Pep talk to self:
To the last breath –
Honor Truth.
Celebrate Life.
Love without limit.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
(Photo of dragonfly by Karen Molenaar Terrell)
To the Last Breath…
4
Tag Archives: love
The Best Prayer of All
is Love…and it’s maybe the best poem of all, too. 🙂
Guest Poem: “I Cried”
From my friend, Nikkita –Â
I cried
By Nikkita
I cried today.
I cried for my family, my town, my country.
I cried for our world.
I cried for people I love. People that love me.
I cried as I listened to our president justify hate.
Justify bigotry
Justify Racism.
Justify terror.
—
I wept today.
I wept as I saw my cousin, my beautiful biracial cousin, crumble in my arms.
I wept as she asked why, why, why
I wept because I don’t know why
I wept as she asked if he, her president, cared at all
As she asked how he could defend them
Defend those bigots
Defend those racists
I wept as she asked wasn’t she worth loving
Worth saving
Worth caring about by the man who holds the highest office in our land.
I don’t know why.
I don’t know.
—
I screamed today.
I screamed in my head, so loudly, because my vocal chords can’t.
I screamed as the president tore down reporters
I screamed as people defended his behavior
I screamed as the replays of disgusting people chanting “Jews Will Not Replace Us” filled the screen.
—
I cried today.
I cried because I don’t recognize my government
I don’t recognize my nation
Anymore.
I cried because these are the groups, the very same groups,
That believe my Jewish grandmother
My black cousin
My gay best friend
My disabled friends
And me
Should be cleansed off this earth and
The president defended them.
—
They aren’t good people.
Never good people.
For if you are not a Nazi
But can protest with a Nazi
And chant their chants
And stand and say nothing
You are worse.
Worse than the Nazi
Worse than the KKK
Worse than their hate
Because you claim to not be filled with hate
But you stood there. You stood there.
And you said nothing.
—
I wept today
For my country, my world.
I wanted to smile
To be joyful
Full of love
And light
And peace.
But not today.
Today I cried.
Tomorrow?
Well, tomorrow
I FIGHT BACK.
—
I will fight hate with love
Bigotry with acceptance
Racism with inclusion
Ethnic cleansing with diversity
And terror with peace.
—
I FIGHT BACK
I will fight back with my voice
My actions
My deeds
My heart.
—
I FIGHT BACK
By saying no
By insisting that my government say no
By demanding equal rights
Equal love
Equal care.
—
I FIGHT BACK
By refusing to let this go
We can’t let this go
We can’t normalize this hatred
We can’t pretend.
Pretending got us here.
Pretending he would change
Got us a president
Who defends Nazis.
—
I cried today
Tomorrow I might smile
And the next day I might laugh
But not today.
—
Today I cried
Because tears and outrage
Horror and Disgust
They are the only correct reaction.
I cried today.
Tomorrow I fight.
The next day I love
And the world WILL change
For good
Because
You and me
And everyone good
Will not forget
Ever.
In memory of Heather Heyer, H. Jay Cullen and Berke Bates
Sympathizing with Error
Yes, our country needs to unite – but not behind the KKK, the NAZIs, or our current President.
And yes, Love is the answer. But Love shouldn’t be confused with that fear-based thing where we stop ourselves from doing and saying what we know needs to be done and said because we’re afraid of “making waves” or we’re afraid of confrontation. Sometimes evil needs to be confronted and called out. We need to love. We don’t need to appease. We don’t need to placate, mollify, or pacify. If someone’s feelings are hurt because we happen to disagree with them – that shouldn’t stop us from saying and doing what we know is right. We shouldn’t let ourselves be controlled by others like that. That’s not Love. That’s being a chicken schit.
“Neither sympathy nor society should ever tempt us to cherish error in any form, and certainly we should not be error’s advocate…Attempts to conciliate society and so gain dominion over mankind, arise from worldly weakness….If you venture upon the quiet surface of error and are in sympathy with error, what is there to disturb the waters? What is there to strip off error’s disguise?”
