One of the Two Best Days of My Life

I thought this Mother’s Day weekend might be a good time to share, again, one of the two best days of my life (the other best day being the birth of my eldest son) :

“O gentle presence, peace and joy and power;
O Life divine, that owns each waiting hour,
Thou Love that guards the nestling’s faltering flight!
Keep Thou my child on upward wing tonight.”
From the Christian Science Hymnal, words by Mary Baker Eddy

I’d hoped that with the birth of my second child I would have a full night’s sleep before going into labor (having experienced a sleepless night in the birth of my first son) and that, unlike my first birthing experience, this time the process would be quick and easy. Having taken no pain medication in the birth of my first son, I’d also decided that I would ask for an epidural with this one, reasoning that even Christian Scientists usually get Novocain before letting dentists drill their teeth.

It all began as I’d hoped it would. I got my full night’s sleep, started feeling labor pains at nine in the morning, and, according to the midwife who met my husband and I at the hospital, was proceeding very smoothly and quickly through the birth. I asked for the epidural and was given one. Life was looking pretty good. Even the nurse attending me commented on how great it was to have a nice, normal couple to work with and to have a nice, normal birth to witness.

But not long after I was given the epidural, something started to go wrong. Apparently the baby’s cord was wrapped around his neck and he was in distress. It was decided to give me a caesarean section to get the baby out quickly.

As they wheeled me down to the operating room (my rear sticking up in the air in a very undignified position), I called back to my mom, who was following behind the gurney, to phone the Christian Science practitioner at the Christian Science Reading Room and ask her to pray for us.

Once they got me down to the O.R. I was attached to machines to monitor the baby’s heart rate and blood pressure, the staff took Scott away to don him in surgical garb, and the surgical team prepared to slice me open. Everything was happening very quickly, and there was a lot of bustling activity surrounding me, but, strangely, I felt very calm. I knew that no matter what happened, God was in control and the baby was moving at Her direction and guidance.

Now I was surrounded by a team of medical staffers whom, aside from my midwife, I’d never before met. Their eyes flicked from the monitor to my belly and back to the monitor again. I saw they were all puzzled by something. There was a moment of quiet. Then suddenly they all began yelling, “Push! Push!” – like they were spectators at a sporting event. I felt surrounded in Love – love from the medical staff who only wanted the best for my baby, love from my husband, and love from God. In a matter of moments our son entered the world in the old-fashioned way and the medical staff whooped like their favorite team had just won the championship. One of the nurses was crying. When I asked her why, she said that as an operating room nurse she’d never before been able to witness a baby being born naturally, and she felt she’d just witnessed a rare and special thing.

When I asked my midwife what had happened that had enabled my son to be born without a caesarean section, she said, “We don’t know.”

Later my mom shared what the Christian Science practitioner had told her when she reached her on the phone: “Life loves that baby!”

***

For a few hours we called our son Pieter Dee. Then we tried out the name Nicholas Piet. Finally, after a day in his company, we realized that this baby had big presence – his body was small, but something of his irrepressible identity was communicating itself to us – and we knew he needed a big name to match that identity. So we named him Alexander Raymond Dee Terrell. His name had more syllables than he had poundage, but it fit him just right all the same.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell (from Blessings: Adventures of a Madcap Christian Scientist.)

(Below, my mom with her grandson Xander.)

Mother-Love Has Been with Me All Along

Mother-love and Mother-strength
Mother-courage and Mother-joy
Mother-laughter and Mother-songs
and hugs have been with me all along
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Moz singing “Mamma Mia.”

Prayer for Today

(The audio podcast for this post can be found at this link.)

Feel Love’s presence.
Feel the power of Love.

Listen to Love’s voice:

You are so loved.
You are My precious child.
You are always with Me.
And I am always with you.
You are Love be-ing.
The belief that you can ever be separated
from Me is a lie,
for you are embodied in My Body.
You are one with Me.
You are in the womb of Love.
There is no power that can usurp My government
or the governing of My own ideas,
for I am ever-present,
all-powerful,
glorious,
magnificent,
never-ending Love.

Amen.

The Stone That Love Has Been Rolling Away

I’m thinking about the stone that Love has been rolling away from my heart over the years – the ego, blame, self-will, guilt, fear, anger, selfishness, sense of being “put upon” and treated unfairly – and I’m so very grateful for the progress so far – so grateful for the light that’s reached me – so very glad to be alive – to be able to experience the birdsong and blossoms and sunshine of an Easter morning.

