Taking down the Christmas tree seemed especially hard for me this year. Every ornament brought back memories – sweet and dear – as I wrapped them up (both the ornaments and the memories) and packed them in the Christmas sack.
Ornaments Mom left me after she passed. Ornaments from former students in my class. Ornaments our sons made of pop-sickle sticks and glitter, macaroni and beads.
I felt the loss.
And I know. I know. I know. I know all the things you want to say: I know that Good is never really gone- It’s here to stay It lives on – in our memories. I know Love never ends – and I should be grateful for all the family, all the friends, all the love I’ve known in my life.
But as I take down the tree I’m missing you especially. -Karen Molenaar Terrell
Last night as I was falling asleep I thought again of that one-star rating someone gave me for my audio book (that rating appears at the top of the page any time I google myself) and I came to terms with it. Sort of. I figured it was going to be there as long as I needed it to be there. I decided to be grateful for whatever lesson I need to learn from it. And then I thought bigger than that. When I die, I realized, none of any of that is going to matter – not the five stars, not the one star, not my name or my reputation or my popularity – that stuff – all of it – will soon be forgotten and in 50 years nobody will even remember “Karen Molenaar Terrell” was here. The one star and the five stars have nothing to do with who I really am – with my real identity as a child of the Cosmos. What WILL matter in 50 years is that I was kind while I was here, and honest. Even though my name won’t be remembered, I figure any kindness I leave behind me will leave an impression – a ripple maybe – that will join all the other ripples of kindness and help bring our little boat of mankind to the shore in a wave of Love. (I know. I am so deep, right?)
So anyway – this morning – the first morning of 2021 – I googled me again (I cannot help myself – remember that scene in “Schitt’s Creek” where Johnny asks a freaked-out Moira if she “googled” herself again?) and some kind someone had added a 5-star rating to my audio book! Bless their heart. That brings my audiobook up to three stars now. And – to be honest (and because I’m still human) – that feels a lot better than one star.
Why would I choose bitterness and deny myself the peace of forgiveness? Why would I choose anger and deny myself the joy of kindness? Why would I choose hate and deny myself the healing presence of Love? -Karen Molenaar Terrell
May the peace, joy, and presence of Love fill your hearts and home this Christmas!
I went for a drive as the sun was rising this morning and pondered the concept of Love. I put in a CD of Alison Krauss’s music, listened to her sing the Beatle’s “I Will” – and let the music lift me up into that magical place where there’s no anger or fear, enemies or hate – where all of creation knows nothing but joy and good will. This poem and these pictures are what I brought back…
If I open myself up to Love I avail myself of all the power of Love – the warm, healing presence of Love.
Love isn’t some fragile thing. It’s not destructible. It’s not pretty in a Christmas tree glass ornament way. It’s enduring, dependable; as solid as a mother’s lap; as strong as a father’s rescuing arms; as beautiful as the sound of Beethoven’s “Joy”- indestructible, and perfect.
Love fills all space – every corner, hole, and crevice – the collective consciousness of universal compassion and kindness nurturing and reaching out to the love in all of us. And the love in all of us can’t help but respond.
And that’s how we heal. -Karen Molenaar Terrell
Click here for a link to a video I filmed of the sunrise.
Photos of the sunrise over Skagit County, Washington, this morning. Photos by Karen Molenaar Terrell.
Wrapped up cozy in a downpour on this winter solstice day Rain patter-tapping on my bumbershoot as I slosh along the way
I feel Love reaching out – ever-here, ever-there, everywhere – embracing me in Her gentle calm. What choice do I have but to share?
Home to dry clothes and a fire in the wood stove. Soon a pie in the oven – filling our home with baked blueberry smells – my contribution to the solstice feast of peace. .-Karen Molenaar Terrell
There may come a time – a sacred and holy time –
when Malice and Jealousy will holler and yell
and make efforts to get our attention. We will be
living through a rare opportunity, full of challenge
and uplift – transition and transformation, birth
and rebirth – and as the angels of Love gather
around to support us – Envy may demand
to be the focus, center, and star of the story.
Ego may stamp its foot, and spread rumors
and lies, and play the victim. Thoughtless
and oblivious to the challenges we’re facing,
Envy may push you or me aside
to stand in the spotlight, or expect us
to entertain it and invite it for dinner.
And if this should happen – let’s keep thought
focused on what is true and holy and important –
honor what is worthy of our time and heart.
Don’t let’s be distracted by Hate or Greed
or Envy – these things are not deserving of our energy.
Love will lead us through the wilderness – will help
us address the lies that need to be addressed,
quickly, without fanfare and waste, and lead us
upward to meet angel-thoughts. Hope, Peace, Joy.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
I’m thinking I’m not the only one to experience the craziness that seems to foist itself on us just when we’re going through the most intense and powerful experiences of life. I’m guessing a lot of you have experienced this, too – people choosing to intrude on your time and space just when your whole being is focused on something life-changing and powerful . And – thinking back on the times when this has happened to me – it occurs to me that the craziness couldn’t have come at a better time for me, actually – when would I have been better fit to deal with it? The birth of my sons and the passing of my mother put everything else in clear perspective: This matters; That doesn’t.
If you’ve ever seen The Waitress (that wonderful movie about the abused and pregnant waitress who discovers her strength in the birth…
Tenaciously trying to tug tattered traditions into my December – there WILL be jangling jarring carols on my CD player! there WILL be cheesy Christmas movies! And then it suddenly hits me – my real life is so much better than these ridiculous stories of make-believe!
