day at Fred Meyer’s – not just because of the discount, but because it’s kind of fun to be with a store-full of other people who were alive when the Beatles first appeared on Ed Sullivan, and when man took his first steps on the moon. There’s a kinship there.
As I was checking out, I had to keep asking the cashier to repeat herself, and we both started laughing. I commended her for her patience with me, and with the other seniors there. I told her my dad lived to be 101 and I was his POA at the end and, maybe because of this, I can recognize in other people the ones who care for, and know HOW to care for, our society’s oldest members. The cashier laughed and said that she’s told her older relations that they don’t need to worry, she’s got their backs.
I also met some way cool “youngsters” at Fred’s yesterday – and by youngsters I mean young people around my sons’ ages – late twenties and early thirties.
I’d stopped in the photo department to buy photo paper and ink and there was a young man in the aisle, looking for computer stuff, I think – and he had this amazing hair – curly and long and red and tied up in a pony tail. I turned to him and said, “It has to be said: You have amazing hair.” He started laughing and thanked me, and told me that he’s the only one in his family who ended up with curly hair – and he didn’t get his until he was twelve or so. I told him the same was true for my eldest son.
Later, as I was waiting in line at the in-store Starbucks, I got into conversation with two young families with babies in carts ahead of me in the line. The mother of one of the babies said that the babies were cousins and were only a few months apart in age – and I learned the youngest was only two weeks older than my granddaughter. So that was pretty cool. I got into conversation with the father of one of the babies and learned he was my oldest son’s age. And, as we stood in line at the Starbucks in Fred’s, he talked to me about his recent spiritual journey, and the importance of the sun, and the connection he feels with nature and he asked me if I saw the face in his picture of the sun and I know this is all one sentence, but that’s the only way I can convey the energy coming from him as he talked to me. It’s amazing the conversations one can have waiting in line at Fred Meyer’s.
I went out to my car, and there was another young man feeding his jeep some kind of fuel enhancer (?) in a bottle that I at first took for a soda can. He’d noticed my sticker for the Wake ‘n Bakery in Glacier – and said he liked all my other stickers, too – and soon he was telling me about his youtube snow reports and his horses and farm, and how he’d grown up in Michigan, but had lived in Marblemount for twenty years, and the difference between x-country skiing in the topography of Michigan and x-country skiing in the topography of the North Cascades and, again, I know that’s a lot to put into one sentence, but that’s the only way I can convey the energy I felt coming from this young man, too. It’s amazing the conversations one can have in a parking lot at Fred Meyer’s.
By the time I’d left Fred’s I’d exchanged smiles, and made new friends, seen the good in the world, and seen the face of the sun.
My dear Humoristian hooligans –
Look! We’re still here! We have another day to do good things!
May your irrepressible joy bring hope to the weary and worn. May your kindness reach the forgotten and lonely. May the bossy, bigoted, and bullying be transformed by your good will to all. May the ascared and discouraged be bolstered by your courage. May you bring laughter to those in desperate need of a good laugh.
Go out there and work your magic, my friends!
It’s not over until Love wins.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
This is an old blog post (September 14, 2013), but it came to my thought just now and I thought maybe Pride Month was a good time to repost it:
Okay, I just watched a youtube clip that still has me wiping the tears from my face. I was so moved by this clip – so completely inspired by it. It went waaaay beyond your typical proposal of young man on bended knee proposing to young woman – no, this proposal included a choreographed dance to Betty Who’s upbeat song, Somebody Loves You, and an ensemble cast of parents, friends, youngsters, oldsters – all there to support the handsome couple. This marriage proposal was testament to the power of community and the power of love. And part of what made the proposal so extraordinary, for me, was that the couple wasn’t a man and a woman at all – the couple was a man and a man… in Salt Lake City… Utah. And… did I mention that their mums and dads were there? Friends? Little girls in pinks tutus doing cartwheels? Babies? If you haven’t seen this clip, you gotta watch it – you just gotta!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4HpWQmEXrM
This is the way it’s supposed to be. Acceptance. Support. Celebration. Love.
I look forward to that day when every citizen can share in the exact same rights as every other citizen of our land.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell
Yesterday I found myself ruminating on a difficult situation I’d found myself in a dozen years ago. I thought I’d moved on and left it all behind me – the difficulties of that time had impelled me to launch myself out into the Great Unknown and given me the opportunity to find a wonderful new place for myself, and I was grateful for that.
But yesterday I found myself thinking about the unfairness of what had happened to me a dozen years ago, and the mean-spiritedness of the people involved. Yesterday I found myself having a hard time letting go of the resentment I discovered I still felt towards the people who’d made my life so challenging all those years ago.
I prayed about this.
And as I was reading this week’s Bible Lesson in the Christian Science Quarterly, this passage jumped out at me: “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” (Galatians 5:1.) Whoah. A dozen years ago I escaped from a difficult situation and found myself in a wonderful new place. A dozen years ago I found my freedom. I don’t need to ever be “entangled again” with that “yoke of bondage” – not even through my memories. I’m free! Why would I want to go back – even in my memories – to a time when I wasn’t?
And this passage in the lesson this week made me think about how I see others – am I seeing EVERYone as the beautiful child of God? “…give up imperfect models and illlusive ideals; and so let us have one God, one Mind, and that one perfect, producing His own models of excellence.” Can any of God’s children ever do harm to Her other children? No, of course not! I need to let go of any illusion I might have that any of God’s children can be less than the perfection of Love.
I realize that I need to forgive others their human-ness as they work their way through life, just as I hope others will forgive MY human-ness. NO one is where they were twelve years ago. We’ve all progressed and grown.
And NONE of us needs to be entangled again in old yokes of bondage.
