A California Weekend

Scott and I flew to California last weekend to see our son Andrew, and daughter-in-law Christina, and our little granddaughter, and to visit other relatives who live near to them. It was a wonderful stay in every single way.

But, my friends, going into it, I had a lot of fear about it all. Would I get sick before we left and not be able to fly out? Would I get sick when I was down there and not be able to fly home? Would I lose my hearing aids? Would I lose my contact lens? Would I lose my passport? My cellphone? Would the plane lose a window mid-flight and would I get sucked through it kiester-first and get stuck in it? Would the grandbaby recognize me?

Fears like that.

Fittingly, the Christian Science Bible Lesson sermon for Sunday was “God the Preserver of Man” and was full of verses like these: “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” (Psalms 27). “The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works…The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth.” (Psalms 145).”The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.” (Psalms 121). “Fear thou not; for I am with thee…” (Isaiah 41).

I leaned into those passages and felt Love wrapping me up in Her arms and giving me a big hug. Love never changes, never ends, never abandons us. Love loves us even when we’re being ridiculous.

The four days of our trip flew by. Here are the highlights…

The Singing Shuttle Bus Driver

Jose, our shuttlebus driver from the parking lot to SeaTac Airport was so cool! He’s from Nicaragua and was singing a song from Ecuador. Jose said we’re all on this planet to help one another, and I said, “We’re all in this together!” He grinned and nodded his head and sang us his songs. What a great way to start the day. Here’s a youtube link to the performance he gave us that morning: https://youtu.be/ujz8FGhDqvI

The Flight Out

The flight out was a little rocky – there were a couple of big bumps that would have sent us flying out of our seats if we hadn’t been buckled in – but everyone was so matter-of-fact about it all. The man across the aisle from me was calmly eating his snacks, and watching a movie on his cellphone as our plane tossed and bucked. I thanked him for that, and he smiled back at me – completely at ease with our wild ride.

When we landed we found our rental car and let Mrs. Google direct us to Andrew and Christina’s place. I hurried ahead of Scott – eager to see our granddaughter. I peeked around the curtain and into the living room, and there she was! She looked up and saw me and her whole face lit up in a grin! She recognized me! Pretty soon she was toddle-running to the door and pretty soon I had her in my arms again. Oh joy! Oh wonder!

Grandbaby Stories

The Pizza Story: I was reading a book to my granddaughter and there was a picture of a pizza piece in it. We’d just had pizza the night before and Grandbaby had bitten into a jalapeno – which she tried to blow out in the same way you’d blow out a candle. “Pfft pfft.” Now, as she saw the illustration of the piece of pizza, she pointed to it and pointed to her mouth and then said, “Pfft pfft.”

The Keys: As I was reading Good night, Gorilla to the grandbaby, I was describing to her what the gorilla was doing in the illustrations, “The gorilla stole the zookeeper’s keys and now he’s letting ALL the animals out of their cages, and look – they’re following the zookeeper back to his home.” Grandbaby pointed to the keys and pointed to the door and turned her little hand like she was opening the door with the keys. Christina told me that our grandbaby has been trying to open the doors with her keys, but it hasn’t worked out for her – she keeps dropping them. Later I joined Andrew for a walk with Grandbaby, and he let her carry his keys. When we got to the gate, he helped her unlock it. She was so proud and pleased with herself!

The Slide: Christina, and I took Granddaughter to the park. I helped Granddaughter climb up to the top of the slide and helped her get situated so she could slide down to her mum. When she got to the bottom she turned around with a big grin on her face, and pointed to me and then to the slide, letting me know she wanted me to go down the slide now. So I did.

A few hours later I was reading a book to her that included a picture of a slide. Grandbaby pointed to the slide and then pointed to me and then pointed back to the slide. She was reminding me that I had gone down the slide, too!

Ears: I read a story that included a bunny. I pointed to the bunny’s ears, and Marilyn pointed to her own ears, and then pointed to my ears and pointed back to the bunny’s ears again. She got up and toddled over to her mum and pointed to her mum’s ears and then to her grandpa to point to his ears. And pretty son Grandpa Scott was teaching her the “Head and shoulders, knees and toes” song.