-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Life Is Bigger Than These Forms We See

“O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?”
– I Corinthians 15

There was some police action on the beach the day we arrived. We walked by the crime tape, the team of investigators, the canopy over the scene. I stopped to ask another woman walking on the beach if she knew what was going on. Valerie said she’d seen a couple in the parking lot earlier who’d looked shaken and she wondered if they’d found something. She was pretty sure there was a body under the canopy. She noted that the crime tape had already been up a few hours so it had to be something pretty serious. The winds had been high the night before and she wondered if maybe a body had come in on the surf. A man named Billy stopped to chat with Valerie and my husband and me. He wondered what was going on, too.

My husband and I continued on our walk, looking for agates, watching the antics of the seagulls as they chased each other around for food, enjoying the sunshine and the salty air. Every now and then, though, I’d look back at the crime canopy and wonder.

Billy rejoined me a while later to tell me that a friend had confirmed a body had been found in the sand. Billy said that the night before he’d passed a man on the beach who looked distressed and lost – the man seemed a little “off” to him – but he’d shrugged it off and continued on his walk. He wondered now if this body belonged to the man he’d seen the night before, and if it had been a suicide. For a moment neither of us spoke, each thinking our own thoughts. Then we wished each other well – told each other to stay safe – and parted ways.

Later the local news confirmed that the body of a man in his thirties had been found partially buried in the sand. I went into my mother-of-sons place then. I grieved for the man and his family. I prayed and tried to reach my thoughts out to the man – letting him know he was loved, whoever he was – that he wasn’t alone. I wished him peace. And, eventually, with the help of the ocean and the seagulls and the kites and the ever-tumbling waves, I found my own peace.

A few days later, as we got ready to leave, a rainbow arched across the sky. There’d been a rainbow after my mom’s passing, and a rainbow after my dad’s passing, too. I idly wondered who might be manifesting THIS rainbow. And then I thought of the man whose body had been found the day we arrived. And I knew he was alright.

Life is so much bigger than these forms we see –
so much bigger than body-hieroglyphs of “you” and “me.”
Death has no power to end our Life – Life fills all space –
exists beyond form and time and place.
I feel my loved ones ever-near –
both those who have “passed” and those who are still “here.”
Death can’t destroy the love we feel,
and nothing can stop the healing of what needs to be healed.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

(Photo of rainbow by Karen Molenaar Terrell.)

Rainbow in Lincoln City, Oregon

What If I Just Pulled Myself Out of the Game?

Whoah. Now here’s a thought:
What if I just pulled myself out of the game?
No one’s forcing me to play, after all.
I have a choice to participate in the shame and blame,
or let that ball fall, and not get pulled into the brawl.

Remember what Jesus said to those
who wanted to stone that woman?
“He that is without sin among you,
let him first cast a stone at her.”
And then he stooped down
and wrote on the ground
as the shamers went away one by one
until there were none.

They had wanted him to play in their game,
but he had more important things to do
with his time here – heal the deaf, blind, the lame,
and establish a new way of living – a true
way of caring for each other and our world.

He showed us how to love.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell



Better Things to Do Than Mock

To paraphrase the very first Psalm:
“Blessed is the man that sitteth not
in the seat of those that mock.
But his delight
is in doing what is right;
and on Love’s law doth
he meditate day and night.”

We have better things to do
than engage in talk
with those who mock.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

Love Really IS the Answer

Who made us?

Love.

What’s our purpose?

Love.

Where do we live?

Love.

How can we help?

Love.

Why are we here?

Love.

When?

Now.

– Karen Molenaar Terrell

“Man is idea, the image, of Love; he is not physique.”
-Mary Baker Eddy

“God is Love.”
– I John 4

Safe in Soul’s Womb

I will not fear –
I feel you near.
Mozzy – I sit in the room where you passed on
five years ago and I feel your presence
here with me.
Daddy – your old backpack hangs on the wall
and your hat is on the mantel next to Moz’s shoes
and I feel you smiling at me.
The room is cozy and warm. The cat
sleeps on the back
of the chair.
Outside the frogs are croaking a merry tune.
I feel the power of Love and Truth
pulsing around me – singing of hope.
I live safe in Soul’s womb.

I will not fear –
I feel You here.
– Karen Molenaar Terrell

Our Own Niche in Time and Eternity

Each individual must fill his own niche in time and eternity.”
-Mary Baker Eddy (Retrospection and Introspection, p. 70)

Father-Mother God –
Thank you for expressing me in this time
and this place – right here, right now.
Thank you for the opportunity
to manifest Love, Truth, and Soul
in this niche in time and eternity.
It is a privilege to be here with Your other
children who are sharing the current hour
and space with me.
None of us would be here if we weren’t up
to the tasks in front of us –
if this wasn’t our own niche in time and eternity –
if we weren’t made for exactly this moment.
-Karen Molenaar Terrell

“Beloved children, the world has need of you…”
-Mary Baker Eddy