– Mary Baker Eddy
“Here’s the thing: If you’re with a group of people and they’re chanting things like ‘Jews will not replace us’ and you don’t immediately leave that group, you are not a very fine person.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
Great Jimmy Kimmel video clip here.
As Another Day Comes to a Close
My dear Humoristian hooligans –
As another day comes to a close may you rejoice in the fellowship you have experienced today – may you remember every act of kindness, every smile, every exchange of good will. May you remember every puppy who wagged its tail at you, every kitty who jumped into your lap, every hand shake, hug, and high five. The world is full of beautiful people. You are one of them. May you remember THAT, too. 
🙂
You are not alone out there. We are all in this together.
Love,
Karen
“Today it hurts to be human…”
Dear Moz,
Today it hurts to be human – to see my fellow men and women hating on people just because of the color of their skin or the place they were born. My heart weeps.
Today I was remembering how you stood up to the racist man in the Sears store when I was just a little girl. As a black family walked by, the bigot turned to you – expecting probably to get agreement from a fellow white person – and said, loud enough so the family could hear, “Those people should stay in their own part of town.” And I remember how your face turned red with indignation and you almost shook with the fury you felt, and you said, “That family has as much right to be here as you or me!” And I was so proud to be your daughter.
I remembered the day Dad wanted to visit his old home in a part of Los Angeles that most white people would have probably avoided then – I remembered how Dad knocked on the door of his old house, and the look on Pearl’s face as she saw him standing on her front stoop. Dad explained this was his childhood home and asked if he could come in and look around – and Pearl opened the door wide for him and shook his hand, and welcomed him in. And I remember the young black men who opened the door for my dad 42 years later, when he was 98 and living in a retirement home – I remembered how Dad made a special effort to turn and thank them, and how they said it was no problem and wished him a good day. Â And I was so proud to be his daughter.
And today a young black man and I were so polite to each other in the bank – “No, you first… No, really, YOU first… No, I insist…” – that I started laughing at the pair of us – my heart just so full of his kindness and generosity that I wanted to hug him. Â And later there was a black man who crossed the street in front of me when I stopped for him, and turned to thank me, and saw me smiling back at him, and smiled and waved. And later still – at the teriyaki place – there was the Asian man with the beautiful smile who had to reach in front of me to get the soy sauce – and he apologized and excused himself – and I joked with him: “No, you can’t have it.” And he started laughing with me. And the simple beauty of these encounters was just so poignant today – as on the other side of my nation racists hurl their fear and hatred out into the world – that I felt myself tearing up.
You and Dad showed me how to open my heart up and feel the pain and love of others and, though sometimes it hurts terribly, I would not have it any other way. I’m grateful for this gift of empathy. Thank you, Moz.
I love you.
Karen
“Be it slow or fast…”
To the Big Children
Father-Mother good, lovingly
Thee I seek, –
Patient, meek, In the way
Thou hast, –Â
Be it slow or fast,
Up to Thee.
-Mary Baker Eddy
When I was a youngster my mom taught me to say the above prayer at night before I went to sleep. When I think of this prayer now it brings back cozy memories of Mom tucking me into bed, and saying this prayer with me.
The prayer was written by the founder of Christian Science, Mary Baker Eddy. I still sometimes say it at night before I go to sleep. But until last night I’d always had a problem with the words: “In the way Thou hast, – Be it slow or fast…” It sort of bothered me that the process of God-finding might be a slow one. I mean… fast is always better, right?
But last night as I was drifting off to sleep I found myself saying this prayer to myself – and this time I emphasized different words than I’ve ever before emphasized. This time it came out like this:
Father-MOTHER God, LOVINGLY
Thee I seek, –
PATIENT (pause) MEEK, Â In the WAY
Thou hast, –
Be it slow or fast,
Up to Thee.
And a whole ‘nother way of looking at that prayer entered my thoughts. I had a small epiphany.
What came to me is that this prayer is about how we live – the manner in which we live and move towards Love. It’s as much about the seeking as it is about the finding. Â If God is, literally, Love – as Mary Baker Eddy believed, and as I believe, too – then we’re going to find God by seeking Her in love, with patience and meekness, and without any ego. We’re not going to view this as a competition or a race to see who can get “there” first. The pace of our journey isn’t the important thing. The important thing is that we travel “lovingly” towards our goal.