Cool Bakeries

Andrew and Christina guided us on a walk to the Larchmont neighborhood where there were all kinds of cool shops and bakeries. We made a stop at Erin McKenna’s vegan bakery for some treats, and Danny, the cashier (and a good sport) posed for us behind her counter.

There was also a great little Mexican bakery, K Bakery, right across the street from our motel where we bought smoothies and little fruit-filled turnovers to begin our day. I loved the atmosphere in there – lively Mexican music playing in the background, and paintings by Mexican artists on the wall, and everyone friendly and helpful.

Visit with Our Niece and Her Family

Scott’s sister’s daughter, Kate, and her husband, Tan, live about half an hour from Andrew and Christina. We took advantage of this by paying them a visit on our second day in California. It was so good to see them again, and to enjoy watching our grandbaby playing with Kate and Tan’s little ones. Both Christina and Tan are of Vietnamese heritage and it seemed perfect for Tan to ordered take-out from a nearby Vietnamese restaurant. The food was great; the fellowship with family was dear; and watching the little ones playing together brought me a heart full of grins. It was a perfect visit.

A Trip to the Beach

We spent our last night with my cousin, Laurie, and her husband, Roger, and their son, James. I hadn’t seen Laurie since my dad’s hundredth birthday six years ago and it meant so much to me to be able to connect with her again. Her daughter, Allison, came over with her young daughter and it was good to be able to be able to see them again, too, and get caught up on life.

Laurie brought out some old family photos that she inherited from her mom and some of our aunts, and we went looking through them together, talking about our family history, and sharing memories.

Our last day in California, Cousin Laurie drove Scott and I to the coast and I got to dip my finger in the Pacific.

We met these two very cool fishermen at a local marina. I asked Rafael if I could take his photo, and he had no problems with that. I asked him his name and he said Rafael, and then he asked me mine. “Karen, of course,” I said, grinning. He laughed with me about my name – successfully passing my “Karen Test.”

Philip was relaxing in his chair on the other side of the pier, classic rock playing from his e-bike. He’d overheard me introduce myself to Rafael and, smiling, told me I did that “right.” “You gotta have fun with it, right?” I said, laughing.

Philip told us that he once caught the biggest angel shark ever seen in the harbor – he said it was about five and a half feet long and four feet wide! He took a picture of it before it went back into the water. Philip also told us that we could find him on his youtube channel, “Honey Hole Trackers.” (Here’s the link to that: https://www.youtube.com/@HoneyHoleTrackers )

I asked Philip and Rafael if they were old friends, and they said they’d just met that day. I told them I had a feeling this was the beginning of a long friendship.

A Perfect Good Bye

The day before, when I’d said goodbye to my grandbaby before we headed to Laurie’s, Grandbaby had put her little arms around my neck and clung to me and sobbed, and I’d sobbed, too. I didn’t want our last goodbye before we left California to be a repeat of that. I worried about it. And I prayed.

We took a last walk around the block with Andrew and our granddaughter – posing under the golden autumn leaves of the gingko tree across the street, stopping to touch tree bark and wave to dogs going on walks with their humans. When we were done with our walk we went back inside Andrew and Christina’s home and read books. Andrew started beating on the toy tambourine that had been one of my first gifts to the baby, and then Andrew handed me the tambourine and he began to shake a rattle in time to my beats, and we sang and made a song together. Pretty soon Grandbaby started dancing to our song. Her dance was charming and filled my grandma’s heart.

When Scott started putting on his shoes, Grandbaby brought me my shoes to put on, too. Scott and I gathered our things to leave. Grandbaby reached up for a hug, and I asked her to kiss my cheek (I pointed to it), and then kiss my other cheek, too, and she smiled and put her little face next to me. We hugged Christina and Andrew goodbye, and then I transferred Granddaughter to Andrew and he turned her the other direction, and Scott and I slipped out the door. As we left, we looked up at their window, and Grandbaby was at the window with Andrew and Christina waving goodbye to us and smiling. We waved goodbye back and smiled and blew everyone a kiss. It was a sweet, joyful parting. Perfect!