I’m missing out on the Christmassy magic going on right now, in this moment, when I’m spending my energies and focusing what I see on what came before instead of what’s right in front of me. -Karen Molenaar Terrell
38 years ago today I met Scotty Terrell at a wedding. Scott was the wedding photographer and I was the singer.Here’s our how-we-met story:
…our heroine made a list of qualities that she wanted to find in someone: She wanted to meet a man of compassion and integrity; If this man was going to be a part of her life he’d also need a sense of humor, believe me; And he’d have to love the mountains, of course; and she’d really like him to have some kind of a creative, stimulating occupation; And, as a last whimsical thing, she decided that he’d come from either California, Colorado, or Connecticut. She’d gone out with short men, tall men, blond, dark, wiry, and sturdy – and they’d all been attractive to her. But an image of The One came to mind: He’d be about six feet tall, lanky, have brown hair, and glasses
……She spotted him as soon as she got there. The wedding was an informal affair held in a living room, and this man with a camera – the wedding photographer, she guessed – was weaving his way through the people who were seated and waiting for the wedding. Everywhere he stopped to chat, people would start chuckling. She surmised he must have a sense of humor. And he had a great smile – the full-faced, crinkly-eyed kind.She found herself instantly attracted to him.
The wedding began, the ceremony proceeded, she sang her song (a little nervously), and kept her eyes on the man with the camera.After the ceremony she, who had until now always been the pursued rather than the pursuer, walked up to him and introduced herself. He blinked behind his glasses, probably surprised at her directness, and grinned down at her. “Scott,” he said, shaking her hand.
At the reception, held in a local community hall, they talked and got to know each other better. She asked him if he liked the mountains. He said yes. She asked him if he’d ever climbed any. Yes, he said, Mt. Baker. She mentally put a check by the “loves mountains” on the list of qualities she was looking for in a man. Their conversation continued. She learned he was a newspaper photographer and checked off the requirement for “stimulating, creative job.” She saw how he opened the kitchen door to help an elderly woman with her hands full. “Compassionate” was checked off her list. He asked her if he could fetch her something to drink. She told him she’d really just like some water. He nodded his head. “Wadduh, it is,” he said. “Wadduh?” she asked. “Are you from the east coast?”“Connecticut,” he answered, grinning… – excerpt from Blessings: Adventures of a Madcap Christian Scientist by Karen Molenaar Terrell
T’was two weeks afore Christmas and all through Eff Bee not a creature was stirring – not a they, he, or she We were frozen in place – old traditions wiped out – finding it hard to remember what it all was about
There’d be no parties this year; no off-line celebrations (some of us contemplated months-long hibernations) Some of us would be zooming, others face-timing (those of us without working mics would be doing some miming)
There were still cookies to bake and gifts to send out but this year we’d be masked-up as we moved about Gone were the handshakes, the hugs, and side kisses – replaced with tapping elbows as we went about our business
And as we forged on – made what we could of twenty-twenty – we began to unfreeze and realize there was still plenty of beauty all around us – joy and peace and kindness We saw that gratitude brings us Christmas and Love it is that binds us -Karen Molenaar Terrell
I came upon two earthworms on the sidewalk today – their noses suspended in the air, frozen by the heat of the sun – dried out and stiff and I reached down and plucked up the first and carried him to the dirt. I dug a little hole for him and covered him with earth – a grave to bring him back to life. Gently I used my fingers as tweezers and pulled the second worm from the sidewalk and lifted him to the moist soil, laid him down, and covered him with a wet leaf. Fare thee well, my new friends – May you revive and spend the rest of your days happily leaving a trail of rich earth in your wake
I am also the author of The Madcap Christian Scientist series. The first book in the series, Blessings: Adventures of a Madcap Christian Scientist, has 33 reviews and 4.7 stars! Here’s the beginning: : Years ago an old boyfriend said to me, “I can’t see that Christian Science has made you any better than anyone else.”
“I know!” I said, nodding my head in complete and happy agreement, “But can you imagine what I’d be like without it?!”
He raised his eyebrows and laughed. What could he say? He was looking at a self-centered, moralistic, stubborn idealist who saw everything in terms of black and white. But I could have been worse. I believe without Christian Science I would have been worse.
Let’s get one thing clear from the start: I am not the best example of a Christian Scientist. I’m not as disciplined as I could be. I have fears and worries and doubts. I’m a little neurotic. I am the Lucy Ricardo of Christian Scientists…
At the age of 51 I went insane. I did not like it so much. But I learned a lot from it…
If somebody had tried to talk to me about mental illness before I’d had this experience, I wouldn’t have had a clue what they were going on about. Mental illness was something that happened to “other” people. Mental illness was not something a madcap Christian Scientist would ever know anything about, right?
Two years ago I would never have been able to guess where I’d be today, what I’d be doing, and what new people I would be calling my friends and colleagues. Two years ago my youngest son was close to graduating from high school, my 20-year career as a public school teacher was winding down, and I was looking for a new job and a new purpose to fill my days. Two years ago I was starting over.
It was scary. It was exhilarating. It was absolutely awesome! *** To find any of these books you can go to my Amazon Author Page.
Adventures of the Madcap Christian Scientist 