In the Christian Science textbook, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, Mary Baker Eddy writes: “If Truth is overcoming error in your daily walk and conversation, you can finally say, ‘I have fought a good fight . . . I have kept the faith,’ because you are a better man. This is having our part in the at-one-ment with Truth and Love… If the disciple is advancing spiritually, he is striving to enter in. He constantly turns away from material sense, and looks towards the imperishable things of Spirit. If honest, he will be in earnest from the start, and gain a little each day in the right direction, till at last he finishes his course with joy.”
Eddy writes: “Individuals are consistent who, watching and praying, can ‘run, and not be weary; . . . walk, and not faint,’ who gain good rapidly and hold their position, or attain slowly and yield not to discouragement.”
So I’m thinking that whether we’re “slow or fast” the important thing is that we’re moving the right direction, and that we’re seeking Love with love.
“…seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
– Matthew 6:33
A Box With My Name on It
“In Science, individual good derived from God, the infinite All-in-all, may flow from the departed to mortals…”
– Mary Baker Eddy
The last two years – as Dad and Moz downsized from the three-story homestead to the apartment to the assisted living place – and now to Dad’s new residence – my brothers and I have been storing what we can in our own domiciles. I don’t think any of us have really had much time to go through the things we’ve brought into our own homes. Today I tried to sort through a few more things. I came upon an old wooden sewing kit of Moz’s and opened it up to see what she had in there before I decided what to do with it. And sitting on the top of one compartment was a little box with my name written on it in Moz’s handwriting – she’d drawn a heart next to my name. Just seeing her handwriting – seeing she’d set aside something for me – oh man. That really touched me and I started tearing up. I opened up the little box and there were all these pieces of jewelry – nothing terribly expensive, but things that were very sweet – butterfly earrings and cat earrings and a ring with the birthstones of my brothers and me. I started sobbing. Over cheap jewelry. And a box with my name on it. And I felt a rush of love all around me, and I thanked Moz for thinking of me.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
Driving Back from Our Hike
Driving back from our hike –
son is sitting in the seat next to me
his head nods forward
and he is asleep.
And I have a flashback
from 22 years ago –
same son, but a toddler then,
strapped in his car seat
behind me. I glance in the rear
view mirror and see his baby
head nod forward in slumber.
Same peaceful expression.
Same comforting white sound
from the moving car.
Same feeling of love filling
our moving bubble.
And I feel Moz join us –
I feel her love with me,
with her grandson.
There is no separation in time
or space or death.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
Paper Clips. Who could have guessed it would be paper clips?
Paper clips. Who could have guessed
that paper clips would become
my talisman? Two years ago I needed one.
There were none to be found
in my entire home. I took a break
from my paper clip search to run errands.
A few hours later my car was stalled –
bum alternator – and I was waiting
for a tow truck. A few hours more –
after many wonderful adventures
and new heroes and friends met –
and I was picking up my car
from the repair shop when I looked
down and saw a paper clip winking
up at me from the pavement. Â A symbol
of prayers answered. A symbol of supply.
A symbol of protection. A reminder
to trust. A wink to make me laugh out loud.
And it has been paper clips ever since:
On the floor of my dad’s doctor’s office;
on the stairs at work during a challenging day;
on a sidewalk as I grieved Mom’s passing.
Just when I feel the most alone,
and the most bereft, a paper clip will appear
to remind me that I am always connected
to Love. A paper clip will appear to bring
me a smile and a lift to my heart.
Paper clips. Who could have guessed
it would be paper clips?
– Karen Molenaar Terrell
P.S. I found an interesting article on the invention of the paper clip.  The article states: “During the Nazi occupation of Norway in World War II, Norwegians made the paper clip a symbol of national unity. Prohibited from wearing buttons imprinted with the Norwegian king’s initials, they fastened paper clips to their lapels in a show of solidarity and opposition to the occupation. Wearing a paper clip was often reason enough for arrest.”
Wow! Hail to the humble paper clip!
Adventures of the Madcap Christian Scientist 