The Flight Home

Our flight home was at night. Mrs. Google led us through Hollywood – we didn’t even realize we were IN Hollywood until we saw the Hollywood Museum sign. That was cool. There was heavy traffic getting to the airport, but once we got there everything went pretty quickly. There was no one in front of us at the TSA screening desk, and we got through all of that smoothly. We chatted to a delightful fellow passenger named Samantha in the waiting area – Samantha was going home to Seattle to be with her family over the holidays. We boarded our flight, buckled ourselves in, and two and half hours later we were back in the rain of Seattle.

Note: I did not lose my passport, my contact lens, or my hearing aids; I did not get sucked out of the plane; and I did not get sick. Love deposited me gently back in my home after a lovely visit with my family. And here we are.

The Cosmos Led Me Exactly Where I Needed to Be

Honestly, I was feeling pretty down today – dismayed at the direction the world seems to be headed; and disappointed in myself, too – feeling like I could have been a better mother, wife, daughter, teacher, friend, in my life.

The thought came to me to get out of the house and find a quiet corner somewhere where I could do some self-reflection and have an internal conversation with the Cosmos.

When I started out I wasn’t sure where I was going to end up, exactly – but as I followed the nudgings of the Cosmos I found myself at Pacioni’s in Mount Vernon. I sat in a booth in the back and ordered a half a veggie panini, listened to the soft background music and the sounds of friends talking and laughing. Watched the rain drizzling outside the front window.

I realized I missed Mom. I thought about how I could always tell her what was in my heart – and she never judged me or my words. She always saw the best in me. I missed that.

When I was done with my panini and had paid, I tidied up my table, put on my coat, and started for the door.

And this is when I saw that two of my favorite people – a couple in my local community – had been sitting in there, eating their lunch, too! We all gave each other hugs and talked about children and granchildren and the state of the world, and how we maybe can’t change the big things in the world, but we can be kind to the people in our community, the people we come in contact with – and I told them they are two of the people that do this really well – and then they said *I* did this! They said I was the perfect example of this! They said they’d been talking to one of my former students a while ago and my name had come up in the conversation and my former student had said that EVERYone should have a Karen Terrell for a teacher.

I teared up. I stood there, in front of my friends, and I teared up. They had no idea the gift they’d just given me – it was the exactly right thing I needed to hear just then. To know that someone thought I’d made a difference – to know that someone thought I’d done something right in my life – this was huge for me.

And I realized that the mother-love I’d been missing was right there with me – being expressed to me by my beautiful friends.

The Cosmos led me exactly where I needed to be today.

The Blessing of Friendship

Yesterday I got together with a group of friends I hadn’t seen since the start of the pandemic – former colleagues at an alternative high school – women who’d been shoulder-to-shoulder with me in the trenches as our school went through some challenging times. Our commitment to the well-being of our students, our shared sense of humor, and our trust in each other, had drawn us together and bonded us for life.

And here we sat at the local Starbuck’s – together again – a group of women ranging in age from 30 to 70 – two of us retired now, two of us still in the trenches of an educational landscape that has changed drastically in the last couple years. We hugged and we laughed. We got caught up – talked about families and skirmishes with COVID and what strategies we’re using to stay sane in an insane time, and how education changed during the pandemic. We talked about adventures and aging and the adventure of aging, and how older women are viewed by society – the bad AND the good of that – the tendency to dismiss older women and the freedom that comes with aging. We shared and listened. We took turns and gave each other time to talk – and it was a natural thing to do this – it always amazes me how naturally the conversation flows with these women. There are no prima donnas here. We are genuinely interested in each other.

After we’d been there a couple hours – completely enveloped in our bubble of friendship and mostly unaware of what was going on around us – a woman in her sixties rose from a table near us and headed for the exit. As she passed our table she stopped and smiled and said, “I miss my friends! I’ve enjoyed listening to your laughter!” She was very cool – I knew she would have fit right in with this group – and we thanked her and wished her a good day.

Not long after that, a couple of men in their sixties – they looked like men who might have just gotten back from a hike together- rose from THEIR table and passed us for the exit. One of them looked over at me as he passed and I smiled and he smiled back one of those genuine full-faced smiles and, in that instant, I just KNEW that he’d been listening into our conversation, too. And, for a moment, I was embarrassed, remembering all the things we’d been talking about at our table. But then I realized that his smile had been kind, and more of a “we’re-all-in-this-together” type of smile than a “you-guys-are-batshit-crazy” type of smile, and that felt good.

Two and a half hours later my friends and I hugged each other good bye – promised each other we’d get together again soon – and each of us headed home to our families. But those two and a half hours together were like an oasis in the desert for me. I felt my soul soaking up the love and inspiration and fellowship, and left feeling rejuvenated.

What a blessing to have friends like these.

Friends

Treasure-Hunting for Hope

I can’t sleep and go
to my friends’ FB walls
treasure-hunting for hope;
for love that calls
to all creation; for jewels
of inspiration and wisdom
that go beyond human rules
and resonate with the rhythm
beating in my own heart.
And I bring back these gifts:
A poem about father-love;
A photo of a puppy nestled
in her new human’s arms;
A painting of a golden sunrise;
Posts about epic bike rides
and happy-together times;
Pictures from mountain climbs;
The blessing from a flute;
Photos of home-grown fruits;
and everywhere magic.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Rainbow Flowers by Karen Molenaar Terrell

Dunbar’s 150

These are the people who know me
and love me anyway – just as I am.
I don’t need to hide away the pain
and be the ever-smiling savior
for them – they don’t dump shame
on my head for being human
or for saying the wrong thing
or sometimes making the wrong choice
or sometimes raising my voice.
They know what’s in my heart
and trust me. They see the good in me
and help me see it, too, through
their eyes. They are my refuge
and my shelter, and my home.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

About Dunbar’s 150.

Home



Grateful for Our Connection

Back in February and March – when COVID-19 was first making the news – I had terrible fears for a loved one who was traveling though Europe. (Maybe someday I’ll share more about that.) My terror caused me to pull out all the tools I’d acquired in my life to get me through troubling times – and one of the chief tools was expressing gratitude for all the good in my life.

I remember lying in bed one night in particular – my thoughts were all agitated and I couldn’t find peace. I was just staring at the ceiling, trying to calm myself, and I started listing in my thoughts all the people I was grateful for in my life – my sons, husband, Mom and Dad, siblings, nieces and nephews, in-laws, friends from grade school, junior high, high school, university, Mount Rainier friends, neighbors, colleagues, church friends, Humoristian friends, FB friends, WordPress friends – and then I found myself including people who might not be considered “friends” – people I thought had maybe treated me unkindly or unfairly, people I’d had a rift with – and I found myself genuinely grateful for THEM, too, and for my connection to them.

It was a cosmic moment for me. I felt my connection to all of God’s, Love’s, creation – and each and every expression of Life. I knew this overwhelming gratitude that I’m not solitary and alone in this vast, infinite universe – grateful for my connection to all the infinite expressions of Life. I felt Love’s presence with me – supporting me – sure and comforting and healing and powerful. My fears dissolved away and I was able to go back to sleep.

I’m going to practice having more of those cosmic moments.

And I know those moments begin with love.

Blue Cosmos (photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell)

Sometimes we just need to get out of the way…

One of the most difficult things in life is to get out of the way and allow those we love to learn the lessons they need to learn and face the challenges they need to face. But why would we want to deny those we love the opportunity to grow?

getting out of the way

photo atop Table Mountain by Karen Molenaar Terrell

Best Friends

Real friends…

friendship

photo by Karen Molenaar Terrell

Old Friends

She had lived all her life in Silverstream and her neighbors were people who had known her from childhood, and therefore had a preconceived idea of her, so engrained, that they never saw her at all, any more than they saw the sponge which accompanied them daily into their baths.
D.E. Stevenson

old friends